Internet sensation and author Tucker Max has been called many things by both his fans and his detractors. Sometimes, they even say the same things, and many of these are true. Whether he is hero or douchebag doesn’t matter, because at his heart, he is truly an American original. Sure, his influences are clear (imagine if Hunter S. Thompson and Chuck Palahniuk had a baby, and you’ll get the idea), but his approach is so original that he is commonly considered to be the originator of the fratire genre.
Are his stories about drunken debauchery, wild fucking, and degrading fat chicks and other social cripples? On the surface, you bet. But dig a little deeper, and you’ll see he’s saying something more. This is the face of America, kiddies, and most of the people who live here aren’t worth the flesh they’re printed on (to borrow a phrase from DEMON KNIGHT).
Examine his targets. Do you notice something they all have in common? They don’t fight back. By slinging his insults at them, Max is engaging them in a battle of wits that almost no one accepts. Those who do, Max finds infinitely more interesting. He writes more about them, and on occasion (not often), he loses the battle of wits, which he isn’t afraid to write about.
People who don’t defend themselves, or just resort to name-calling (which 99.99999% of the time is lame), aren’t creative and are in all likelihood suckfishes on the belly of the American Dream. As for the stereotype of the slut, which Max perpetuates ad nauseum, in the case of almost every woman he writes about, it’s true. Let’s face it, who the hell would sleep with a total stranger? Or, as is the case later in the book, with a celebrity? Daddy issues, low self-esteem, no self worth, whatever the explanation, if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it probably is a duck.
Did you notice the key phrase above? “Almost every woman he writes about.” That’s the one. He is not a woman hater, as most of his critics claim. For proof, see his stories about a woman he calls HotNurse. And, to a lesser extent, Jess from “The Tattoo Stories.” Nothing is axiomatic here.
But what about the boozing and philandering? This is the best part, you see. In America, as in most societies, we have laws and etiquette designed to keep people in line (and to fill the coffers of various law enforcement agencies). But are they really for the best? Remember, slavery used to be government sanctioned. Years ago, sodomy was a crime punishable by prison. And etiquette used to demand that you challenge people who insult you or your family to duels which usually led to fatalities. Who is to say what laws and social norms will still be around, say, five or ten years from now?
This ultimately means that every person should not depend on society to tell them what is right or wrong, to in other words make up their own moral code. This is what Tucker Max has done. He has blazed his own trail, one that doesn’t exactly match with what society has dictated. As crazy as it may seem, some people may be angry with him because they see him doing the things they wish they could do, but they don’t because society has put the Fear into them. Here he is, getting away with an insane amount of stuff, and everyone else thinks that if they follow suit, they’ll get caught and punished. Why should he have such a privilege?
Well, to quote the British SAS, “Who dares, wins.” Yep. And assholes finish first, ladies and gentlemen.
With the release of his most recent book, this fact can’t be any clearer. Somehow, he managed to top his first bestseller, I HOPE THEY SERVE BEER IN HELL. Most of the stories are exactly as good as the previous stories, but a handful of them are EVEN BETTER. These are “Tucker Goes to Campout, Owns Duke Nerds,” “The Capitol City Clown Crawl,” “The DC Halloween Party and the Worst Girl I Ever Fucked,” and the indisputable champion of Tucker Max stories, “The Tuckerfest Story.”
As with IHTSBIH, he starts off with a hell of a strong story with the Duke Nerds tale. If you have read his work before, you know how abrasive and ruthless he can be, whether he’s been liquored up or not. Add a bullhorn to this mix. That’s all you need to know. And for the second story mentioned above: dress Tucker Max up as a lifeguard clown, give him his bullhorn, and get him boozed to the gills. ‘Nuff said.
The star of the Halloween party, though, is SlingBlade, who should get his own movie, if Max ever ventures into Hollywood again. For those unfamiliar, SlingBlade is the most verbally abusive person one can meet. With his absolute, earnest hatred of aristocratic whoredom, he is easily the most entertaining of Max’s friends. When he duct tapes a fake parrot to his shoulder in this new story, he amplifies his hatred tenfold. Even the most humorless sack of shit would break down in the face of SlingBlade’s verbal attacks at this Halloween party.
If anyone tells you anything about “The Tuckerfest Story” before you’ve read it, it’s probably legal to shoot them. It is astonishing in its criminality, lunacy, excessiveness, drunkenness, and stupidity. How in hell is he going to top this? Could the events of this story be so overwhelming in their awesomeness that he’ll never be able to write about a more extreme incident?
Buy this book so the next one, HILARITY ENSUES, will be a certainty.
ASSHOLES FINISH FIRST
Author: Tucker Max
Publisher: Gallery Books
Price: $25.99
[ADDITIONAL NOTE: I wanted to mention this in the body of the review above, but it just wouldn't be shoe-horned in. Here is another of Max's great accomplishments: he gets people to read who ordinarily wouldn't pick up a book. How many times have I heard people say that they absolutely hate to read, but they absolutely loved reading IHTSBIH? I don't know, but if I had a ha'penny for each, I could probably buy some top-shelf whiskey for a change. He has actually helped the literacy problem in America, so much that I believe he should be featured on one of the celebrity READ posters you find in libraries. Take that as you will, folks.]
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