HEY FUCKERS #1: I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A TV PITCHMAN

Hey, I have some great ideas for TV shows. If only I could score a sit-down with some TV execs. My specialty is game shows. I love coming up with concepts, and I think I could be the new Chuck Barris, but without the whole I-was-an-assassin-for-America thing.


Here's an idea I'm certain could get some airtime on Fox: WHEEL OF STDs! OK, here's how it goes. We get three contestants, and they choose a needle at random. Each needle contains one sexually transmitted disease. Just for poops and laughs, we'll throw in a corker of a cocktail: AIDS, syphilis, herpes and the clap for one unlucky contestant.


Then, we get them all to spin the wheel. We'll have maybe fifty needles on it. Most of them contain sugar water, but we'll have at least one needle with the cure for a particular STD at uneven intervals around the wheel. (Bad luck for you if you get the AIDS needle at the start of the game.) We continue the game until we have one living contestant remaining. The winner gets a $100 gift certificate for Olive Garden.


I don't know who we should get as the host, but I think it would be pretty cool if we just get a homeless dude to do it for drug money. It'll keep the overhead down. Maybe later on, when we get a bit more traction and a better time slot, we can get someone like Regis to step in. We'll need a sponsor. I'm pretty sure Valtrex would do it, at least until we can get Budweiser or Ford to take an interest. What do you think?


Where are you going?