GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #1116: LEAD AND THE ROMAN EMPIRE

 Lead used to be everywhere, from the pipes that brought us water to the paint that covered our walls to the gasoline that powered our vehicles. That's insane, considering how long we knew lead was absolutely bad for you. It doesn't speak well of the human race that it took us thousands of years to get rid of lead. I was born the year lead paint was outlawed in America, and it wasn't until I was in college that they banned it in gas. (If you've ever wondered why gas stations make a big deal out of their product being "unleaded.")

There's a theory that lead poisoning contributed to the fall of the Roman Empire. If you read enough articles about it, you'll notice there's always some expert bitching about how no, lead poisoning didn't cause the fall of the Roman Empire, clearly missing the words "contributed to." It sounds like an expert pushing his glasses up his nose and saying, "Well, actually . . ." I'm not sure why they have that kneejerk reaction.

But the facts remain: Ancient Romans used a lot of lead. Not only was it in the pipes that brought them water, but it was also in the cups they made to drink it from. You probably learned that in high school, but it's more than that.

Apparently when you make silver coins, which the Romans did often, a byproduct was lead, and they were pumping between 3,300 and 4,600 tons of it into the air every year of the Pax Romana alone. That kind of thing causes people to be born differently, and that's why some people say it caused the fall of the empire. It was around that time that people started noticing that lead made people act strange.

Which makes me wonder, what the fuck is in our atmosphere? What are we eating and drinking that we shouldn't? What chemicals are our corporate overlords allowed to put in our food under the guise of extending shelf life? While we are currently experiencing many of the other reasons the Roman Empire fell, what are we missing? What's our version of lead? Is it simply the brain rot our owners casually inflict upon us, or is it something we're completely ignorant about? They didn't use lead on purpose, after all.

I guess the question I'm trying to ask is, what's our excuse?

No. Don't come at me with fluoride. RFK, Jr., has no fucking clue what he's talking about with anything, so there's a zero chance he's right about this. It's gotta be something else.