AN ABSOLUTE STEAL: A whiskey review

[Sorry for the hack title.  It was irresistable.]


It’s always good to see a new whiskey on the shelves of the trusty liquor store, especially when it has a high proof. Larceny, even though it sports the date of 1870, is fairly new to the game in its current incarnation, and it boasts of a glorious 46% ALC/VOL. That’s right, 92 proof. Beautiful.



Here’s the best part: they have an introductory offer right now, by means of a rebate. If you buy a fifth, you get ten dollars back. Since it usually goes for $24, that’s not bad. If you get a handle, you get $20. How can you lose by giving it a chance?


Larceny’s brilliance doesn’t end with its marketing strategy. Check out the story on the label: “John E. Fitzgerald’s weakness was fine Bourbon, and he faced temptation every day. As a treasury agent with the only set of keys to the rickhouses, taking from barrels was easy. But, he didn’t just take from any barrels, he took from the best barrels. Some say he was a thief. Others claim he was a man of great taste. This is the legend of Larceny. Unlock the smoothness and decide for yourself.” Hot damn! They really put their money where their mouth is. Their drug-dealer mentality—the first taste is free, you gotta’ pay for the rest—is staggering in its genius.


But all the marketing in the world can’t cover up bad quality. So . . . how does it hold up? Real smooth. It’s good sippin’ whiskey. Then, just when you thought it was down, it breathes fire back up your esophagus, igniting the back of your throat with boozy goodness. There’s only one cure for something like that: DRINK MORE!


But be forewarned: it doesn’t just sneak up on you; it bashes you over the head upon first meeting you. You will feel its wrath immediately. This is dangerous stuff. Keep your wits about you, and you might survive to tell the tale of this grand new potion of alcoholic bliss.