tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38540598771647986782024-03-28T22:27:59.990-05:00Tales of Unspeakable TasteJohn Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.comBlogger1554125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-60478789372762064462024-03-28T22:01:00.000-05:002024-03-28T22:01:04.661-05:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #824: ROAD HOUSE<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhXbykLYRrTRftp7obKr3-uysSVg6HejU0jkpc7gFrO3NsdYFK7QoEbDaBpZBnIuls6jYE-Scketth2pO8tXoxMWQsQk0cu5Mwlaviwt3R_MENBCrYTW3P-qfi4yCSa8ULJs_FHSwo6t_TvDPXYiiGFSoisQIwUF3cl5b4rvu4L3dNC8XbOFJg6wmXIvwA" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="972" data-original-width="1023" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhXbykLYRrTRftp7obKr3-uysSVg6HejU0jkpc7gFrO3NsdYFK7QoEbDaBpZBnIuls6jYE-Scketth2pO8tXoxMWQsQk0cu5Mwlaviwt3R_MENBCrYTW3P-qfi4yCSa8ULJs_FHSwo6t_TvDPXYiiGFSoisQIwUF3cl5b4rvu4L3dNC8XbOFJg6wmXIvwA" width="253" /></a></div><br /> <p></p><p>Road House is one of my favorite fucking movies. Forget the stuff about a drifter coming to town to clean out the bad guys. As a fan of westerns that is one of my favorite kinds of stories. But look deeper. I love the idea that there is a secret underground society of coolers, philosophical warriors, and that road houses and bars and such seek to hire members of this society to clear out assholes and scumbags from their establishments. But not by force. By being nice. Until, of course, it's time to not be nice. But that's a last resort thing.</p><p><br /></p><p>It's exceptionally well written and acted. The bad guys are fucking bad, except for Tinker, maybe. Poor Tinker is a little too likeable and stupid to be as bad as the others. But the rich corporate guy wants to take over this small town, and it's up to Dalton to take him on. With a little help from the best, Wade Garrett. The important thing, though, is Dalton uses intelligence to fight these guys. He uses his wits. But when things get really bad, like when he's fighting the dude who fucked men tougher than Dalton in prison, he's willing to rip out a throat. Needs must.</p><p><br /></p><p>So yeah. The fact that someone did a remake of this wonderful classic didn't sit well with me. And I'm the kind of guy who gave up on remakes, reboots, what have you. I don't watch them because I know I won't like them. I know at least 50 people, probably more, who will watch every one of these things because they can't help themselves. If I asked them why, they usually say something to the effect that they're expecting the worst, hoping for the best. Which is what I used to say until I stopped. I realized that the reason they keep making these things is because of people who say they'll watch it even though they think it will suck. So if they stopped watching these fucking things, then these fucking things would stop getting made. It's reliable IP (and don't get me started on people who refer to art as IP) that puts asses in seats. So stop putting your ass in that seat, and they'll stop tormenting us with their artistic bankruptcy.</p><p><br /></p><p>But I had to watch the new Road House. I wanted it to be good, and I hoped for some of the same thrill I got from watching the original.</p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj4AI7HY30cMLp6YiIyIwv7ks08T6n3X1MJIWRcWOg-emES0tWyoQYkBVZ5ijC8XG50oEsHsUn79rKj9A06i9b702A4i-8K0sFpCdZnrKAjwn_yflhXski7DU977UkrklQOUD-QB2QfHcANUVE2rDiCxcucNQM1E4q_GAydTduazrKuq1IOhQPAxuLHExI" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="273" data-original-width="184" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj4AI7HY30cMLp6YiIyIwv7ks08T6n3X1MJIWRcWOg-emES0tWyoQYkBVZ5ijC8XG50oEsHsUn79rKj9A06i9b702A4i-8K0sFpCdZnrKAjwn_yflhXski7DU977UkrklQOUD-QB2QfHcANUVE2rDiCxcucNQM1E4q_GAydTduazrKuq1IOhQPAxuLHExI" width="162" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>Much to my surprise I actually did like it. Don't get me wrong. It's not nearly as good as the original. It gets rid of the underground society of coolers. It gets rid of the be-nice creed, although the new Dalton is as nice as he can be until it's time to not be nice. I love how he beats the shit out of a few people only after he knows there's a nearby hospital, and then he borrows a car so he can drive those guys to said hospital. It's a nice touch. (He also apologizes to the ER doctor for the extra work!)</p><p><br /></p><p>The villain is still a rich douchebag with a seemingly unending supply of goons. He's not quite the same as the original (I suspect his imprisoned father is more in line with that), but he's crazy and a little unhinged. He recognizes right off the bat that he can't beat Dalton in a physical fight, so he fucks with his mind by telling him he knows all about Dalton's dark past as a UFC fighter who killed a guy in the Octagon.</p><p><br /></p><p>I'm not too happy with the UFC stuff. It's stupid, but it's not a deal breaker.</p><p><br /></p><p>Which brings us to the worst part of this movie: Conor McGregor, former UFC fighter turned actor. He's not necessarily bad at the job. I kind of like the awful strutting and grinning he does in this movie. And he really likes to strut with his butt hanging out, which is kind of funny. And he certainly is a menace tougher than the original Dalton had to deal with. But the character is flat, almost nonexistent. He's not a person, he's a manic bundle of bad-guyness designed for a hero to defeat. Although he's a good foil for Dalton. Dalton uses violence as a last resort, and he doesn't like to do even that. McGregor (I can't remember the character's name, and I wonder why . . .) chooses violence first and foremost, and I have the impression that it gets his dick hard.</p><p><br /></p><p>I just don't understand how an accused rapist and abuser of women got an acting job in Hollywood. Judging by the things he's been up to, he's a huge fan of violence outside the Octagon and might not have been acting all that much in this film. It's a bit much for me, but it did make me feel better near the end of the movie (but made me angry again with a post credits scene). I think they should have gotten someone else for this role. I suspect it might have been written for McGregor, though. All things considered.</p><p><br /></p><p>So the remake is fun. It's badass cinema. It's good. But it doesn't even come close to touching the original. I think it was Outlaw Vern who said that capturing lightning in a bottle again in this case is impossible because they stopped making that kind of bottle. I think he's right. I liked the flick. Just proceed with caution.</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-37499497627149033102024-03-27T22:06:00.001-05:002024-03-27T22:06:31.759-05:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #823: COCAINE HIPPOS<p> Imagine you're in the Mexican town of Puerto Triunfo. Just hanging out. Maybe you're on vacation. You want to see the sights a little, so you wander off the beaten path and HOLY SHIT! WHY ARE THERE FUCKING HIPPOS IN MEXICO?</p><p><br /></p><p>An excellent question, as they are native to Africa and shouldn't even be in this hemisphere. How did they get there? And why are there so many of them? 170 to be exact?</p><p><br /></p><p>One man's hubris, of course. It's always hubris behind these kinds of things. Except the man in question this time is Pablo Escobar. Back in the 'Eighties he bought a lot of animals and created a private zoo for his own pleasure. Among those animals were four hippos. All 170 are descended from them, and if this keeps up, they may number in the thousands soon.</p><p><br /></p><p>When Escobar was killed the zoo became a tourist attraction because, and I can't believe I'm saying this, the former drug kingpin's estate was turned into a fucking theme park. Disneyland. Universal Studios. Oh yeah, and Escobarland. The zoo is still there, but the hippos, for whatever reason, were able to escape and reproduce. They are now considered an invasive species with no natural predator. If hippos have a natural predator, I have no idea what the fuck that would look like. They're damned near impossible to kill. Good thing they generally don't eat meat.</p><p><br /></p><p>The problem has gotten so out of hand that authorities, who for some reason unbeknownst to anyone have done nothing over the decades since Escobar's death, have decided to sterilize them and/or euthanize them. I can't imagine what that operation must be like. Could you imagine anesthetizing a hippo so you can clip its tubes? Picture that for a moment, and you'll realize the sheer insanity of that.</p><p><br /></p><p>Nothing is sane about this story. Nothing. This shit got out of hand fast, and it's only going to get crazier. They plan to sterilize 40 hippos a year. Each sterilization costs ten grand and requires a team of eight. How feasible is that?</p><p><br /></p><p>I've had all kinds of infestations in the places I've lived. Cockroaches, ants, flies, even bees one year. I can't wrap my mind around a hippo infestation. Who could? Can you grasp that?</p><p><br /></p><p>I guess the lesson here is, if you're going to be a drug kingpin, don't buy hippos no matter how much you want to. And you might want to. Also, make sure that when you're gunned down in the future to leave property that the authorities can turn into a theme park, please and thank you.</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-32354711771262027022024-03-26T21:58:00.001-05:002024-03-26T21:58:21.186-05:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #822: LEGAL EXTORTION<p> Corporations never get tired of fees. They can fee the shit out of you left and right, up and down, every which way but loose except they do loose, too. Want to get your money from an ATM? Enjoy your withdrawal fee. Do you like using the gas pedal in your car? You can continue using it so long as you pay your monthly subscription. And let's not bother looking at airlines and the Cthulhu tentacled maw of fees hanging out of their asses. Most people just pay the fee and move on, but we shouldn't be encouraging that kind of behavior. All the fees are out of control for everything. And if you don't think that's important, let me set the stage for tonight's story.</p><p><br /></p><p>You live in Libertyville, IL, and you're a pregnant mom with two kids and a passel of dogs. You've just returned from the pet shop, and you walk your 7-year-old and dogs into the house before you go back for your 2-year-old in the car seat. Except this is the moment when two carjackers chose to steal your car. The one that still has your li'l tyke in it.</p><p><br /></p><p>Mom power takes over, and you rush to save your kid, but the carjackers attack you before running you over with your own car. You're still alive, probably running on sheer adrenaline, but there's nothing more you can do as your car vanishes in the distance.</p><p><br /></p><p>Luckily your car has a GPS tracker, so you call the car company to get the location of your vehicle. You get your kid back. The carjackers go to prison. Everyone lives happily ever after.</p><p><br /></p><p>Except the car company is Volkswagen, and your GPS free trial has expired. If you want to get your kid back (not sure how you feel about the car at this point), you will have to pay a $150 fee to activate the software.</p><p><br /></p><p>That's what happened to a Libertyville family not too long ago. VW refused to help until they had that $150 payment. Even the cops were taken aback, and you know how I feel about those fucking guys. Check it out:</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #101010; font-family: "Publico Text", serif; font-size: 21.12px;"></span></p><blockquote>"This is an abducted 2-year-old, and the response was there is nothing they can do this is their policy," added Deputy Chief Chris Covelli with the Lake County Sheriff's Office.</blockquote><p></p><p><br /></p><p>Holy shit. Corporations do not care about you. They only care about money. Remember that every time you see a commercial where the corporation claims their workers are all family, and it's a fun and rewarding workplace. Here's a quote from the mother in this story:</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #101010; font-family: "Publico Text", serif; font-size: 21.12px;"></span></p><blockquote>"I didn't even think that that would be an issue that Volkswagen would refuse to tell us where our son was - especially when it's a kidnapping, and every second matters," said Shepherd. "It's life or death that we're going to get him home."</blockquote><p></p><p><br /></p><p>And here's the bitch of this story. VOLKSWAGEN DID NOT HELP UNTIL THEY PAID THAT FEE. Only then did they activate the software and find the car. By then it was a moot point. Someone had found the kid wandering by a highway in Waukegan. They also found the car, so this story has a somewhat happy ending. I say somewhat because they never did get the carjackers. And the family suffers from nightmares. They're all in therapy now. Understandably so.</p><p><br /></p><p>After the fact, and without contacting the family in question, Volkswagen started offering the GPS feature for free for five years. Fucking assholes. Although I can only imagine what would happen if they were called upon to help solve another kidnapping after the five year time limit. I can only guess they'll want $150 to help. Or more. I'm sure by that point it will be two hundred. Hell, why not three? If regulators are too stretched thin to, uh, regulate, then what's to stop you from charging four hundred? Five?</p><p><br /></p><p>I'll let the mom have the last word, and I hope it's something you'll think about the next time you're tempted to pay a fee just to ignore it.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #101010; font-family: "Publico Text", serif; font-size: 21.12px;"></span></p><blockquote>"How could you not give that information when you know what could happen to that little child?" Shepherd said.</blockquote><p></p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-12260587790777849642024-03-25T21:20:00.002-05:002024-03-25T21:20:51.362-05:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #821: NOT FEELING IT<p> Nope. Not at all. I got sick again this morning. I also had my abscess wound violated. The doctor put a Q-Tip into the wound several times to see how deep it is. So no, I'm not feeling it tonight.</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-34882968663534918762024-03-22T20:58:00.000-05:002024-03-22T20:58:26.542-05:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #820: AIN'T<p> After last night's GF I'm sure you can figure out that I'm not doing all that great. I'm still leaking bloody pus from my ass, so I'd rather not be sitting at my laptop and typing. I was already at work for eight hours, where I sat down all day. My ripped up jeans aren't looking so hot, but I decided to wear my trench coat whenever I had to stand up. Only the sups know about about the seat of my pants.</p><p><br /></p><p>So needless to say, this will be a short one.</p><p><br /></p><p>Every once in a while I hear someone admonish someone else for using the word "ain't." They say things like, "Ain't isn't a word." I need that to stop now. Yes, this is coming from the guy who fought tooth and nail to hold onto the Oxford comma. I lost that one and others, and the score is very obvious to me now. Evolve or be left behind.</p><p><br /></p><p>The next time someone tells you ain't isn't a word, tell 'em I said fuck you. No, wait, don't do that. Sorry, I'm feeling very . . . raw. Raw is the perfect word for my current state. No, instead tell them to look at a dictionary. They'll find ain't under the A's. So yeah, that makes it a word.</p><p><br /></p><p>Languages are supposed to evolve over time. Take a look at the earliest form of our language, Old English. It has very little in common with modern usage of English. Ours is a Germanic language, and Old English sounds kind of like German.</p><p><br /></p><p>Ain't might not be grammatical, as it's a contraction of "is not." One would be hard pressed to find out what "ai" means. But you should still use "ain't."<br /></p><p><br /></p><p>If I were to say to you the word "enormity," what would you say that means? Hint: it doesn't mean "enormous." Give up? It indicates a bad act or an immoral act, one that's really, really bad. Like, say, flying a couple of planes into the World Trade Center. But so many people got the definition wrong that the language said, fuck it. Enormity means big now.</p><p><br /></p><p>This one still irritates me, but language evolution is also why when people use the word "literally" they could be referring to something figurative instead. People literally kept saying "literally" for dramatic effect rather than its actual meaning. Watching a baseball player running fast to home plate, an announcer might say, "Look at him go! He's literally on fire!" But there is an unfortunate lack of flames on the player's body. I still hold a grudge on this one, but fine.</p><p><br /></p><p>Heh. Fine usually means OK, but considering how many people use it who are suffering in silence? I'll bet fine will mean something else in the near future.</p><p><br /></p><p>Language evolves. Evolve with it.</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-60067986511299915292024-03-21T21:54:00.000-05:002024-03-21T21:54:22.393-05:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #819: THE RETURN OF THE ABSCESS<p> Around about the time I started writing these columns I had a horrible abscess in a very uncomfortable place, ie. an inch from my sack. I don't feel like going back through 14 years of Tales of Unspeakable Taste to find the pieces I wrote about it. Needless to say, it was a harrowing experience, one I would have liked to never experience again.</p><p><br /></p><p>The abscess didn't come back the very next day, but it did rear its ugly face again. A little while ago I was showering when I felt an odd lump on the inside of my right asscheek, right there in the crack. It was maybe the size of my fingernail. Oh shit. Well, I'm seeing my doctor in a couple of weeks. I'll mention it to him then.</p><p><br /></p><p>And the fucker grew overnight. I wouldn't say it was as big as a baby's fist, like the first abscess had been, but this one was long and felt kind of like the first two knuckles of my middle finger. Due to my recent ER visits I didn't want to go back there. My hospital was bought out, and I think the new corporate overlords are trying to enshittify it. I hoped my doctor could lance it himself, so I called his office and was told in no uncertain terms that this falls under the purview of the ER.</p><p><br /></p><p>So I went back, thinking at least it wasn't five yet. Five is when it gets really busy there. But my hopes were dashed immediately when I saw the waiting room was full. So I sat--on my ass, you know, the one with the fucking abscess on it--and waited for hours. They were so busy they put me on the cardiac ward instead.</p><p><br /></p><p>The doc eventually came in, numbed my butt cheek and cut into the abscess. I could feel his findings dribbling down to the back of my nutsack. I was face down, so at least I was spared the stink, unlike last time. It felt like I lost about fifteen pounds of bloody pus, but when I sat up it looked like a watery blood stain, not nearly as big as I expected. Although it looked like it had gone down the outside of my thigh, too. When you pop an abscess, the rotten pus inside can go a fair distance. I remember the first time I saw bloody pus spots on the ceiling.</p><p><br /></p><p>Thankfully I had experience, so I knew to wear a pair of boxers that didn't fit that well and a pair of ripped up jeans that I never wear anymore. I don't mean the knees were ripped up. If I wear pants long enough, the crotch eventually tears itself open in little spots. I still wore them because I didn't have a lot of money, but once I ran the risk of my dick poking out I packed them away.</p><p><br /></p><p>I didn't think about my trench coat, though, nor the seat of my car. I pulled the back of the coat up so it was above my waist, and I had a plastic bag in my console. I usually keep it there for when I go to Sonic because I've never *not* had their bags rip on me. As I type this I sit on another plastic bag to protect my blanket.</p><p><br /></p><p>(If you ever wondered what I look like when I write these, I'm sitting in bed wearing nothing but my boxers. How's that for a horrifying fuckin' image?)</p><p><br /></p><p>Today was my day off. Tomorrow I have to go to work with the seat of my pants stained red. I will sit on a plastic bag at my desk. And I will probably be in pain, but lucky me, I held back a few pain pills. Hopefully that will pacify my ass. Literally. Anyway, it should be fun explaining to my coworkers why my pants are stained in such a fashion. Ordinarily I'd have to tell that to just one person, but they canceled work at home last week, so the office will be full tomorrow. Lucky them.</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-6849652659814102542024-03-20T22:27:00.000-05:002024-03-20T22:27:18.098-05:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #818: LIVING ON PAST DEATH<p> I spent almost all of my life being a shitty cook. I could barely put a bowl of cereal together. It's weird because my dad was a great cook. So was his father before him, so it's not like it skips a generation. I can't tell you how many kitchens I've set on fire because I was a lousy cook. Scratch that, I can tell you the exact number: four.</p><p><br /></p><p>For the longest time I thought I just didn't have it in me. Like building things or writing what my mom called "nice stories." "Do you have to write about death all the time? Why can't you write something nice?" But as I grew older I thought maybe there was a psychological block in my head somewhere. I loved my dad, but we had a few issues over the years, and I didn't want to follow in his footsteps. So maybe that was it.</p><p><br /></p><p>A friend of mine agreed, and he offered to teach me how to make my favorite food ever: cheeseburgers. And now I make some damn fine burgers. With the cheese on top of the patty, goddammit. On top, like it's supposed to be, Randers.</p><p><br /></p><p>I figured if I could make a cheeseburger breakthrough, maybe if I put my mind to it I can teach myself how to cook. Now that I think about it, I'm sure I've talked about this before. That's the thing about doing 800+ columns. It's hard to remember every single thing you've written about.</p><p><br /></p><p>But I'm going into something specific here. While I was on sick leave, during a day where I felt pretty decent, I decided to make a full breakfast. Eggs, toast, bacon, hash browns. Except I have no fucking clue how to make hash browns.</p><p><br /></p><p>But the second to last time I went out to Vegas to visit Dad, he showed me an alternate way to make them: mash up a bunch of tater tots. So that's what I did. Granted, I was using memories that were a few years old and experienced originally through an alcohol haze, but by the time I was done and eating I couldn't help but think, goddam, these hash browns are really fucking good.</p><p><br /></p><p>I realized in that moment that Dad was living through me. He was alive again for however long it took me to make those hash browns and eat them. It was a good feeling. I may even have lamely said hi to him, but I can't be certain, especially not in such a public forum. My eyes might have been a little wet, too. It was probably caused by dust.</p><p><br /></p><p>I rode high on that good feeling until later that night when I realized, no, Dad lived through me because I'm his flesh and blood continued. He lives through my brother, Frank, and my sister Rachael. But more to the point, I'm an uncle now. (If you can imagine that horror. And yes, I've decided that if called upon to perform uncle-type duties, I will model myself after Gary Busey in Silver Bullet, as God intended.) Dad lives on through li'l baby Jameson.</p><p><br /></p><p>Sometimes I think that's the point of life, to keep the ball rolling. I kinda blew that one, as I have no children. I sometimes joke that I don't think I have kids, but I'm 99% certain I don't. I'm very careful when it comes to that kind of thing. But to keep the chain of humanity going ever onward, ever evolving, for as long as we can? That seems to be something we're good at.</p><p><br /></p><p>Then again, sometimes I think the point of life is having a really good breakfast, and that day I dined like a king.</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-77265778886992107672024-03-19T22:16:00.005-05:002024-03-19T22:16:50.059-05:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #817: TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE, REDUX<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh2SDgerYNhs2_9Au6amMUtJAZ_5MLqG8k-ZPDup52ixJnHbKZ-o77ifu1-JNdXxNK_IZn6hr1K1TrDiztl9YCa0ffVgbUgomeUIzipWjIm8QTmoADg9LpLZz_FPGGN31FbpAKY0v4ev4zCmhD17ke40QwOAbFHjbIpCsk_UlREsUbQav7VlKIw8R7yoVo" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1376" data-original-width="2048" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh2SDgerYNhs2_9Au6amMUtJAZ_5MLqG8k-ZPDup52ixJnHbKZ-o77ifu1-JNdXxNK_IZn6hr1K1TrDiztl9YCa0ffVgbUgomeUIzipWjIm8QTmoADg9LpLZz_FPGGN31FbpAKY0v4ev4zCmhD17ke40QwOAbFHjbIpCsk_UlREsUbQav7VlKIw8R7yoVo" width="320" /></a></div><br /> My brother, Alex, shares his birthday with Kurt Russell on March 17. That's pretty cool. Up until 5 seconds ago I was only aware that I shared a birthday with Walter Payton, which only really means something if you live in my neck of the woods. The reason I say "until 5 seconds ago" is because I Googled it, and it looks like there are other celebrities who have their birthday on July 25. I don't really give much of a shit about Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus and Matt LeBlanc, but holy shit! Woody Strode was born on July 25! So was Walter Brennan, which probably means nothing to many of you. But Natalie Portman might get your attention.<div><br /><div><p>Ooh. La-di-da. Look at me. Jeez. Anyway.</p><p><br /></p><p>The reason I bring up Kurt Russell is because he does a fantastic job as Wyatt Earp in the movie, Tombstone. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that, kind of like I don't have to tell you that water is wet. I noticed something that not many other people talk about, which is that Russell adds a particular flavor to his acting style in this one. I saw it again in H8ful Eight and in Bone Tomahawk, which others *have* mentioned, but if you really want to go back he did it in Big Trouble in Little China, where it's a lot more pronounced.</p><p><br /></p><p>In these films Russell adds quite a bit of John Wayne to his performances. Go back and watch Tombstone again. You'll hear it in Russell's speech patterns.</p><p><br /></p><p>It's a funny thing. If you go back to the very beginning of John Wayne's career, back when he was still signing photos as "Marion," it turns out that Wayne modeled his demeanor after this guy who used to hang out on the sets of westerns in Hollywood's infancy. He thought this guy was the toughest son of a bitch he'd ever met and wanted to be just like him. He walked like this guy, he talked like this guy. The very persona of the Duke that everyone around my age is very familiar with was all based on this one guy.</p><p><br /></p><p>This guy was there as a consultant. You see, he'd actually been part of the Wild West. He'd been the law in cow towns like Abilene and Dodge City (yes, Dodge City!). In fact, he ran a faro table in Tombstone. It's difficult to say how many men this guy killed, but the estimates range from eight to upwards of thirty.</p><p><br /></p><p>That's the thing, though. He didn't *just* run a faro table in Tombstone. That guy's name?</p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjx1_CswNdmlywRY8JYyfmeivynhAqxQzPxfv2mLonOfqB6zkiItkbX_v1tMzVwz5hb4nGde1ezCqBG_EhEGN8k9nQUq2HDOYhHgpIE9ZR7libTguwu7iBTKb6VMSr8stapzfXb8ssNwCSfjEhwr2KaeQiN3IsjbUwK0GJCnGbSLMew-Pr9xL0LdbwJQ2M" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="1000" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjx1_CswNdmlywRY8JYyfmeivynhAqxQzPxfv2mLonOfqB6zkiItkbX_v1tMzVwz5hb4nGde1ezCqBG_EhEGN8k9nQUq2HDOYhHgpIE9ZR7libTguwu7iBTKb6VMSr8stapzfXb8ssNwCSfjEhwr2KaeQiN3IsjbUwK0GJCnGbSLMew-Pr9xL0LdbwJQ2M" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>His name was Wyatt Earp.</p><p><br /></p><p>Time is a flat circle.</p></div></div>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-85390222005189780082024-03-18T22:31:00.000-05:002024-03-18T22:31:07.636-05:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #816: THIS ALSO SHALL PASS AWAY<p> The older I get, the more I hear people say, "Oh God. I'm so old!" And the funny thing is, I hear people in their fuckin' twenties saying it. Granted, the world is so fucked right now that I'm not surprised they feel old. But I have a theory. People who say they're so old absolutely fucking love saying it. I think deep down they don't actually believe they're really old.</p><p><br /></p><p>I think I'm old, but 45 isn't that old, big picture. Not only that, but the longer I live, the more I realize that appearance of age has changed drastically since I was a kid. People who were in their sixties when I was a wee lad looked more like they were in their eighties. Sixties looks a lot younger these days than it used to. Not sure what caused that, but people are staying more youthful than they used to. As a result, I think the only people allowed to say they're old are people aged seventy and above.</p><p><br /></p><p>Conversely, don't ever dare tell a young person that they're young. Young people fucking hate that with a passion. I think it's their urge to grow up and be taken seriously. Young people look even younger to me today. College kids look like junior high schoolers to me. And they will fight tooth and nail to be considered old. Maybe that's why they start saying it in their twenties. It's an attempt to appear more worldly in the eyes of others.</p><p><br /></p><p>I swear to fuck, youth is wasted on the young. If I knew all the things I do now back when I was still a teenager, I would have maximized my youth to its fullest potential. But I didn't. I was too busy thinking old. But there are things that I was very much aware of back then.</p><p><br /></p><p>I was one of the very few kids who didn't want to grow up. (Yes, I was a Toys Backwards R Us kid.) I tried to hold onto the things of childhood later than others my age because I knew that the real world would be waiting to chew me up and spit me out, and I wanted to prolong that day for as long as possible. I still played with my GI Joes and Transformers long after I should have. I'd tell you when I stopped, but I'm going to leave that to your imagination. You'd think I was crazy. Considering all the other crazy shit I've said here, that's probably saying something.</p><p><br /></p><p>I remember the last class I had in high school. I remember looking around, thinking I would never see this place again. I'd graduate, and that was it. When I walked out the main entrance to the buses, then I would no longer be a student. And I have never gone back to York Community High School since graduation. I clutched at these things, trying to stop time from moving so goddam fast. Savoring experiences that no one else ever would simply because I knew I wouldn't have that in adulthood.</p><p><br /></p><p>When I hit adulthood, I hit pretty hard. I accepted that my world had moved on, and I had to move on to keep up. The world is always moving on. And I think that's what's at the heart of my midlife crisis.</p><p><br /></p><p>"This also shall pass." Contrary to popular belief that's not in the Bible. It's in Solomon's Seal by Edward FitzGerald. It's probably an old Persian saying, but FitzGerald popularized it. I suppose it's easy to see why so many people think it's biblical. But here's the quote: "The Sultan asked Solomon for a signet motto, that should hold good for Adversity and Prosperity. Solomon gave him, 'This also shall pass away.'" I'm certain it's what Chuck Berry was thinking of when he wrote "Pass Away."</p><p><br /></p><p>It's possibly the wisest thing someone could say. It's 100% true in the best of times and the worst of times. It was true before humanity rose from the beasts, and it will be true after we're gone.</p><p><br /></p><p>I want you to think of your favorite toy from when you were a kid. Some of you may even still have it, but I'll bet for most of you it's long gone. Do you long for it? Or do you think, ah, that's just kid stuff. Now hold your most prized possession and know that one day either you will not have it, or it will not have you. You always hope for the former, but the latter is always there, waiting. As Chuck Berry said, "But mortal flesh must come to clay, even this must pass away."</p><p><br /></p><p>"I'm so old!" Maybe. Maybe not. But the next time someone says that to you, look them in the eye. You'll feel the words are exaggerated frustration, and that there is a gleam of pleasure in that person's eyes. Don't be so quick to age. If you live long enough, you'll get there, and I'll bet not a single one of you will facetiously say you're old. When you say it in the future, YOU WILL MEAN IT. And then there's no turning back. The world will have moved on.</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-83206316664267973992024-03-15T21:58:00.000-05:002024-03-15T21:58:49.851-05:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #815: SNOW FORT<p> When I was a kid I built my share of snow forts. The unfortunate thing is, I was lousy at it. Thankfully, and this is probably the only time you'll hear me say this, but thankfully I had my stepfather.</p><p><br /></p><p>I talk shit about him all the time with good reason, but no one is completely a piece of shit. Except for Donald Trump, but he barely qualifies as human. At any rate, my stepfather had a few good qualities, and one of them was he was a genius. He was a biologist with a well-known Chicago area university, and he wrote books on the subject.</p><p><br /></p><p>I should probably mention, before you start armchair shrinking me, that I wanted to be an author *before* I met him. Just a weird coincidence.</p><p><br /></p><p>One of the things he was really good at was building snow forts. They were masterpieces of architecture. He tried to teach me how, but I have no skill for building anything, the reason being is I can somehow measure out, say, an inch, but anyone else measuring the same inch would get two. At first I thought I was so unlucky that I blamed every ruler I ever got for being wrong until I realized that the problem was with me.</p><p><br /></p><p>Hey, I was ten years old when I came to that conclusion.</p><p><br /></p><p>I shit you not, someone could live in his snow forts. The walls were so solid you could probably punch one and break your hand. And these fuckers were huge. As a child I could stand up inside, reach my hand up and barely touch the ceiling. And he didn't just build this part, because he knew that you needed a refuge during a snow battle, but you needed ramparts to defend, too. He also built those ramparts so that they were nearly impenetrable.</p><p><br /></p><p>No one could sack our snow fort, no matter how hard they tried. I rarely won anything when I was in his presence, but I could win snow wars. And yes, I did pretend I was on Hoth during such skirmishes.</p><p><br /></p><p>You know what I never see anymore? Kids building snow forts. It seems they're only interested in snowmen, and that's just barely. I know, I know, kids today have so many things vying for their attention, but I *did* have TV when I was a kid. Maybe the other parents back then forbade their kids from watching TV for too long, and they're not doing that for any and all devices today for whatever reason.</p><p><br /></p><p>I don't want to come off as a grumpy old man complaining about kids today ("But?" I hear you ask), but my complaint is *not* with the kids. It's with their parents. We have adults today who were raised on the internet and tablets and smartphones, and that can't possibly be healthy. Why aren't parents more vigilant today? I'm sure middle-aged men when I was a kid were bitching about how TV couldn't possibly be healthy for kids, so maybe I'm just muttering darkly at the cloud instead of yelling at it. I *do* think I'm going through a midlife crisis, after all. I could be talking out of my ass, but the older I get the more I enjoy time away from any screen, any modern tech. It feels better, and I'm not sure why other people don't do that. I get it. Devices are addictive. They're designed that way, like cigarette companies putting nicotine in their product.</p><p><br /></p><p>*sigh* Ah well.</p><p><br /></p><p>I have very few happy memories with my stepfather, but I do miss those days building snow forts with him.</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-28811750474931279112024-03-14T21:55:00.000-05:002024-03-14T21:55:53.910-05:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #814: OH, THE SPINAL INJECTIONS YOU'RE GOING TO GET!<p> I think I might have mentioned here that I've been getting spinal injections for my bad foot and for the pain in my back. I've had three of them so far, and the fourth and final one is scheduled for next Thursday.</p><p><br /></p><p>Except . . .</p><p><br /></p><p>Today I saw the doctor I originally saw for this, not the pain clinic doc. We were discussing next steps, and I told him about the injections. He said he does those procedures himself and knows they're good, and he's glad I'm feeling better, but he doesn't think that last injection will help me. It will be the same as the one I got last Thursday, meaning it won't be different like the other two. It's for arthritis in my back, and he doesn't think it will help with what he thinks is causing the pain.</p><p><br /></p><p>Because now that I've had an MRI he can see the discs between my vertebrae. Two of them we already knew were too thin, but now we can see they're bulging, too. Not much. Just enough to cause the pain. He says an epidural injection would be more beneficial to me, and that it should kill the pain but good.</p><p><br /></p><p>So now I'm wondering what the hell I should do. I'm leaning toward doing the epidural and canceling next week's injection, but I want to talk to the pain clinic first. I also have a bunch of new info in my MyChart to look over in regards to the epidural. It's not a decision I need to make today, so I'm going to think about it tomorrow and over the weekend. I'll figure it out by Monday.</p><p><br /></p><p>To do one spinal injection, or to do a different one? It's gonna suck either way. I view it as an Alien v Predator situation: whoever wins, we lose.</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-57554789810915930662024-03-13T22:14:00.000-05:002024-03-13T22:14:15.546-05:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #813: TIKTOK BAN<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiAkANh5eXjabwsce492kTKH9jd1O8dIPClOZwyqgsk8fvzoUfqwe2Vd9RI1XHzxz1X1dmqSp6PtXhmO45jGFkIex_tjmMGOwrmxTZPuMV64AjaxZaAgQ19_LKIsef1Hrw9JSBZkSgRPhQipdoj0Ju6l72rccF-ujkyWq1gQbt7-37NN3N9WOyJjmAoKZM" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="700" data-original-width="1400" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiAkANh5eXjabwsce492kTKH9jd1O8dIPClOZwyqgsk8fvzoUfqwe2Vd9RI1XHzxz1X1dmqSp6PtXhmO45jGFkIex_tjmMGOwrmxTZPuMV64AjaxZaAgQ19_LKIsef1Hrw9JSBZkSgRPhQipdoj0Ju6l72rccF-ujkyWq1gQbt7-37NN3N9WOyJjmAoKZM" width="320" /></a></div><br /> <p></p><p>You probably heard about the TikTok bill working its way through Congress today because the House passed it on to the Senate, where it's likely to pass on to Joe Biden's desk. Biden has already said he would sign it into law.</p><p><br /></p><p>I hesitate to use the word ban, because that's technically not what Congress is doing. Technically. Their problem is that ByteDance, who owns the company, is located in China, and we all know that talking shit about China gets politicians' dicks hard. Their concern is that the Chinese government might try to force the company to surrender its American users' data. (What about the rest of the world's data? Ah, fuck 'em, right?) What the bill actually says is, in order to continue operating in the US, ByteDance must sell TikTok to someone we're *not* enemies with. Either that, or they can kiss the US market goodbye.</p><p><br /></p><p>So it's not a ban. It's a my-way-or-the-highway suggestion. It's altogether possible that ByteDance will eat the loss and move on because the US is only number three when it comes to population by country in the world. We're not even at half a million, and China and India have about 1.4M each. Granted, they're not all TikTok users, but that's a pretty wide market to take a bite out of. That's still not taking into account the populations of the other 231 countries. I saw a stat that says there's 172M TikTok users in the US. It would be painful to move on without us, but it's doable.</p><p><br /></p><p>So it's possible it could turn into a ban, and all those politicians who voted for it will have their kids at their throats. I'm sure they live there on those various and sundry throats already, but I'm a little eager to see how that unfolds. Because I actually agree. TikTok should be held accountable, but not for the reasons Congress thinks.</p><p><br /></p><p>Because ANY AND ALL corporate social media platforms do not give a single solitary fuck about their users' data. They view it as their job to take as much as possible from the users, not to help them. Helping people is detrimental to a company's bottom line. Social media is a huge fucking scam, and none of our data is safe.</p><p><br /></p><p>If you doubt me, try turning down the terms and conditions when you sign up for a site. Have you ever read the terms and conditions? I'll bet you haven't, and if you did you wouldn't be so fast to sign away the rights to your data. But let's say you wanted to read the whole fucking thing. How long would it take?</p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhYvdQ6fv1UTtkkV_DJRKpP60yhYvYY2vox3n5kW7B6kqv8FkHuObOAwCktjH239oLDim5e_biPzv2geobKmaG3BF3NjZL1snkpGBOm5z9dLBvBX__a3xU1VuOIN0BqIyZ-4kylkYe8USqgZx3e1yKUc-8sZeeSrHQaFZqTGnVhtxeRfV_L1ESPHf_qNwc" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="5366" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhYvdQ6fv1UTtkkV_DJRKpP60yhYvYY2vox3n5kW7B6kqv8FkHuObOAwCktjH239oLDim5e_biPzv2geobKmaG3BF3NjZL1snkpGBOm5z9dLBvBX__a3xU1VuOIN0BqIyZ-4kylkYe8USqgZx3e1yKUc-8sZeeSrHQaFZqTGnVhtxeRfV_L1ESPHf_qNwc=w90-h400" width="90" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>That long. Whoo-boy, that Microsoft one is an absolute killer. These terms are designed that way to discourage you from reading it. Why spend the time when it's just easier to click on YES?</p><p><br /></p><p>And don't get me wrong. I'm with you all, too. I signed my data away, as well, because there were more advantages to having, say, a Facebook page than there were disadvantages. But the longer I think about it, the less I'm comfortable with that.</p><p><br /></p><p>I read a story today about how a bunch of people got scammed by a chef on Facebook. The problem is, it wasn't him. It was his profile, but someone hacked him, and when he tried getting his page back Facebook was absolutely no help. Such complaints apparently fall down into a black hole and are never seen again. <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2024/03/13/hacked-facebook-account-scam/" target="_blank">No, really!</a></p><p><br /></p><p>Like the guy in that story, most people who are hacked out of their profiles are so frustrated they give up and leave social media altogether. I understand that, but how comfortable are you knowing that a scammer now controls your Facebook page and has access not only to all your pictures, but also to those DMs you send?</p><p><br /></p><p>You've known me a while, so I'm sure you know what my next step is. That's right, social media isn't special. ALL corporations do this. If you're unfamiliar with Cory Doctorow's concept of "enshittification," it goes like this. Companies are super helpful to their users while they're building their audience. Then they fuck over their users in favor of advertisers. The final step is when they fuck over the advertisers in favor of their own products. Since we're using Facebook as an example, you can very easily track their enshittification. The moment Meta reared its head was when it entered the third stage. For some reason, though, Facebook has not collapsed like so many others before it. But as Doctorow is fond of quoting, "Anything that can't go on forever will eventually stop." Cheerful thought. Seems obvious, but think about it for a moment. What would you do if tomorrow Coca-Cola went out of business? Doesn't seem possible, does it? But one day Coke will be gone. It's a fact. We might not be around for that day, but it will come.</p><p><br /></p><p>Long story short (too late) I don't think Congress is going far enough. TikTok is doing to its American users exactly what EVERY FUCKING SOCIAL MEDIA SITE DOES TO ITS AMERICAN USERS. All of them. No exceptions. So why go after just TikTok? Because they're Chinese and thus are our enemies?</p><p><br /></p><p>Maybe we're getting a glimpse into the mind of <i>Americanus politicianis</i>, one of the most terrible species on the planet. The message I'm getting from them is, Chinese companies can't fuck with American users because, dammit, that's our job. We can't be outsourcing the abuse of American consumers to foreign nations. American companies might starve to death, and that's unthinkable.</p><p><br /></p><p>Apply this bill to all corporations doing business in America, you fucking cowards.</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-74885355544059562202024-03-12T22:22:00.000-05:002024-03-12T22:22:33.099-05:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #812: RANDY'S CHEESEBURGERS<p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjdlO-ijTx_xDDRilqkfC5LnvCDukUnfMyqeVgwVHX98YPJdNNOd4TOr-p1A29fmbV49KT0NUH_TottvGpZvz12iN2REZ7MMB6bhTSQzkXpd15P4DqMuAptpF53Yp9StQweHwOsGuNUDJCHYg5zsNekOMPfffQcfQwPy1kzvka0vDZI6XEV-0DUCK28h7Y" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="716" data-original-width="1272" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjdlO-ijTx_xDDRilqkfC5LnvCDukUnfMyqeVgwVHX98YPJdNNOd4TOr-p1A29fmbV49KT0NUH_TottvGpZvz12iN2REZ7MMB6bhTSQzkXpd15P4DqMuAptpF53Yp9StQweHwOsGuNUDJCHYg5zsNekOMPfffQcfQwPy1kzvka0vDZI6XEV-0DUCK28h7Y" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Jim Lahey Show and Randy</td></tr></tbody></table><br /> <p></p><p>If you follow me on social media, you know I did a rewatch of Trailer Park Boys. It turns out I missed a couple of movies the first time, and there's a new series. I finished it all, but that new series is exclusive to <a href="https://www.swearnet.com/" target="_blank">Swearnet</a>. If you don't know, the boys created their own streaming network so they didn't have to be constrained by someone else's rules. For just two bucks a month you get access to everything.</p><p><br /></p><p>So I finished what they had of TPB: Jail Shorts and moved on to other stuff. You all know I have an affinity for Mr. Lahey, as he and I were both thrall to the Liquor and its extremes. So I was happy to discover The Jim Lahey Show and Randy, a late night show with booze, cursing, alcoholic blowouts and other lunacies, weed and Randy's cheeseburger recipes.</p><p><br /></p><p>Like, for example, Cheeseburger Pancakes. Yes, you read that right.</p><p><br /></p><p>I'm a lot like Randy, too. When I'm at home I rarely wear a shirt, and I fuckin' love cheeseburgers. But I gotta get something off my chest. Randy doesn't know how to make a cheeseburger.</p><p><br /></p><p>Randy is one of those assholes who puts the cheese UNDER THE PATTY. I'm a burger purist, and nothing should go under the meat. Everything should go up on top. Putting anything UNDER the meat changes the whole taste dynamic.</p><p><br /></p><p>I think only cheese, ketchup and mustard should go on a burger. Some fast food places have decent onions and pickles, and I can live with that. I ordinarily hate bacon on a burger, but I've discovered that for some strange unfathomable reason the Bacon McDouble is great.</p><p><br /></p><p>I'm never going to give anyone shit for putting tomatoes or lettuce on their burgers, but I would never put them on my burger. To me that's crazy talk. You can't let supposedly healthy food get in the way of a good burger.</p><p><br /></p><p>And yes, if you were wondering I absolutely hate it when food touches food. Food must be pure and eaten separately from other food. And no, I won't just take the tomato and lettuce off the burger. THAT SHIT HAS INFECTED THE BURGER. It's of no use to me now.</p><p><br /></p><p>And yes (again) I am a little OCD. Maybe more than that. I used to be a lot worse. I wouldn't exactly say I was Adrian Monk, but I was pretty bad.</p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEif5aF-xDGglrEjD4j-xRRK3gDKQR1KT8AAy_S7NA8kOYaQlIATXhCmHvq2z5Wwgeqv-aDYzlXxUUDLJ6RIx733oB4vFlshvzxTnd0qSxdX3PElLdI7q4meeHwussLIodF7K4TIExR7DWyd8YfpSWPePvMZnyQR6KOHnFSwoPUnNoqBK9v1VE_ihn7TlNw" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="228" data-original-width="300" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEif5aF-xDGglrEjD4j-xRRK3gDKQR1KT8AAy_S7NA8kOYaQlIATXhCmHvq2z5Wwgeqv-aDYzlXxUUDLJ6RIx733oB4vFlshvzxTnd0qSxdX3PElLdI7q4meeHwussLIodF7K4TIExR7DWyd8YfpSWPePvMZnyQR6KOHnFSwoPUnNoqBK9v1VE_ihn7TlNw" width="316" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p>*sigh* Maybe I'm being harsh on ol' Randers. I guess if it makes him happy, he should do it. I just hate to see good cheeseburgers go to waste like that.</p><p><br /></p><p>And don't get me started on those damned kids on my lawn!</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-18479364562672513242024-03-11T22:10:00.000-05:002024-03-11T22:10:47.763-05:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #811: A RETURN TO WORK<p> After being gone from work for nearly two months, I returned today. Of course I slept lousy last night, so I kind of shuffled through my day. I found, much to my delight, that I did not forget how to sell auto glass. Also, for the first time ever, I didn't have hours of emails and notifications waiting for me upon my return. I got through all of it before even punching in, and I was only five minutes earlier than usual today.</p><p><br /></p><p>All in all, not a bad day. It felt good to be back to doing something with my days other than stewing in bed, waiting for my sickness bouts to be over. I almost got my quota before lunch. The afternoon slowed down, so I didn't get a lot of sales, but I made more than expected.</p><p><br /></p><p>It was a fairly easy day until the last call of the shift. It's always the last call of the shift.</p><p><br /></p><p>I had about eight minutes to go before quitting time, but I figured the incoming call wouldn't be the one to keep me late. It would be the next call. I was, of course, wrong.</p><p><br /></p><p>"Lemme ask you a quick question," he said. You *all* know how I feel about "quick" questions. And, naturally, I had to do one of my most annoying tasks at work: I had to get OEM info for the customer.</p><p><br /></p><p>Original Equipment Manufacturer, in case you were wondering. To do that I had to reach out to a dealership, and I usually have to call several of them before I get through to a parts department willing to help. This is where things get tricky because you can't ask what the part number is. 95% of the time they won't give it to you without a fight. The reason is, they want to sell the part, not help me with a fact finding mission. So I have to be very deceptive to get the info I need out of them, and it's a hassle. I have a long history of doing morally questionable things in the name of my job, but I'd just rather not. And then, my least favorite part, is tricking the parts desk guy into giving me the part number. I'm fairly successful at this. I'd say I only fail 20% of the time.</p><p><br /></p><p>For this customer I called three dealers before I got someone who could help. And when I tricked him into giving me the part number, I saw it was nothing like the one I expected. This is because our system can look up any modern VIN (meaning, a VIN with 17 characters) EXCEPT for brand new vehicles. My system thought it was a Buick Envision, but in talking to the parts guy I discovered that this is supposed to be a brand new model debuting this year.</p><p><br /></p><p>I kept working on it until I left, which was 20 minutes late. Fuck.</p><p><br /></p><p>But I didn't talk to any asshole customers. I did have to clean up other people's mistakes, mostly customer mistakes, thankfully. But I made it through without suffering too much.</p><p><br /></p><p>Except for one thing. After lunch I reached out to my contact in regards to that position I'm desperately trying to get with another team. It's a dream job (as far as dream jobs can go at this company), and I was afraid my time off might have fucked up my ambitions.</p><p><br /></p><p>My contact was no longer with the company. I reached out to his boss, who would have been my boss, and he said that they decided not to go with anyone. They restructured the department instead. I am once again stranded at a sales job that pays fairly well but is otherwise not very pleasant for me. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that. We seem to run through supervisors pretty quickly. Maybe another position will pop up, and I'll try for that.</p><p><br /></p><p>I'm sure that work treated me well merely because it was my first day back. I'm sure I'll be bitching and moaning again soon. Maybe even by the end of the week! We shall see . . .</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-20135799643752920692024-03-08T21:07:00.001-06:002024-03-08T21:07:29.296-06:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #810: THE RETURN, PART 2<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQMiHh5Gf4jOzeQCUqGztWuciEi1NhElYG1f5_iSKw_nve2sQDmCbupevXvDrR6asLHneqD1BVXDVq9KAb8kD2_j-nYgnvngStq96N1bO5CpxGgqFywERxSZmZZ3jRmhrX9mZUcgAokpfHr1xBAeGnhM_u8DyYtsZ2HTqWLiNN4SQEpq5gJ63g_2jpgTE/s2992/Tabard%20Inn%20Death.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2992" data-original-width="2992" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQMiHh5Gf4jOzeQCUqGztWuciEi1NhElYG1f5_iSKw_nve2sQDmCbupevXvDrR6asLHneqD1BVXDVq9KAb8kD2_j-nYgnvngStq96N1bO5CpxGgqFywERxSZmZZ3jRmhrX9mZUcgAokpfHr1xBAeGnhM_u8DyYtsZ2HTqWLiNN4SQEpq5gJ63g_2jpgTE/s320/Tabard%20Inn%20Death.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p>So the next day I went back to Graceland Cemetery to find Death from issue 2 and the Greek ruins from issue 3. Finding the statue of Death is easy. It marks the family grave of the pioneers who founded the City of Chicago. But no one is interested in the plaque on the back. Everyone wants to peer into Death's face to see how they're going to die.</p><p><br /></p><p>That's not me talking out my ass. That's the urban legend. The first time I looked Death in the face? I saw Death's face and nothing more. That's held true for every subsequent time, including this most recent visit. Nothing. But it was good to see an old friend.</p><p><br /></p><p>I was tempted to pull a Bill Murray in Ghostbusters 2 when he's taking pictures of a certain Carpathian, but maybe a cemetery isn't the best place to do that. But know in my mind I screamed, "Destroy me!"</p><p><br /></p><p>Finding the place that looks like the Greek ruins on the cover of issue 3 was a little more difficult. Death is practically at the entrance. But I had to find the little island from which Fuller and I got the pictures for the third issue of Tabard Inn.</p><p><br /></p><p>The cemetery was fairly deserted that day. I'd only seen one jogger there. But as I got closer to a forgotten corner I saw a coyote wandering around. Coyotes aren't super common around here, but they're not uncommon, either. Although this close to the city is a little weird. I'm more likely to see them across the street from where I live. The Prairie Path is home to more than a few.</p><p><br /></p><p>But this guy looked a little big for a coyote, so I took a curve, and as I saw more of the front of the coyote, I realized, holy shit, it's a fucking WOLF. I don't think I've ever seen a dusty-colored wolf before, but that's what I was seeing in that moment. I stopped the car, and the wolf and I looked at each other for a while. I wondered what it would be like to come across such a creature in the wilderness. Wolves usually only attack in packs, but I felt certain that if I didn't have the protection of society and the car I was sitting in, this thing could tear me to pieces. If it wanted to.</p><p><br /></p><p>It didn't want to. It seemed a little curious about me, but not curious enough to approach. So I waved, and it turned its head a little, and I drove off.</p><p><br /></p><p>I did find the island, but that didn't mean I knew where the ruins were. I just knew I'd be able to find them once I had the island. It's a little island for a few graves, but you cross a bridge to get there. I like standing on bridges over small bodies of water because I can usually see the bottom, which means I can watch the fish. There are a lot of carp in that little creek, and I enjoyed my time watching them.</p><p><br /></p><p>An attractive young woman approached me and asked if I was looking for someone. I smiled and said that I'm just enjoying the view. She said OK and walked away. Only then did I realize she was looking for a blind date. Meeting a blind date on an island in a cemetery? I'd love to hear that story.</p><p><br /></p><p>But I make it a habit of not putting my nose where it doesn't belong. I'd found the island. I didn't need to walk around on it and interrupt her quiet time. I left her leaning on a grave, writing in a notebook.</p><p><br /></p><p>I followed the path around until I found the ruins. They don't look quite like Greek ruins up close, but when seen through the trees from the island? Different story.</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyUc3VSwKU1eTvY6dInFnmrC71X0_ELwbuSdDPU9nvuELI7DDG_5L1xb3EHM4DSOFEkAh36EEVPGbDT0-YuhBlFLUiq2ScfmnfoXWPwwhlo9-45c5yGXcEZUW53QwiDBLzeGkebdN5XkB2Jgq2Xqd-I38XkldkEBjA1_JaRYK8rfYhPpowMG5amTXhpKs/s2992/Greek%20Ruins%20large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2992" data-original-width="2992" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyUc3VSwKU1eTvY6dInFnmrC71X0_ELwbuSdDPU9nvuELI7DDG_5L1xb3EHM4DSOFEkAh36EEVPGbDT0-YuhBlFLUiq2ScfmnfoXWPwwhlo9-45c5yGXcEZUW53QwiDBLzeGkebdN5XkB2Jgq2Xqd-I38XkldkEBjA1_JaRYK8rfYhPpowMG5amTXhpKs/s320/Greek%20Ruins%20large.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>It's still a pretty excessive grave, but then again Graceland is full of those. I got up close to what I thought of as the Greek ruins.</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHqLelhz6FwAabWr_7IC304AMCZ8Z2rBHEbqKYo_7SEnTtKC5kY31lerLYzZNAdik95l8kuLaqOjtF3CzNoyn-wzCeZIO8XWplSxEbze_KezcgcGmo5ghdJ3KtWMnDYzaQ6Qtpx4zTHU7BqMnJ1imajefMxyXj1uRNlXhhUmVVSDB_049PQfogNDgx84w/s2992/Tabard%20Inn%20Greek%20Ruins.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2992" data-original-width="2992" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHqLelhz6FwAabWr_7IC304AMCZ8Z2rBHEbqKYo_7SEnTtKC5kY31lerLYzZNAdik95l8kuLaqOjtF3CzNoyn-wzCeZIO8XWplSxEbze_KezcgcGmo5ghdJ3KtWMnDYzaQ6Qtpx4zTHU7BqMnJ1imajefMxyXj1uRNlXhhUmVVSDB_049PQfogNDgx84w/s320/Tabard%20Inn%20Greek%20Ruins.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>It's a pretty imposing structure. I don't know who the Palmers were, but they must have been either very rich or very important or very both. A lot of local historical figures are buried at Graceland, including Allan Pinkerton.</p><p><br /></p><p>I had the pictures I wanted, so I headed out of the cemetery. Which is kind of difficult because it's big, and you can get turned around easily. If you live in the Chicagoland area, I recommend spending an afternoon at Graceland. It's at the corner of Clark and Irving Park. It's a beautiful place.</p><p><br /></p><p>Watch out for wolves . . .</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-35728891984583408302024-03-07T21:13:00.000-06:002024-03-07T21:13:21.442-06:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #809: THE RETURN, PART 1<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtxORjCtvoSWMRDYFKGGbmydiTT4jK7rhS2eymf39wD8dQD6XVQ2zGJDftwJSuv3N-MC1xyKYAZbvPexC-7UaWa87cDzAPjJze9IuDlB_48jld3vIfEZxBtc2joTl2FuSTfCo0EWAZdyJxDJx64tmYrdshEtOnhki3mGG6nFi6ItUc0KlRlzjLESR7WSA/s2992/Tabard%20Inn%20grave.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2992" data-original-width="2992" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtxORjCtvoSWMRDYFKGGbmydiTT4jK7rhS2eymf39wD8dQD6XVQ2zGJDftwJSuv3N-MC1xyKYAZbvPexC-7UaWa87cDzAPjJze9IuDlB_48jld3vIfEZxBtc2joTl2FuSTfCo0EWAZdyJxDJx64tmYrdshEtOnhki3mGG6nFi6ItUc0KlRlzjLESR7WSA/s320/Tabard%20Inn%20grave.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /> <p></p><p>The last time I was out there was the week before I started working at my new job selling auto glass. But I drove out there last week just out of nostalgia's sake. Since I said I was throwing out all the remaining issues of Tabard Inn, the magazine I used to edit and publish, the locations where we shot the covers have been on my mind.</p><p><br /></p><p>And if you're wondering, David William Fuller did all photo shoots for Tabard Inn *except* the bumper sticker photos. I was going to link to his website, but it's not there anymore. He works mostly as a DJ these days, so if you need a DJ, you can find him on my Facebook friends list. He used to be my neighbor, but the last time I saw him was for my friend, Jesse's, wedding. Which was a great day, from what I remember, which isn't much. I think those days were when the Liquor finally had me in its clutches and wouldn't let go. My drinking was pretty crazy in those days. But I remember Fuller being an excellent DJ.</p><p><br /></p><p>At any rate, I first found the roadside tomb when I worked for the City of Elmhurst as a parts driver. I'm trying to remember where they sent me on this run. I'm pretty sure it was to a place out in Virgil, which is just about where farmland begins around here. There are farms before Virgil, but that's where farmland begins in earnest.</p><p><br /></p><p>To get there you have to go down North Ave. for a long way. I'd never seen a roadside tomb before, and the fact that it was so close to home made it feel even weirder. I knew then that the first issue of my fiction magazine must bear this on its cover.</p><p><br /></p><p>We had a little difficulty in getting out there, and it was at night, so of course in the middle of our photo shoot (without a permit, what do I look like, Mr. Moneybags?) we were stopped by the cops. Fuller's quick thinking got us through. He said we were working on a school project. We're both roughly the same age, but we always looked younger, so they bought it.</p><p><br /></p><p>This time out was the first time I'd see the place clearly in the day (and without police lights flashing, I might add). So I took the picture above. I noticed for the first time that the tomb had a name on it: NORTON. And then I saw this little plaque on the gate:</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSkUVRdXkjdEUCsW-4dHKlttaJp9r0gM6jeJM3YRscdvhKYSDHVinPj95_5lM3_GjjUxQ04YGyB2jGqVljFFeZfLdtQboY7Fsdw-jlDHd-BsHNW5ioFeOlO-ggUCNXY6IO1FW3jJ-Na8Ptz_KCfhaKeWmdRTUjCnCRdvmhhpQJ4bqzFDqfopKXRLLb134/s2992/Tabard%20Inn%20plaque.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2992" data-original-width="2992" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSkUVRdXkjdEUCsW-4dHKlttaJp9r0gM6jeJM3YRscdvhKYSDHVinPj95_5lM3_GjjUxQ04YGyB2jGqVljFFeZfLdtQboY7Fsdw-jlDHd-BsHNW5ioFeOlO-ggUCNXY6IO1FW3jJ-Na8Ptz_KCfhaKeWmdRTUjCnCRdvmhhpQJ4bqzFDqfopKXRLLb134/s320/Tabard%20Inn%20plaque.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p>That's pretty cool.</p><p><br /></p><p>I heard a dog barking relentlessly, but it was across the street at a farm. As I went back to my car, I saw it was called the Norton Farm. There were a bunch of guys working by the barn, and I saw they were looking at me. It made me a bit self-conscious, especially now that I knew that whoever was buried here had living kin so very close by. This tomb is so old I doubt anyone living at the farm knew the deceased, but still. I never met my great-grandparents, for example, and I'd hate to think of some stranger taking pictures of their graves. So I got out of there.</p><p><br /></p><p>Issues two and three had their covers taken at Graceland Cemetery about a hop, skip and jump from the Music Box Theater (and, oddly, an old friend's methadone clinic, where I drove her two days out of every week back in the summer of 2020. I went back there to take a few more photos. You'll see them in part 2 tomorrow night.</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-40817305978478130952024-03-06T21:52:00.000-06:002024-03-06T21:52:45.425-06:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #808: BENSENVILLE '94, MY PART<p> Before we begin today you might want to check <a href="https://tannahillrob4.blogspot.com/2024/02/shaking-hands-with-young-me.html" target="_blank">this </a>out. Rob's been a friend of mine since high school. Right now he's recovering from having a bionic penile implant installed. The old one had a pump that shit the bed. Before he can test it out and stretch the flesh, as it were, I figured I'd put this out there and talk about those days.</p><p><br /></p><p>The reason I met Rob, who was one year ahead of me at York Community High School in Elmhurst, was because we shared the same English teacher, a man named Mark Sibley. I hope he's still alive. He was a cool cat. Former NBA player. He got kicked out because he worshiped at the altar of cocaine. He was one of the weirdest teachers I ever had. He learned early on that I wanted to be an author, and I was writing my ass off. Turned out, he knew another writer in another class. He had us switch stories to give each other feedback.</p><p><br /></p><p>My memory is starting to fail me. I think what happened was, Rob got my story and red penned it, and I got it back. Mr. Sibley never gave me Rob's story. Regardless, we saw each other around school and at McDonald's. The first time he came over was because Rob made friends with my cousin, Erik, first. He was Erik's guest, and I'm pretty sure Matt was there. I know Holsted wasn't there. Holsted never came over to my place.</p><p><br /></p><p>But before long Rob and I hit it off. Fast forward more than 30 years later, and we're still friends. We've had our ups and downs, as all friendships do, but that was the foundation all those years ago. I know we were friends by 1993, but we might have met sometime in 1992, which was the start of my freshman year.</p><p><br /></p><p>"The Dark" truly is atrocious. Even back then we knew it was bad. But that easy chair joke is still going strong. It's all right. Remember a while back when I said I sucked when I started out? He was witness to that, and I know he's reading this right now. One thought is going through his head: "Write It Down."</p><p><br /></p><p>Anthony Havershame. The less said about him, the better. Because this character was actually based on a real person, and I don't know if that person ever found out it was me. He might even be lurking on some of your friends lists. I'm not going to go into the genesis of that series, but I will say that I use a variation of that name as a pseudonym today. If I'm writing gay erotica, then I'm writing it under the name Anthony Haversham. You can find his work in Indulge For Men.</p><p><br /></p><p>Did you see my interview with John Wayne Comunale? He did it for his Patreon subscribers. We were talking about my past as a porn writer. I told him the name of the magazine, but he kept saying Honcho instead. I understood the joke at the time, but since then I've actually seen Honcho in the wild, and it makes me laugh harder now.</p><p><br /></p><p>Anyway, I did stop writing about young Anthony's adventures, but Rob talked me into starting a new series with him as coauthor featuring a similar character but far more deranged. He was cunningly named Richard Thruster. He went on to become a star at our school. A big fish in a small pond. Not bad. But we crossed a lot of lines in that series and even wrote one of our teachers into it. One of Rob's friends decided to leave a copy anonymously on that teacher's desk. They never caught me. Rob might have been a suspect because, well, as a life-long criminal, he's usually suspect #1. But I was the good, quiet kid who never rocked the boat. I was like the Spanish Inquisition. Nobody expected me.</p><p><br /></p><p>Look at me now. Made it, Ma! Top of the world!</p><p><br /></p><p>One more thing before I go. He called me "astute," but also added that I pretend that I'm not. Dammit, man. You can't just tell the world that! I make it a habit of ensuring people underestimate me. How can I do that if they know my game?</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-42253237982243335112024-03-05T20:39:00.001-06:002024-03-05T20:39:29.658-06:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #807: STOLEN<p> Its been unseasonably warm lately, but last week there was one night in particular when the temperature was perfect.</p><p><br /></p><p>It's hard to describe. That night had a certain quality to the air, and it reminded me of when I was young and getting ready to leave home for the evening. There would be adventures, and you really wouldn't know what you'd get up to, just that it was going to be awesome.</p><p><br /></p><p>A chill to the night air. Nothing excessive. Just slight. It's a spring night stolen from winter. You might not even need a jacket. There are friends waiting at a house party or a bar, or we're just chilling somewhere. Whatever it may be, adventure is in the air.</p><p><br /></p><p>But I'm 45 now. Adventure still has its allure, but I just don't have the energy to take it on. I felt sad when I realized that I wasn't going out last week, that I was just going to go home and relax and wait for the next day. Because it feels like a missed opportunity. To be young again, to go on said adventures. When those times end, that's when you know you're getting old.</p><p><br /></p><p>The world has moved on. So have I. O Discordia!</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-47641252898463409262024-03-04T21:12:00.000-06:002024-03-04T21:12:15.851-06:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #806: LACTULOSE<p> The second to last time I was in the ER they refused to give me one of the two things that helps me. There is only one cocktail of drugs that work on me when I'm sick like that, and it's Zofran and morphine. One or the other doesn't work. It has to be both. They didn't want to give me the morphine because they thought it was constipating me.</p><p><br /></p><p>Yes, I know opioids constipate. I of all people should know that. But that didn't constipate me. If he was right, then I would have had to have been on morphine two days before my ER visit, and that's not possible. You need a doctor for morphine administered in a hospital. You can't legally get it otherwise, and if I was going to go score something on the street, it wouldn't be weak sauce like morphine.</p><p><br /></p><p>But once an ER doc gets it in their head, they can't get it out. They're not good at thinking. If there's a way to put a bandaid on a bullet hole, they'll figure out the best way to do that, but to diagnose something a little more complicated than the common cold? They can't find their ass without a map and a flashlight, and even then they might stop and ask for directions.</p><p><br /></p><p>So that's how I wound up with this flask of Lactulose, a super laxative.</p><p><br /></p><p>I got the bottle, and when I got home I tried to open it. It's the kind of top where you push down and turn. Except it wasn't turning. I grabbed one of those rubber things you can use to open stuff, and that didn't work. I thought maybe I was still a little exhausted, so I decided to try again later.</p><p><br /></p><p>When I did, no dice. It suddenly occurred to me that I'm no longer the guy people can go to to open stuff like jars. I used to be so good at opening difficult jars. Is this the new me? Too weak to open a fucking bottle of laxative?</p><p><br /></p><p>I got frustrated and grabbed a knife. I started sawing at the neck of the bottle when I realized I was acting crazy. This was just another of life's indignities that I had to get used to if I intended to stick around long enough to really get old.</p><p><br /></p><p>My brother was at work. My only recourse was to swallow my pride and go back to CVS to get someone there to open it.</p><p><br /></p><p>The drive-thru line was atrocious, as it usually is when I'm in a hurry, but when I finally got to the window, the guy there took a swing at opening the bottle. And missed. I felt a small measure of victory, but not much. While this kid was in his prime, he was still kind of skinny.</p><p><br /></p><p>Finally, after trial and error, he was able to get it open. The problem wasn't me. It turned out that Lactulose is so thick and sticky that it stuck the top on. He cleaned the bottle off and put a new top on, and I was able to easily open this fucking thing.</p><p><br /></p><p>So I have a reprieve, I suppose. But the day will eventually come when I can no longer do something as simple as opening a goddam jar. And that day's not too far off in the future. I'm going to be 46 this year. In less than 20 years I'll be a senior citizen, and God's mercy on you when that happens . . .</p><p><br /></p><p>Oh yeah, Lactulose really works. It's like an atom bomb. I spent the next few days on the toilet, and it almost felt like taking the bowel prep for a colonoscopy. Except it never went clear on me, and I wiped myself raw. So yeah, if you ever need a good explosive laxative, go with Lactulose.</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-57220727417081957422024-02-29T21:02:00.000-06:002024-02-29T21:02:02.813-06:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #805: ACAB PART 5<p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEifZYMT03Jyd7rH0tvpD9yPox6JaLjkRbbDY4KUyB1z4TIIQopo3WcExSQgHw43r-YccZoUowfu_ISlnUUSmrj1X4eXK2Y-AT86vh8SacbBpJfY2P7DqmTyn_oR26kRokqZzL_CCBNRVZXFpOF8iWaqg9XzdWthA1XqORn8KWh9KNcoS2vEiBXOrkBKv-U" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="500" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEifZYMT03Jyd7rH0tvpD9yPox6JaLjkRbbDY4KUyB1z4TIIQopo3WcExSQgHw43r-YccZoUowfu_ISlnUUSmrj1X4eXK2Y-AT86vh8SacbBpJfY2P7DqmTyn_oR26kRokqZzL_CCBNRVZXFpOF8iWaqg9XzdWthA1XqORn8KWh9KNcoS2vEiBXOrkBKv-U" width="160" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Uvalde.</td></tr></tbody></table><br /> So much has been said about Uvalde that I'm not going to go over the points here. For once the police used the fear-for-my-life thing to get *out* of shooting someone. Bottom line: someone was killing children at a school, and the entire police force was too afraid to act. And anyone who had the courage to go in, like the parents? They made sure the parents could *not* get in.<p></p><p><br /></p><p>Those police officers were painfully, objectively bad at their jobs. But we have two cases left to look at. One is pretty fucked up and the other would be comical under other circumstances.</p><p><br /></p><p>Let's take a trip to Vallejo, CA, where badge bending was reported in 2014 and the report had not come to fruition until last year. They have star badges, not shields, although I'm sure they'll make the switch soon. The idea is, if you shoot someone, you bend a corner of your badge. Kind of like WWII pilots painting their planes with the insignia of those they shot down. It was reported to top cops in Vallejo, but guess who did nothing until a whistleblower revealed the practice to the world.</p><p><br /></p><p>You're not gonna fucking believe the straw that broke the camel's back.</p><p><br /></p><p>Willie McCoy looks like a criminal on paper, but when you realize that most of the charges against him in his life were dropped, he looks more and more like a citizen. Also remember: when cops kill someone illegally, the first thing they do when it comes to media is to portray that person as a bad guy. This is what they tried with McCoy. But we have to face facts. The way this turned out? It's fucked.</p><p><br /></p><p>OK, yes, McCoy was initially suspicious in this case. He was probably on something, or maybe he was driving drunk. As someone who has driven drunk, I think that's what happened because he was at a Taco Bell drive-thru when he passed out. Taco Bell called 911 after attempting to get McCoy's attention to no avail.</p><p><br /></p><p>Six cops show up. They draw their weapons before approaching the vehicle. They see he is passed out in the driver's seat, and they claimed he had a gun with the magazine half out. This gun did not show up on body cam footage, but a time honored tradition among cops is to drop a gun at the scene of the crime when it turns out that they fucked up and must cover their asses. I suspect this might be the case here mostly because the one charge against McCoy in his life that was not dropped was a weapons charge.</p><p><br /></p><p>Even if it was McCoy's gun, the magazine was half out. Meaning that he *might* have had one in the chamber. At the very most, if he was alert and conscious, he would only be able to fire one shot, and that's provided he carries one in the chamber.</p><p><br /></p><p>McCoy moves in his sleep, probably to scratch his shoulder. Another story says he jerked awake, and can you imagine the horror of waking up surrounded by cops at a Taco Bell drive-thru? But even so, jerking awake is just that.</p><p><br /></p><p>It scared the police, and one officer said, "Put your hands up!" The police gave him a mere three seconds before opening fire on him.</p><p><br /></p><p>They shot him FIFTY-FIVE FUCKING TIMES. And after they brutally murdered him, they again yelled at him to put his hands up.</p><p><br /></p><p>After, the cops changed their story. They fucked up, and now they have to cover their asses. The gun was now fully loaded with an extended magazine. Funny how magic works. Yeah, no one else bought it, either. The six cops bent their badges, and that was the straw. One of the cops had a badge so bent that it curled up like a dead spider on his chest. They offered to get him a new badge--as he was being promoted--but he refused because he viewed it as a "badge of honor."</p><p><br /></p><p>Now for the final story, and I'm sure you can guess what it is.</p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgTX4qNIuQImAjtpk3vssci1Ja8Xj0JPlxQ1wz2dFM73Vu3Z9ddVn8fO62BAoIgf_6LioU4vov4xZbWHiNRxknB80yP0MQ8JjMtL7UT6bdUYe9kq11cKc2BZHBc-LwPS_sJgia9Wfmdf3HJvYV04urb4mzHB7ptmMTuPymAu-dCvXMe92_Me978-0-DQsI" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="661" data-original-width="716" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgTX4qNIuQImAjtpk3vssci1Ja8Xj0JPlxQ1wz2dFM73Vu3Z9ddVn8fO62BAoIgf_6LioU4vov4xZbWHiNRxknB80yP0MQ8JjMtL7UT6bdUYe9kq11cKc2BZHBc-LwPS_sJgia9Wfmdf3HJvYV04urb4mzHB7ptmMTuPymAu-dCvXMe92_Me978-0-DQsI" width="260" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEge0MoQcd0wgmCUVWXQAqbE5K7kEV1cYKlXk8Y7F9LfAXR7xB4tHEcaa8fz6dOdK171BLpt3WEOmf9wle_OvuKoSCob9iP_Ez3WPcJWtHA3slNTkbvL5Wlxjao1PI0HEXgeBrgg0twtLmCWWyQB7defrZi8KNswf8L_8z-KIUFdKIF1LnB0xL6VCh3WHV8" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="346" data-original-width="422" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEge0MoQcd0wgmCUVWXQAqbE5K7kEV1cYKlXk8Y7F9LfAXR7xB4tHEcaa8fz6dOdK171BLpt3WEOmf9wle_OvuKoSCob9iP_Ez3WPcJWtHA3slNTkbvL5Wlxjao1PI0HEXgeBrgg0twtLmCWWyQB7defrZi8KNswf8L_8z-KIUFdKIF1LnB0xL6VCh3WHV8" width="293" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiJprTx4U4qj4C38SDmNPEKufpGghU8ibfbBG2FMEoV6LbO_nU6nJR1twkcPPinBFQw-jpXGxJhBiKx_ylHComkJCsymGewrUdmZ35TGdUQvWQ6d2UVUsVxY4QPGf8iO2jH0wmBH25HNyHPXC6T7rDeMct0HS2erKh_hO-Y-CLiDFrLFduPmxKDqHB-hpI" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="833" data-original-width="716" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiJprTx4U4qj4C38SDmNPEKufpGghU8ibfbBG2FMEoV6LbO_nU6nJR1twkcPPinBFQw-jpXGxJhBiKx_ylHComkJCsymGewrUdmZ35TGdUQvWQ6d2UVUsVxY4QPGf8iO2jH0wmBH25HNyHPXC6T7rDeMct0HS2erKh_hO-Y-CLiDFrLFduPmxKDqHB-hpI" width="206" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX2Cn57LqAjcFwDFtfKiU4fRefrebSf0OVqIJyolqSJXK4W4IftVobXvJhzz9-iTpAX1eROGFIV7DdoRI5e8TKjCuf_F8k8jm1m7K67bOrIqzVMUXBcUrGa3-uSu4quOBpgo4Bl6vt7f4xNKAsci7prNivvKrNQNHBt0EQSoM2s-fZM1z8EKPqcH7Dp0o/s578/FB_IMG_1708289535243.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="578" data-original-width="515" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX2Cn57LqAjcFwDFtfKiU4fRefrebSf0OVqIJyolqSJXK4W4IftVobXvJhzz9-iTpAX1eROGFIV7DdoRI5e8TKjCuf_F8k8jm1m7K67bOrIqzVMUXBcUrGa3-uSu4quOBpgo4Bl6vt7f4xNKAsci7prNivvKrNQNHBt0EQSoM2s-fZM1z8EKPqcH7Dp0o/s320/FB_IMG_1708289535243.jpg" width="285" /></a></div><br /><p>If you're wondering what the fuck this acorn thing is, here's the story. Three cops were called to investigate an incident where a woman's boyfriend *might* have stolen her car. They found him, cuffed him and put him in the back of a patrol car so they could search the vehicle they found him with. One of them approached the patrol car when an acorn fell on the vehicle.</p><p><br /></p><p>The cop immediately took it for a gunshot. He shouted, "Shots fired!" multiple times, then hit the ground rolling like he was in an action movie, AND HE FIRED INTO THE PATROL VEHICLE. The other cops with him saw this and fired into the patrol vehicle, too.</p><p><br /></p><p>Somehow the suspect didn't get injured, and that is a miracle in and of itself. He did say, though, "I'm damaged for life." They let him go, and the cop that started shooting in the first place had the decency to resign. So that one has a happy ending. But it could have gone a lot fucking worse.</p><p><br /></p><p>The police are objectively bad at their jobs. They should not have them anymore.</p><p><br /></p><p>Just a bunch of bad apples, right? Not enough to get rid of the good apples, too? Remember what I said when we started out?</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE-5MTqd2g9FY-MZWIu935SMKcGH-JQzOheeHJC3zPhXyMknkGLhyphenhyphenELgT_8_JGJoLy8q_uzs-7uNSwTOzwAbMBAqc75K6qKqlr4bEbUK5EnR9xXeSZIRy4woI2ovyLtNHR9yKGp5Vl1tbJsjA_bxTg6I4SCi10QsO7UKUOWoQGct02DfACyzs6FAAA_yE/s960/FB_IMG_1708533461226.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="689" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE-5MTqd2g9FY-MZWIu935SMKcGH-JQzOheeHJC3zPhXyMknkGLhyphenhyphenELgT_8_JGJoLy8q_uzs-7uNSwTOzwAbMBAqc75K6qKqlr4bEbUK5EnR9xXeSZIRy4woI2ovyLtNHR9yKGp5Vl1tbJsjA_bxTg6I4SCi10QsO7UKUOWoQGct02DfACyzs6FAAA_yE/s320/FB_IMG_1708533461226.jpg" width="230" /></a></div><br /><p>So what do we do? First and foremost, if we must keep these psychopaths and cowards on our payroll, then we need a body cam system that works. That means that COPS CAN'T TURN OFF THEIR BODY CAMS. In fact, footage from those body cams should *not* go to the police. It should go to a third party, who releases these videos without being tampered with. There should be so many people working at this third party that it should be impossible to bribe them all.</p><p><br /></p><p>And then the police union must be destroyed. Remember, it's not a real union. It's a tool to keep these cocksuckers patrolling the streets and beating the shit out of whoever they please and putting the screws to children who have no recourse. The union helps police get away with murder. Literally. In addition to this, no more moving bad cops to new departments. No more firings or resignations. These fuckers need to do PRISON TIME. They have broken their social contract to keep us safe, and as such must pay the consequences.</p><p><br /></p><p>But I don't want to keep these dipshits and scumbags around. What's my solution?</p><p><br /></p><p>We're stuck with the cops for a little while, but when we're done training the people to take over for them, we should be in good hands. Police should be highly trained. They supposedly are now, but if they were, would I be writing a five-fucking-part series on the subject? They need to be trained to maintain cool heads. They can't fly off the handle and, say, terrorize neurodivergent children.</p><p><br /></p><p>The replacements should be trained to deescalate, not to be the escalator in the first place. They need an understanding of humanity, not just the distrust of the public that they have now. They need to understand their role is to prevent crime in the least violent way possible. They can use force, but it must be justified. You can't just beat society into a vision of a crime-free America. We will always have crime. That is not debatable. But if we continue using these lunatics as a means of protection, we will eventually reach a day when I'm not just one of the few voices in the wilderness shouting for the abolition of the police. I think on that day everyone will be on my side.</p><p><br /></p><p>We can do better. We *must* do better.</p><p><br /></p><p>All cops are bad. Abolish the police.</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-48673812307323848162024-02-28T23:08:00.001-06:002024-02-28T23:08:43.902-06:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #804: ACAB PART 4<p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhiJySBYSaFTDt2hYSvpPFTbn0B9gotnCHHlcq5k-9ArcqGNjrx92kVN23vdNh_0B67LTxm7RzGjBFUs1vGCjCxT5V-pPwBNARF_V3ZKSjJhkfgaotO4bD4-VALvUcmh9EeTWpgrT7mKiY9bT-bBY2FkWUCBBkBXe9snmxq36p-vPSKaVnWQKE7R62NYCk" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="709" data-original-width="1080" height="210" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhiJySBYSaFTDt2hYSvpPFTbn0B9gotnCHHlcq5k-9ArcqGNjrx92kVN23vdNh_0B67LTxm7RzGjBFUs1vGCjCxT5V-pPwBNARF_V3ZKSjJhkfgaotO4bD4-VALvUcmh9EeTWpgrT7mKiY9bT-bBY2FkWUCBBkBXe9snmxq36p-vPSKaVnWQKE7R62NYCk" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One really big reason for ACAB.</td></tr></tbody></table><br /> <p></p><p>Sorry about last week. The sickness came back for me. I'm holding it at bay for now, and for the first time in years I'm seeing outside-the-box suggestions from doctors, so I'm feeling a bit hopeful.</p><p><br /></p><p>OK, let's get back into the horror show. We're going back to the Jackson, MS, region, to Senatobia. All the articles I read identified the underage child, and I'm not going to do that here. At any rate, he's a 10 year old boy. His mom left him in the car so she could go see her lawyer about something. She shouldn't have done that, not in this day and age, but this did not warrant what the police did.</p><p><br /></p><p>The young boy had to go to the bathroom, but there were no public restrooms in the area. So he did what any boy would do: he took a piss out in the open. Yes, that is illegal, but remember that this is a 10 year old. Because an officer caught him in the act. The cop eventually found his mom, and they had an interaction that seemed pretty reasonable at first.</p><p><br /></p><p>And then backup arrived. Let me state, in no uncertain terms, that this fucking cop called for backup because he was afraid he wouldn't be able to handle a 10 year old caught pissing in public. These cops showed up with the explicit intent of arresting this child. So they did, and they did so while he cried his eyes out. And when they got him to the PD, they put him in a jail cell. A JAIL CELL. MEANT FOR ADULTS.</p><p><br /></p><p>There's some good news. The arresting officer was fired, and the mother is suing for $2M. The police chief had a few things to say, some reasonable, some collar-pullers:</p><p><br /></p><p class="text | article-text" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #212529; font-family: "Segoe UI", Roboto, "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, "Apple Color Emoji", "Segoe UI Emoji", "Segoe UI Symbol", "Noto Color Emoji"; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px;"></p><blockquote><p class="text | article-text" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #212529; font-family: "Segoe UI", Roboto, "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, "Apple Color Emoji", "Segoe UI Emoji", "Segoe UI Symbol", "Noto Color Emoji"; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px;">The police chief issued a statement, saying the officer did not see a parent on the scene during the initial contact with the 10-year-old. The mother was found at a nearby business a short time later and told her son was going to get a youth court referral.</p><p class="text | article-text" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #212529; font-family: "Segoe UI", Roboto, "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, "Apple Color Emoji", "Segoe UI Emoji", "Segoe UI Symbol", "Noto Color Emoji"; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px;">He went on to say taking the boy to the police station was a mistake.</p><p class="text | article-text" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #212529; font-family: "Segoe UI", Roboto, "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, "Apple Color Emoji", "Segoe UI Emoji", "Segoe UI Symbol", "Noto Color Emoji"; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px;">“Under these circumstances, it was an error in judgement for us to transport the child to the police station since the mother was present at that time as a reasonable alternative,” he said.</p></blockquote><p class="text | article-text" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #212529; font-family: "Segoe UI", Roboto, "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, "Apple Color Emoji", "Segoe UI Emoji", "Segoe UI Symbol", "Noto Color Emoji"; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px;"></p><p><br /></p><p>Remember: the police always feel the need to be cruel to children. It gets their dicks hard, remember?</p><p><br /></p><p>Let's head out to the west coast, to the LA Sheriff's Dept. Imagine this: you're trying to take care of your kid, and the father is an abusive asshole who shows up out of the blue to give you shit before beating said shit out of you. You call 911 for help because the police are the good guys, right? They're supposed to come save your life.</p><p><br /></p><p>The deputies show up, and by this point you're holding a knife for your own protection. They take their guns out because they're about to tell their superiors that they were in fear for their lives. Get Out of Jail Free card.</p><p><br /></p><p>And then she's standing next to the abusive guy, still holding the knife. A deputy chooses now to shoot the woman who called 911 for help. He fires several times and will die shortly thereafter. Even the abusive asshole is incredulous. He says, "No! Why did you shoot?!"</p><p><br /></p><p>This is what happened to Niani Finlayson. Shot and killed in front of her 9 year old daughter. The case is still being investigated, so we don't have an ending. Yet. How much you wanna bet these cops skate on a murder charge?</p><p><br /></p><p>I haven't mentioned the FBI yet, and they're not immune to ACAB. At least when they pull their shit, it's usually not to kill an unarmed man, for example. It's with pure greed in their hearts that they pull their greasy shit. In 2021 they raided the US Private Vaults in Beverly Hills. It's a safety deposit box company. They specialized in anonymity, so their business appealed to shady people. But also to people who couldn't get a box at their own bank. Or any number of reasons why someone would legally need a box.</p><p><br /></p><p>The articles I read didn't pinpoint a reason for the raid, so I have no idea what they were supposed to be looking for. They took everything the company had, though. Every. Single. Box. Their prize?</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="color: #444444; font-family: SwiftNeue; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: 0.2px;"></span></p><blockquote>The FBI seized millions of dollars in cash from the deposit boxes, plus a mix of jewelry, personal effects, and documents such as wills and prenuptial agreements.</blockquote><p></p><p><br /></p><p>Good thing they got those dangerous wills and prenuptial agreements off the streets. Who knows how many people they could have killed?</p><p><br /></p><p>This is such a violation of the Fourth Amendment that the judge assigned to the case said, "It was those very abusive powers, after all, that lead to the adoption of the Fourth Amendment." Here's something else he said:</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="color: #444444; font-family: SwiftNeue; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: 0.2px;"></span></p><blockquote>“If there remained any doubt regarding whether the government conducted a ‘criminal search or seizure,’” the 9th Circuit ruled, “that doubt is put to rest by the fact the government has already used some of the information from inside the boxes to obtain additional warrants to further its investigation and begin new ones.”</blockquote><p></p><p><br /></p><p>Holy shit. That's ACAB Shit 101. Illegally seize a bunch of shit while you were looking for just one thing, and then use that other shit to hunt down other people who do business with the bank. That is some greasy shit right there. The Bill of Rights is one of the most important things about this country, and yes, sometimes it can be difficult to uphold those rights, but goddammit, they're there. We have them. WE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO FEAR THE POLICE AND THEIR ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES.</p><p><br /></p><p>OK, we're almost done. I don't usually post on Saturdays, but I don't want to throw my numbers off. I'll do the last part tomorrow. And next week we can go back to talking about goofy shit with the occasional serious column.</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-66522816497125903792024-02-21T22:05:00.000-06:002024-02-21T22:05:14.973-06:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #803: ACAB PART 3<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhNOcuomv3BsltMO6uqPH0Ic4u7R3MAB4mptfD98_d-0KWfsIxp1i3DLyAgM4ySKJefay5LSTs4X3mkU-Fk-G5OPzyo7WIjUieFiMSP9k_UbRXVKhxr0fIZuxP-zZYtkfdqYNC7fyFBMmk8YDUsywL0kE7S95yRszEPCZmoI61x86GFTkb-Oisr5S2Y_Pw" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="556" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhNOcuomv3BsltMO6uqPH0Ic4u7R3MAB4mptfD98_d-0KWfsIxp1i3DLyAgM4ySKJefay5LSTs4X3mkU-Fk-G5OPzyo7WIjUieFiMSP9k_UbRXVKhxr0fIZuxP-zZYtkfdqYNC7fyFBMmk8YDUsywL0kE7S95yRszEPCZmoI61x86GFTkb-Oisr5S2Y_Pw" width="267" /></a></div><br /> <p></p><p>So far in these stories people have been brutalized and traumatized, but they have survived. Let's take a look at someone who wasn't quite so lucky. In fact, all things considered, his luck was just like Verrill luck: always in and always bad.</p><p><br /></p><p>Leonard Cure from Georgia was convicted in 2003 of armed robbery. One problem: he didn't do it. Yet he spent almost 20 years in prison paying for a crime he never committed. That's shit luck right there. Or is it? I searched around and couldn't find a lot of details about that arrest. I'm willing to bet that the arrest was full of bullshit, and that the cops framed him. But I can't say that for sure because I don't have enough info.</p><p><br /></p><p>Regardless, he was set free in 2020. Fast forward to a few months ago and his encounter with a cop named Buck Aldridge. Aldridge pulled Cure over for speeding, and from the get-go Aldridge acted like a dick. He screamed at Cure, saying he was charging Cure with reckless driving. A little different from speeding, but in that area it seems that going faster than 100 mph automatically means you're being reckless. Which is bullshit, by the way. It is easy to drive 100 mph and not be reckless. I've done it many times and will do it again. But in that area of the country the bullshit stands.</p><p><br /></p><p>Imagine doing time for nearly two decades for a crime you didn't commit, being released and having that conviction vacated, and then this asshole pulls you over, and instead of asking the age-old question all cops can't help but ask ("Do you know how fast you were driving?") he screamed in Cure's face about it. Right off the bat. He then demanded that Cure get out of the car.</p><p><br /></p><p>Cure does. He obeys the command to put his hands on the hood. But then comes the command to put his hands behind his back to be handcuffed, and Cure does *not* obey. Would you? Once you're in the system, whether you're guilty or not, YOU ARE IN THE SYSTEM. YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE THAT STRIKE AGAINST YOU UNTIL THE DAY YOU DIE. But in addition to that, doing that much time for committing no crime? That is traumatizing. Would you be so willing to go back in the system? Even if it's for reckless driving (which is really speeding, a offense punishable by a mere fine) instead of, say, armed robbery?</p><p><br /></p><p>Cure doesn't want to go back in the system. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't fight back. He just refuses the command. Aldridge, instead of being reasonable and admitting that he's up to bullshit, shoves a taser in Cure's back.</p><p><br /></p><p>Unlike JD from last night's GF, Cure is an adult. A strong adult. So instead of meekly allowing himself to be brutalized by a cop who just stepped out of the gray zone and into the fuck-you-I-get-to-kill-you-because-I'm-a-cop zone. As Cure fights back and actually manages to grab the cop's throat, Aldridge shoots Cure to death.</p><p><br /></p><p>A lot of people are using the same argument for Cure as for Trayvon Martin. Cure (and Martin) were violent and needed to be killed. If you are attacked, you should be able to defend yourself even if it means killing the attacker. HOWEVER. When you, yourself, are the cause of that violence? Nope. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. In Zimmerman's case, he harassed a kid and harassed him and harassed him until Martin fought back, thus making it socially acceptable to kill him.</p><p><br /></p><p>What do you do when you come upon a beehive in the wild? Personally, I'm inclined to walk away from it swiftly and not bother it in the slightest. Zimmerman (and Aldridge) chose to grab the beehive and shake it up like a snow globe and then kick it around a bit and then had the gall to act surprised when he got stung.</p><p><br /></p><p>If someone fucked with a beehive like that, would you think that he's a good guy? Or would you believe that he deserved to get stung because he's an idiot and a piece of shit?</p><p><br /></p><p>But even former police officer (current criminal justice professor) Thaddeus Johnson said that Aldridge fucked up from the get-go. "He escalated the situation with Mr. Cure. He has no control over his emotions." He said Aldridge deserved to be fired and added, "We have to hold officers to a higher standard even though they are human." I can think of no better summary for this series than that quote.</p><p><br /></p><p>How much you wanna bet that Aldridge was a problem before this incident? Heh. No bet. Good choice. Because when he started out his law "enforcement" career he worked in another Georgia town where he was fired for use of excessive force THREE times. There aren't details about the first two, but for the third he assisted with a traffic stop. He had to keep an eye on a woman in the car. NOT arrest her. Just keep an eye on her once she's out of the vehicle. He picked her up and hurled her to the ground, then handcuffed her so he could, uh, keep an eye on her?</p><p><br /></p><p>Her crime? Letting an unlicensed person drive her car. OH NO! Heaven forbid!</p><p><br /></p><p>When he got fired for that? A few months later he was hired by the sheriff's department who would let him kill Leonard Cure. Because cops are a lot like child raping priests. You get caught raping a child? We'll just move you to another parish where they don't know about your proclivities. You get in trouble for roughing up a woman for letting someone without a drivers license drive her car? We'll get you in with another law enforcement agency.</p><p><br /></p><p>And it's not even Aldridge's first incident with the sheriff! Aldridge chased after someone eluding him, and when the car crashed, he rushed to the vehicle and dragged out the driver so he could beat the shit out of him. As someone who has been in a car crash, I know what it's like to get hit in the face with an airbag. It stunned me, and I could not act within the first minute or so of the accident. If someone dragged me out of the car to beat the shit out of me, I wouldn't even think of fighting back. My brain needed to catch up to my body before I could so much as get out of the car. I imagine the victim felt much the same way.</p><p><br /></p><p>And Aldridge isn't alone with the sheriff's dept. Six of his fellow officers in 2022 were indicted and fired for beating the shit out of people they already had in jail. And one motor incident, which is almost kind of funny if it wasn't so fucked up. Christine Newman is singled out for pulling the motorist over and, when the motorist refused to get out of the vehicle, Newman got her into cuffs and then slapped her and, the cherry on top, slammed the motorist's head into her patrol SUV. Why was she pulled over in the first place? She didn't come to a complete stop at a stop sign.</p><p><br /></p><p>Two months later Newman was declared Deputy of the Month! She was fired a year later for "aggravated assault" and "violating her oath of office." There aren't details about this incident, though.</p><p><br /></p><p>Let's move on from Georgia to Alabama, to a place called Reform (and what a collar-puller of a name!). Micah Washington survived his encounter, but according to his aunt, "[H]e's not the same. You can tell he's not the same."</p><p><br /></p><p>Washington's car was by the side of the road, and he was changing a flat tire. That is the only thing he did to draw police attention to himself. The officer approached, wanting to know what was going on. Washington explained and then asked for help. "Are you here to help us?" You know. The "serve" part of "to serve and to protect."</p><p><br /></p><p>"No, I am not," the officer said. She demanded to see his ID. He complied. She led him to her vehicle, handcuffed him and put him in the back. Safely detained. Washington could not harm anyone if he wanted to.</p><p><br /></p><p>The officer chose that moment--when he was handcuffed and defenseless--to tase him. For good measure, she charged him with a bunch of bullshit like dealing fentanyl (where the fuck did that come from?) and obstruction of governmental operations (whatever the fuck that means) and resisting arrest (even though he complied every step of the way).</p><p><br /></p><p>The officer is on leave right now. There is no word of any investigation into her behavior. Washington and his family are suing. I hope they win.</p><p><br /></p><p>Let's head over to Charlotte, NC, where a couple smoking outside of Bojangles were approached by the police. Before going any further, it should be noted that cannabis is illegal in NC. The cops accused one of them of smoking weed. She denied it, saying it was a cigarette she legally bought at a smoke shop. It's not entirely true, in that it was not a cigarette. But it's not, strictly speaking, weed either. It was later tested and came up positive for THCa. Technically that's not illegal. It's hemp-derived, not cannabis derived. So yes, legal to have.</p><p><br /></p><p>The officers then said they were going to arrest them. The couple wanted to know why, and the cops refused to tell them. </p><p><br /></p><p>It should be noted that the police don't have to tell you why you're being arrested. I don't know how that's fucking legal, but there you go.</p><p><br /></p><p>Understandably they were reluctant to go with the police. Once you're in the system, YOU'RE IN THE SYSTEM FOR LIFE. Even if exonerated. So they resisted, and suddenly a lot of backup officers showed up to pile on. One in particular, Vincent Pistone, kicked the woman's leg 17 times, trying to hit a particularly painful pressure point. Even his superiors said the first three strikes worked. The other 14 were excessive as he continued kicking her while the others worked to handcuff her.</p><p><br /></p><p>She broke the law. She deserves what she gets. Right?</p><p><br /></p><p>Two things. One, it is impossible to go your entire life without breaking the law. Even if it's little shit like speeding or jaywalking or even not returning a library book. That last one is, indeed, a crime in IL. You can be prosecuted for that one. So don't get up on your high horse. I have never met someone who has never committed some kind of crime. Two, SHE DID NOT BREAK THE LAW. If you learn nothing else from this series, please know that even if she did break the law and that was a real cannabis joint, she did not deserve to be kicked in a pressure point 17 fucking times.</p><p><br /></p><p>Thankfully the charges were dropped. Also, I'm sure Pistone was fired, right? Eh, about that. He got suspended for 40 hours (a mini vacation as a reward for violating someone's rights) and had to go through more training. HE SHOULD BE IN FUCKING PRISON. Vicki Foster, the assistant chief of the PD, had a few thoughts about her boys.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="color: #191919; font-family: "Source Sans Pro", sans-serif; font-size: 18px; letter-spacing: 0.1px;"></span></p><blockquote>Vicki Foster added that even in the calmer moments, Pierre and Lee were resisting arrest. She said despite moments where it doesn’t look or sound like they are fighting officers, if a person isn’t answering their questions or doing what an officer asks, that is considered resisting.</blockquote><p></p><p><br /></p><p>And:</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="color: #191919; font-family: "Source Sans Pro", sans-serif; font-size: 18px; letter-spacing: 0.1px;"></span></p><blockquote>“At the end of the day, we always have to remember that if you assault an officer, it doesn’t matter what that is. When there is a smack, a push, you know, whatever that is, you now put yourself in a situation where his use of force his or her use of force is going to be justified,” Foster said.</blockquote><p></p><p><br /></p><p>I'm not saying that use of force is wrong. Sometimes it's called for. But maybe getting kicked in a pressure point 17 times for being merely suspected of smoking weed is a bit harsh, don't you think? And here's the chief of the PD with one final bullshit quote for you: "We're not robots. If there's an expectation that we'll always say and do the right things, then I think that's something that will never happen."</p><p><br /></p><p>It's not often that the police admit to being objectively bad at their jobs, but there you go.</p><p><br /></p><p>OK, one more story for the night. This one goes toward what the cops will do to make sure their arrest numbers look good. And it's not even in the contiguous states! We're heading out to Hawaii for this one.</p><p><br /></p><p>Ammon Fepuleai was visiting Hawaii from American Samoa and was pulled into a DUI checkpoint by the cops. I think I've ranted and raved about how those should be illegal elsewhere, but I'm going to let that go for now because this is TOO FUCKING LONG. Once you get me started on police brutality, I am kind of longwinded.</p><p><br /></p><p>ANYWAY. He was pulled into a DUI checkpoint. One of the cops flat out lied and said that he smelled alcohol. Here's the problem: Fepuleai doesn't drink. Ever. He told the officer this. Remember, the cops are trained to never trust you, and these cops were no different. They ran him through field sobriety tests, and then he blew 0.0 on the breathalyzer. 100% not a drunk driver.</p><p><br /></p><p>Did the cops say alcohol? No, they really meant drugs. You're under arrest for "driving under the influence of an intoxicant."</p><p><br /></p><p>Once they're on the way to the PD the cop turned off his body cam WHICH BAFFLES MY FUCKING MIND BECAUSE POLICE SHOULD *NOT* HAVE THAT ABILITY. I wonder how much money goes into making sure all officers have body cams so we can prove when they're breaking laws AND THEN THEY CAN JUST TURN THEM OFF?!?!?!?!?!</p><p><br /></p><p>This guy turns his off and says to Fepuleai that he's guilty, so he should just save the time and not go through the drug tests. Remember, NEVER TRUST A COP EVER. Fepuleai never learned that lesson, so he agreed to skip the tests and let them say he's guilty. He was able to bail himself out with $500 and was on his way. When he got home to American Samoa he got notification that the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence, and he received his drivers license in the mail. What did he *not* get back? His $500 bail.</p><p><br /></p><p>He says he should have never listened to that asshole. He said, "He shouldn't have given me that advice, and I hope they're not giving other innocent people the same advice."</p><p><br /></p><p>A traffic attorney and former HPD officer named Jonathan Burge says he's heard from many other clients that this is exactly what the police are doing.</p><p><br /></p><p>Sure, it's lo-fi corruption, but it's still corruption. And it's making criminals of innocent people.</p><p><br /></p><p>The police are objectively bad at their jobs, but they are very good at making citizens into criminals on paper. Once you're in the system, you're there for life.</p><p><br /></p><p>To be continued tomorrow night.</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-38877377333694805692024-02-20T22:25:00.001-06:002024-02-20T22:25:59.991-06:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #802: ACAB PART 2<p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhhdDApqAAlbmkual1gSNyi0ALYDbOyEIKd-u71e8pSOeR1h6rTZ7JshA6HA3tY3uuwTHLBHZTkPOjD47ImsqPB2JivnW2ugayBLrPt4iebqaa1G8FM-1MOdqTMkNWX_IB6e30Ne7TwNYCt12_vi0YbT9yvdBpfAYe-pxODfi7AJCCw5745_yxVCATQZbY" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="273" data-original-width="185" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhhdDApqAAlbmkual1gSNyi0ALYDbOyEIKd-u71e8pSOeR1h6rTZ7JshA6HA3tY3uuwTHLBHZTkPOjD47ImsqPB2JivnW2ugayBLrPt4iebqaa1G8FM-1MOdqTMkNWX_IB6e30Ne7TwNYCt12_vi0YbT9yvdBpfAYe-pxODfi7AJCCw5745_yxVCATQZbY" width="163" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All Cops Are Bastards?</td></tr></tbody></table><br /> I fucking hate cop shows with a passion. There are a few exceptions. Usually comedies like Brooklyn Nine-Nine or The Job. But there is a serious cop show that I *do* like: The Shield. I contend that it's the cop show for people who hate cop shows. Who hates cop shows? People who know what the police are actually like instead of the soap opera most people see. The Shield is a great cop show because it shows them for what they really are: predators and criminals.<p></p><p><br /></p><p>Am I exaggerating? Let's turn our attention to Jackson, Mississippi, to a li'l town called Rankin. A bit more than a year ago a resident called the cops because two Black males were seen living in the neighborhood and were acting "suspicious." We know what that means, and I know I said I would leave race out of it, but it's the instigator in this particular case. A white guy calls a white police force, and a group of white cops show up. They're known locally as the "Goon Squad." Doesn't have quite the same ring as Vic Mackey's Strike Team, but it's a contender.</p><p><br /></p><p>How did the Goon Squad know to show up? Their leader, a guy named Middleton, reached out to his team and said they had "a mission." Does that sound like something a professional police officer should be saying?</p><p><br /></p><p>So they kick the door down and find the two guys. What happens next is very important. I can't stress how important. But the two men COMPLIED WITH THE POLICE'S ORDERS. And shortly thereafter THEY WERE HANDCUFFED.</p><p><br /></p><p>Now it's time for verbal abuse. The cops want to know where the drugs are. What drugs? you might be wondering. Good question. That's the first I've heard of it in this story, too. Eh, who cares? It's time for some scare tactics now. One of them fires his weapon out the back of the house and demands to know where the drugs are.</p><p><br /></p><p>There are no drugs.</p><p><br /></p><p>The taunting begins. I'm sure you can guess which word gets thrown around quite a bit here. And now it's time for the threats. They find a sex toy and a BB gun, and they threaten to use them against the two guys. The police make it very clear that rape is definitely on the table, here.</p><p><br /></p><p>And now for the physical torture. They pour milk, booze and syrup all over them, and they force the two guys to drink it until they're bloated. They throw eggs at them until one of them probably realizes that they don't want their vehicles to get dirty. They order them to shower and change clothes. Then the two men are beaten with pieces of wood and a GODDAM SWORD and tased. Remember THEY WERE HANDCUFFED. They OBEYED THE POLICE.</p><p><br /></p><p>And now for the main event. One of the cops grabs one of the guys and makes him kneel before him. The cop then puts his gun in the guy's mouth, probably tormenting him a little before pulling the trigger.</p><p><br /></p><p>The chamber is empty.</p><p><br /></p><p>I can see the cocky grin on that fucker's face as he racks the chamber and does the whole thing again. Except this time, unexpectedly, the gun fires. Don't worry. Our guy lives. It busts up his mouth and jaw, and the bullet exits the back of his neck, but he's all right.</p><p><br /></p><p>The cops realize the deep shit they're in, so now it's time to cover their asses. What would Vic Mackey do? They burn all the evidence they can. They get the hard drive from the home surveillance system and chuck it in the creek. To make sure there were no questions later about why they were there, they plant a gun and some meth and planned on telling the world it was a drug raid. They even try to get their victims to go along with their cover story. They try to convince them that if they stick to that story, they'll be released from jail.</p><p><br /></p><p>Would you believe that line of bullshit?</p><p><br /></p><p>If there's anything I've learned in my life, it's this: DO NOT TRUST COPS. Ever. Even when you think they're telling the truth. ESPECIALLY THEN. Do not trust a cop ever. Even if they threaten you.</p><p><br /></p><p>Keep in mind, these motherfuckers were called the Goon Squad BEFORE this incident. Turns out, they've been doing this shit for years going back to 2004. They were notorious for it. A lot of their raids resemble the one described above (except for that ending). They'd waterboard people. Choke them with lamp cords. Beat people with flashlights. And if you think that last one is silly, you've never held a cop's flashlight before. You could easily kill a guy with one. And they fucking loved their tasers:</p><p><br /></p><p style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #111111; font-family: georgia, garamond, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 20px; margin: 32px 0px; max-width: 100%; overflow-wrap: break-word;"></p><blockquote><p style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #111111; font-family: georgia, garamond, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 20px; margin: 32px 0px; max-width: 100%; overflow-wrap: break-word;">At least 32 times over the past decade, Rankin deputies fired their Tasers more than five times in under an hour, activating them for at least 30 seconds in total — double the recommended limit. Experts in Taser use who reviewed the logs called these incidents highly suspicious.</p><p style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #111111; font-family: georgia, garamond, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 20px; margin: 32px 0px; max-width: 100%; overflow-wrap: break-word;">“This is not typical Taser use,” said Seth Stoughton, faculty director of the Excellence in Policing & Public Safety program at the University of South Carolina. “There’s just no justification for that.”</p></blockquote><p style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #111111; font-family: georgia, garamond, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 20px; margin: 32px 0px; max-width: 100%; overflow-wrap: break-word;"></p><p>This story has a . . . I'd hesitate to say a happy ending. After all that violence? Who could possibly be happy? They got at least some form of punishment, which I can't say for a lot of cops. If they didn't resign, they were fired. All of them. Personally, I'd be a lot happier if they did some time. The victims are suing them, and I can only hope they take the Goon Squad to the cleaners.</p><p><br /></p><p>Just a few bad apples, eh? It's . . . odd that so many of them just came together in the same spot. It's almost as if . . . hear me out . . . they're all rotten to the core?</p><p><br /></p><p>When you're supposed to stop crime, but instead you *commit* crime, that makes you objectively bad at your job. But let's switch gears a little and tell you about a neurodivergent eight year old in Wyoming. He's called JD because he's a minor, but remember what I said about cops and their need to be cruel to kids?</p><p><br /></p><p>This one seems to still be under investigation, so I'm just going to say this is the alleged story.</p><p><br /></p><p>JD eats his lunch every day in the principal's office as part of his specialized education plan. That day he'd been a bit rambunctious, and the principal and teacher were talking to him about maybe apologizing to the cashier in the lunchroom. The school resource officer was there and knew about the kid's disorders, which meant he also knew that deescalation is what JD needs when in trouble. This officer was trained in this, allegedly.</p><p><br /></p><p>JD got up to leave, just like he did every day, but for some inexplicable reason this officer grabbed JD by the arm--against the administrative code in WY--and pinned the kid to the floor, slamming his face repeatedly into the tiles. No one knows why this happened. The principal and other staff did not request any help with anything. This fucking guy just flew off the handle for no reason and beat the shit out of a defenseless eight year old. An adult man put his entire weight on a 68 pound child. JD couldn't breathe.</p><p><br /></p><p>Who else couldn't breathe?</p><p><br /></p><p>JD begs to surrender, but the officer's response is batshit crazy: "No, it's all me! Do you understand me?! I should be taking you to jail!"</p><p><br /></p><p>The principal called JD's dad to come pick him up, and when he got there he demanded to know why the officer laid hands on his boy. The officer said, "Because, as a law enforcement officer, that's my primary function."</p><p><br /></p><p>Oh? Really? I thought it was to serve and to protect. Apparently the primary function of a police officer is to beat the shit out of neurodivergent kids. Got it.</p><p><br /></p><p>Am I exaggerating? Was this officer acting within the bounds of the law? Then why did he erase the worst parts of his body cam footage? (And we'll talk about body cams again, probably in part 5.) Why did he violate JD"s private personal records at the school and use excerpts in his official report? Because he knew he was in deep shit, and now he was covering his ass. Just like the Goon Squad.</p><p><br /></p><p>This officer was not punished. The department condoned his actions, calling them "appropriate and justified." He's being sued, and the results are not yet in. I hope he gets taken to the cleaners, too.</p><p><br /></p><p>I don't know about you, but I've had my fill of horror stories for tonight. To be continued tomorrow.</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-29922435780666128242024-02-19T23:01:00.000-06:002024-02-19T23:01:24.436-06:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #801: ACAB PART 1<p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh7OuVtBcakc_d517DNW-FiAntiSE_p1fOh2rrwmYmK8ITWrVLBfLHFWHELiHTdlWUBVA4Qk1bR-CpnW_JYg-dsg8wU-R-BfwneWhScyjMppZdqlZGSnDfezhTMILZSq0iFXEtckOqA_5HnpbRnK1qXA7oNU_yUvJhDSnaNFglkvwKUv4FWTHpha_CIxbs" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="899" data-original-width="898" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh7OuVtBcakc_d517DNW-FiAntiSE_p1fOh2rrwmYmK8ITWrVLBfLHFWHELiHTdlWUBVA4Qk1bR-CpnW_JYg-dsg8wU-R-BfwneWhScyjMppZdqlZGSnDfezhTMILZSq0iFXEtckOqA_5HnpbRnK1qXA7oNU_yUvJhDSnaNFglkvwKUv4FWTHpha_CIxbs" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">ACAB applies to McGruff, too. Sorry bud.</td></tr></tbody></table><br /> In case you don't know, ACAB stands for All Cops Are Bad. And yes, I'm going to spend five nights this week explaining why I think this. Because I don't think Defund the Police goes far enough. No, if it were up to me the slogan would be Abolish the Police.</p><p><br /></p><p>But! But! But! But what about . . . ? Relax. Take it easy. I'll address your points.</p><p><br /></p><p>Let's start with my own experience. When I was a kid I was like everyone else. I believed the police were the good guys, the only people who could protect us from the bad guys. But as I grew older I lost faith in that incrementally. A huge blow came over the Rodney King beating. My faith in the police dropped drastically that day. But it kept dropping and dropping until I just can't find it in my heart to say there are any good cops. There are plenty who think they're good, plenty who others would say are good, but they're bad. The fucking lot of them.</p><p><br /></p><p>I've been arrested once. I did a whole diary about it on this blog and other places (RIP MySpace), so I won't go into details. I spent most of the night in jail in Lisle until my grandparents got me out. Being in jail is not fun. I can't imagine what prison is like.</p><p><br /></p><p>But that's not my only run-in with people who claim to uphold the law. I've been detained and harassed many times. One time I got a written warning from a cop who pulled me over for NOT speeding. Let me repeat that. I was NOT speeding, and that was why he pulled me over. (I would have been speeding, but I saw him, so I kept the needle between the speed limit and the grace period.) I got ticketed once for going through a stop sign when I came to a full stop at said stop sign. Hard enough that I felt myself jerk. They pulled me over because I was young and had my radio loud. Because that's what cops do when they have teenagers in their clutches. They *need* to be cruel, and what's anyone going to do about it? Are the kids going to tell their parents? Hey Mom, I got in trouble for tobacco possession, but this cop treated me like a dick, and I think my rights were violated. And where is that teenager going to get the money to hire a lawyer to sue?</p><p><br /></p><p>In Elmhurst, my hometown, the cops' favorite pastime is fucking with underage kids. They thrive on it. Gets their dicks hard. And I know it for a fact. I wasn't always on the receiving end of the police. As a parts driver for the city, I drove them around often, and they liked to talk.</p><p><br /></p><p>I feel certain that I've written about the time I was almost arrested for attempted murder with two of my friends. For jack fucking shit. We were young, we were loud. A warning would have sufficed. But no, they decided to make our lives miserable simply because we were young. I was 18, my friends were 19. There was alcohol in the apartment, but thankfully the lease had my friend's dad's name on it, so it wasn't our booze, officer. I remember the vehemence the cops had for us when we said we weren't drinking. And we weren't. I hadn't yet had my first drink as an adult. But they threatened and cajoled us because we were young, and they felt it was their right.</p><p><br /></p><p>One of us unfortunately had a warrant out for his arrest, so their bullshit bore fruit. That's why they fuck with so many people. They're looking for that goddam fruit, and they want to skip finding an actual reasonable cause.</p><p><br /></p><p>But these are minor grievances compared to what the cops do to other people. I'm going to tell you about some of those people over the course of this week. You'll be horrified by the crimes these motherfuckers commit. CRIMES. Lest ye forget, the police are supposed to STOP crime.</p><p><br /></p><p>I can hear you asking, "Aren't you a pro-union guy?" <a href="https://pluralistic.net/2020/07/28/afterland/#selective-solidarity" target="_blank">This </a>article should answer all of your "police union" questions. Long story short, it's not a real union. It's a tool cops use to help their members get away with committing crimes up to and including murder. Because those people you *think* are good cops? They're in that "union," too. All they have to do is speak up, and the bad cops will get punished. But they don't because there's safety in numbers. The good cops keep their mouths shut because they're all brothers. In my opinion they are, to quote Jerry Cantrell, "Leaning more toward Cain than Abel."</p><p><br /></p><p>And the author is right. Police officer isn't even in the top 10 most dangerous jobs. It comes in at #22. You know what's higher up on the list? At #12 we have crossing guards. And let's not forget that they like to talk themselves up to match with the military. They even call us civilians or citizens, like they're not civilians themselves. Even the guys with military backgrounds are now civilians. But hey, it's a dangerous job. We need military grade weapons in case some guy--er, civilian hurts my feelings. I don't want to just "accidentally" shoot him. I wanna blow him away with a rocket launcher while I stand there looking pretty in my stormtrooper armor.</p><p><br /></p><p>"Just trust the police, and everything will work out in the end." Eh, no. These fuckers are trained to distrust us. Why should we trust them? And it doesn't matter if they get the guilty party. As long as they have someone for the crime, they're satisfied.</p><p><br /></p><p>So I'll present some horrific stories of police brutality. I'm going to leave race out of it because I don't want that to confuse the issue. We all know that white people are less likely to be killed by a police officer during a stop. By far. I feel certain I could wave a gun at a cop at a traffic stop, and he'd just try to calm me down. This is a fact of life. Even racists, in their heart of hearts, have to admit that this is a fact. Hell, they're helping make it a fact. Ever hear of ghost skins? They're KKK or neo-Nazis or "white nationalists" (but we all know what that means) who don't have any tattoos, and they're not loud. They're sneaky about their views and can pass easily for non-racists. But their goal is to infiltrate police forces in the name of protecting their white brothers and punishing anyone they don't like with anything from a beating to flat out murder. This is a real thing. It's the subject of an FBI investigation.</p><p><br /></p><p>But I want to cut through to the heart of the matter, which is this: THE POLICE ARE OBJECTIVELY BAD AT THEIR JOBS. In some states, all they have to say is the phrase, "I thought my life was in danger," and that's practically a Get Out of Jail Free card. They're people who claim to be the best of the best, but when the chips are down, they prove themselves to be cowards who, in "fear for their lives," decide to just fucking kill another person rather than deescalate the situation, which is what they're supposed to do.</p><p><br /></p><p>"But they deal with people shooting at them all the time." No, not all the time. You're thinking of 'Eighties action movies. But how often do they shoot someone they "thought" had a gun? Which is code for "shoot first, make up lies later." Are you OK with having triggerhappy cowards patrolling your streets? Where your kids walk to school? They're supposed to have cooler heads. They're supposed to be trained for that. But . . . well . . .</p><p><br /></p><p>You'll hear some stories. Starting tomorrow. And don't ask what my solution is. That's what part 5 is for.</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3854059877164798678.post-45712509264760465322024-02-16T22:02:00.000-06:002024-02-16T22:02:17.839-06:00GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #800: THERE'S YER PROBLEM RIGHT THERE, VERN!<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjwrm2PXVgcTVZ8HiesdyIEN88Ft3PjDMKMMjm7jJ9BsYtjnN6kniKkULJZlznLNIHXYH4w56GK91kGdgqVAFGY5iwA9VWBkI4eSsooUHU7CNJyFSEvzD5q-N7CCq6bPlOJy3QH1iYP1LwM5DaxOJzd6qgSC2oLaQhlrNHKgzv82oknw3Mh5-Su-1dU2Tg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="270" data-original-width="480" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjwrm2PXVgcTVZ8HiesdyIEN88Ft3PjDMKMMjm7jJ9BsYtjnN6kniKkULJZlznLNIHXYH4w56GK91kGdgqVAFGY5iwA9VWBkI4eSsooUHU7CNJyFSEvzD5q-N7CCq6bPlOJy3QH1iYP1LwM5DaxOJzd6qgSC2oLaQhlrNHKgzv82oknw3Mh5-Su-1dU2Tg" width="320" /></a></div><br /> <p></p><p>I think I have it figured out now. I know why there are so many angry fucking people in the world right now, and it's not because of social media, although it hasn't made matters better. It has made matters worse. Kind of like a gun. Use a gun to kill, say, John Wayne Gacy, and you're a hero. Use a gun to shoot up a school, and suddenly you're the reason for politicians muttering soulfully about thoughts and prayers. Social media is a mirror. It reflects yourself back. Not the you you think you are. The you you actually are.</p><p><br /></p><p>So many people build themselves up to be something. They say they're this, that or some such until they're blue in the face. They'll talk themselves up. I'm a loyal guy, but fuck with me and you're dead. That kind of thing. And social media will help you spread that image. I have the perfect family. Look at my adorable children! Except when the camera's not taking pictures, the li'l brats are tearing wings off of flies, or they're beating the mortal shit out of each other.</p><p><br /></p><p>Lying isn't the problem. At least, lying to others isn't the problem. Lying to yourself is the problem. Because we now have social media, we have surefire ways of revealing one's self-deceptions. Because you are not defined by the things you say, no matter how much you wish that were true. It's your actions that define who you are.</p><p><br /></p><p>And because of social media people are discovering, holy shit, maybe I'm not the person I think I am? And it's pissing them off.</p><p><br /></p><p>More often than not? The person who has just had this revelation is going to take it out on everyone else and save the self-loathing for later when no one else is around. And that's why people are so angry. If those people had critical thinking skills, and if they applied those to themselves, we wouldn't have so much rage going around. But that requires taking a good look inside of oneself. How many people are willing to do that? Are you?</p><p><br /></p><p>No matter how crazy and extroverted I can be (especially if I have some booze in me), I have always been an introvert. I constantly examine who I am and who I think I am and hope that they line up. A few times they don't, and I have to reevaluate. People don't want to do that kind of work, though. Why constructively criticize oneself when it's a lot easier to get mad at someone else? Why must I change? Why can't I bludgeon the world into doing what I want it to do?</p><p><br /></p><p>You know who would benefit from self-evaluation? Everyone in the Fuck You Caucus. You know who I mean. The dipshits and fuckfaces who keep holding up legislation in this country. If they took a real good look at themselves, and I mean objectively and in earnest, I think they would be surprised to discover that they don't actually give a shit about freedom unless it's their own. When you talk about things like freedom, you can't have qualifying rules about that freedom. You can't abridge it for anyone, you can't prohibit it from anyone. Freedom is for everyone, not just a bunch of whiny assholes who keep poking their noses into your business, but GOD FUCKING FORBID THAT ANYONE ELSE LOOKS INTO THEIR BUSINESS,. That's Deep State harassment, buddy.</p><p><br /></p><p>They have the fucking gall to call themselves the Freedom Caucus when they work ceaselessly to take freedoms away from people? Just fucking once in this goddam miserable shitbowl of a fucking Congress that one of these pricks would think to look inward, to question themselves, to wonder if they are really doing good work or if they're harming people. Just fucking once.</p><p><br /></p><p>Maybe they do. I imagine if one of them did, they'd probably keep it to themselves. They crow constantly about their own morality, but they don't strike me as very moral people. They strike me as people who would break something at a friend's house and then pretend they were nowhere near it, that it must have been the wind or the dog or something.</p><p><br /></p><p>So maybe they do look inward. Maybe they recognize their own moral ineptitude. But they're politicians, and they have a base to pander to. If they admitted they were wrong and tried to fix it, their own party would vote them out of their plum House positions, and in the world of politics, that is just UNTHINKABLE. Getting reelected is more important than being good, or at least trying not to be evil. I'll take trying any day over someone who just doesn't give a shit about their own dark side.</p><p><br /></p><p>Or! Maybe they called themselves the Freedom Caucus in much the same way as a deer conservationist might call themselves deer hunters? The age old question. Is Demon Knight about a demon who is a knight, or a knight who hunts demons? Is it Billy Zane or William Sadler?</p><p><br /></p><p>Fuck it. Quit being Vern for a while. Try to be Ernest.</p><p><br /></p><p>Holy shit, 800 columns. And if I don't take anymore than four weeks off from this, I might even make it to 1000 by the end of the year. Heh. Who am I kidding? It'll probably be in 2025, but who knows?</p><p><br /></p><p>Also, do you know what the P in Ernest P. Worrell stands for? I didn't know until about five minutes ago that it stands for Powertools. Weird, huh?</p>John Brunihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08024224090821626303noreply@blogger.com0