THE DAY I WAS BANNED FROM SIX FLAGS

When people ask me why I did it, I tell them that aliens from the planet Fellatio put a chip in my dickhole.  Every time I felt a jolt in my urethra, I would get the desire to piss on anyone wearing a Looney Tunes t-shirt, especially if it's got Bugs Bunny on it.

Kids don't like me much, but high school girls who think it's cute to wear kids stuff really hate me.

I don't know what made me go to Six Flags that fateful Saturday afternoon--maybe it was the metal plate the army of African-Asian Elvis Presleys installed into my left ass cheek--but I realized my mistake when I saw the children, all loyally wearing shirts with their favorite Looney Tunes characters on them.  If I felt the jolt, I'd be caught for sure.  Parents lurked everywhere, waiting for their opportunity to catch me.  But I was smarter than that.

I tried to escape, but the Cracker Jack knick knack Abraham Lincoln had surgically implanted into my nose gave me a painful case of gas every time I came close to an exit.

Then, as I approached the cotton candy stand, I felt the jolt in my cock.  Looking around desperately, I had no idea as to who I should piss on, there were so many Looney Tunes shirts.  Finally, the solution appeared as I saw the Rabbit God himself, Bugs Bunny, shaking hands with Sam Kinison for a photograph.  Why settle for a mere image of Mr. Bunny when I had his grim visage in front of me . . . in person?

I rushed over, fumbling with my zipper as I went.  Dick in hand, I stopped a respectful distance from my target and let loose with everything I had.  A 7-11 Double Gulp and a Supersized Coke from McDonald's came streaming out of me, and I doused Bugs with every drop, from the tips of his ears to the toes of his feet.  Sam Kinison pointed at me and laughed like David Lynch at a Cronenberg film festival.

Before I knew it, security had grabbed me (not without violence, I might add) and literally kicked me out--right on the metal plate in my butt--and told me that if I ever came back, they'd put the leeches on me.

But what do I care?  I'm more of a Disney guy myself.