HEY FUCKERS #17: TALKING SHIT

I just came up with another useless show idea that would never happen because no one would ever want to do it. Except for me, obviously.


Envision this: an interview show. I'm the host, and I interview A-list celebrities, but it's not conducted in a studio. Nope. The interviews will be shot in the bathroom. I'm in one stall, and, say, Channing Tatum is in the next one. I ask the tough questions, and he gives the tough answers while we grunt our way through our respective defecations. I'll call it TALKING SHIT, and it will be the new TONIGHT SHOW.


I can see it now: upon completion of the interview, we'll wash our hands and do the wrap up. I'll point to the camera and say, "23 JUMP STREET is in theaters now. Channing Tatum, everyone." And I'll shake his hand, and the cheers from the other stalls will begin. Hey, the studio audience has to take a shit with us. Thems the rules.


My sidekick? I'm pretty sure Curtis Armstrong would be down, but he only gets the job if he performs as Booger.


The band? I don't think Dr. Dirty would have a problem with taking a shit while playing the piano.


The announcer? I don't know. What about that dude from Double Dare? What's Harvey up to these days? OK, him. I'll take him.


I'm pretty sure Fox would love this idea. They'll greenlight anything.


*sigh* I can dream.