GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #116: I AM FUCKING LIVID

I had to recently replace my printer. I don't use it often, since most publications accept manuscripts via email, but I still do use it for those rare few that don't, and for personal correspondence when someone doesn't have email. I found myself in the latter position tonight, and despite the fact that I just installed a new black ink cartridge, it wouldn't fucking print. Why? Because this printer, the Officejet 6600 by HP, won't print in black and white if the color cartridges aren't reasonably full.


I don't print in color. I never print in color. I have no reason to print in color. But apparently, I can't print in BLACK AND FUCKING WHITE if I don't have full COLOR INK CARTRIDGES. This makes ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING COCKSUCKING MOTHERFONDLING SENSE.


If I had known about this stupid fucking thing, I would have never bought the HP Officejet 6600. But never mind that. I want you to get your mind around the fact that I WANT TO PRINT IN BLACK AND WHITE. I HAVE A FULL BLACK INK CARTRIDGE. I CAN'T PRINT IN BLACK AND WHITE BECAUSE THE MOTHRASUCKING COLOR CARTRIDGES AREN'T FULL ENOUGH. I can understand if I was trying to print my letter in blue. Or green. Or red. Or any combination of the primary colors. BUT I ONLY WANT TO PRINT IN BLACK AND WHITE, WHICH I HAVE A FULL ROCKFUCKING CARTRIDGE FOR.


My old printer never had color ink in it. Because I didn't fucking need it. Instead, I always had a full black ink cartridge. And it never failed me if I didn't have color ink in my printer. (My old printer was an HP printer, so apparently, HP decided to deliberately fuck up their own services.)


I called HP and tried to find out why this baffling fucking thing can possibly be true. I don't want to burn the guy I talked to. I know that he's just a representative of something that doesn't work like it should. I get enough of that at work, myself. He was cool. But HP? Because they made something completely nonsensical a reality, I have nothing but bile for them. This guy had no explanation for me. Just like I have no explanation for the customers at my job who ask me why something doesn't fucking work.


Is it too much trouble to ask our corporations to get things to work like they should?


Sorry, I'm stupid for asking that. I forgot that corporations don't serve us. They serve their own bottom line, and that has nothing to do with me. Or us. Or anything, really. It's days like this that I want to retreat into the wilderness and wait for the rest of this planet to burn to the ground.


I really can't go to bed like this. I have painkillers from my oral surgery yesterday, but they won't help. I have alcohol, but it will only amplify my mood and make matters worse. I need something to soothe the hatred I feel right now.


Porn is the only answer. Maybe it's not time for sleep, after all. OK, I'll watch some porn. And then I'll go to sleep. Just pretend that I'm telling you goodnight, fuckers. Until next time . . .