GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #133: AN OPEN APOLOGY (A WRITER'S LAMENT)

I've never found myself in a position where I needed to offer an official apology before. Do you all know Nicole Evans? She co-wrote "Suicidal Tendencies" with me for THE MONSTERS NEXT DOOR, which also appeared in TALES OF QUESTIONABLE TASTE. I wrote something in the story notes for TOQT, and I swear to you, I thought she'd read what I said and was cool with it.


I was wrong. She'd read it and was so pissed off that something happened that I probably shouldn't talk about. I have before, but she made it clear to me recently that she wishes I wouldn't talk about it.


When she brought it up to me, I didn't understand the problem. It took me a while to figure out what I'd done wrong, but I assure you, I didn't mean for that to happen. What I wrote was flippant and dismissive, but I didn't think so at at the time I wrote it, but looking back? I understand her problem with it. In my defense, it really *was* a long story, and I didn't want to take up so much time with the issue. I never meant what I said to hurt her, especially since it hurt her so badly it turned out . . . I can't say it. Not because I'm not an open book, but because she doesn't want me to say it in public.


I never realized the power of my words until this very moment. I thought I was entertaining people, and for the most part, I'm right, but there's the 1% chance of something else happening.


This is so awkward. I want to say so much more, but to do so would incur her wrath. I love her too much to do that to her. I wish she were more open to this, but I'm an animal. I don't care what I talk about online. I mean, I talked about the time I almost hanged myself on an elementary school playground because of some foolishness I saw in a movie once. That's pretty fucked up, no?


I told her about "The Knot That Binds," which appeared in STRANGE FUCKING STORIES. There was a character in that story based on her. I was pissed at her when I wrote it, but I still stand by it as an accurate representation, at least from my perspective. My portrayal of her was pretty bad.


But the conjoined twins in that story? They portrayed me, and I think writing about them was worse.


Those of us who are writers usually base our characters off of people we know. But sometimes, those people read about the literary versions of themselves. Things get awkward. Things get fucked.


I can't believe I've reached this point in my career. I would never take back something I wrote about someone else under fictional pretenses, but at the same time, I don't want to hurt my loved ones' feelings. So I apologize.