The newest thing about Fred’s Place is the sign outside. Maybe they thought it would class the joint up a bit, but all it did was make Lake Street a little more incongruous. Anyone seeing the sparkling new sign would expect something at least a little bit fancier than the truck stop that they’re going to get. They would at least expect a restaurant the quality of a McDonald’s . . . .
But no. Fred’s Place is the ultimate greasy spoon. Everything inside is a dim yellow, reminiscent of an aged 8-mm film. Nicotine stains the walls, even though it is not legal to smoke inside. Flies buzz at the lights. The counter and booths may have been new in 1973, and they have the cracks and sweat-circles to prove it. The floor doesn’t look like it has seen a mop in a decade, and then it was only to shoot the shit.
It is very easy to see a TWILIGHT ZONE-era Jack Klugman sitting in the corner booth, wearing a wife-beater, cigarette dangling out of the corner of his mouth as he looks over the horse race results in the paper. If Portillo’s is a place where the best of nostalgia is reflected in its surfaces, then Fred’s Place is the dark underside, the part of history no one wants to remember, the part that everyone glosses over.
Anything that you order is so greasy that it eats through the plate on which it sits, and the plates are NOT paper. Anything you dare to eat will move through you faster than any White Castle Slider or Taco Bell burrito. You’ll be in the parking lot, on your way to your car, when the grease-ball burger you just ate will start pecking at your rectum. You had better drive fast to get home, because you certainly don’t want to use the toilet in this place. The less said about this, the better. In fact, it is highly recommended that you not eat in this place while sober.
If Fred’s Place has all of this against it, then why is it still in business? It has two things going FOR it, and these are so overwhelming that it’s worth overlooking the grime. Firstly, Fred’s is a truck stop, so it is open 24 hours a day (except Sundays). This leads to the second point: it’s the perfect place for drunks. After a hard night’s drinking at bars that are now closed, you can always rely on Fred’s Place being open. Their greasy food is the perfect consumable for such a drunken excursion. It’ll help sober you up a bit for your drive home, and it will help battle your hangover before it even begins. If you need something to pad out the monumental amount of booze you’ve just had, then Fred’s Place is the perfect restaurant for you.
Just don’t go there if you haven’t been drinking.
Fred’s Place
544 W. Lake St.
Elmhurst, IL 60126
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I spent many a night at Fred's during my early twenties. Wonder whatever happened to Ernesto.
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