I might be in the minority on this one, but I don't like the idea of road head. If you don't know what that is, and I know you're not all as filthy as I am, then that's when someone is driving a car and is getting head from the passenger.
I hear you now. Have you ever tried it? How can you say you don't like it if you haven't tried it?
People have been telling me that for years when it comes to food, and that kind of thought process is bullshit. I know with a moral certainty if I'm going to like eating something or not before I try it. Smell and appearance must line up with my idea of what is good. If either of those are off, I know I won't like it. I have always--ALWAYS--been right. I have never--NEVER--been wrong. Green eggs and ham sounds fucking atrocious. I would not eat them at a bar. I would not eat them near or far. And I know for a fact that if I did try green eggs and ham, I would be disgusted with it.
Having said that, I did try road head.
It sounds kind of sexy. Getting one's dick sucked while driving a car. There's the possibility of getting caught, which is thrilling.
But then it happened to me. I was driving with my girlfriend at the time, headed out of Chicago proper and out to the suburbs. We were on Congress Parkway before it turns into the Eisenhower. The speed limit there is 45, but I was going at around sixty because it wasn't rush hour.
She said, "Let me suck your dick." I said, "Sure." And then the troubles began.
She had to push my gut out of the way, which isn't very flattering. Then, because I'm tall, I had to maneuver around in my seat to give her access to my belt and zipper. It was a cramped position, and I could feel it taking its toll on my legs. Then she had to fish around until she got me out above the band of my boxers, but by then I realized this was not as fun as I thought. I couldn't get hard.
At that point I realized just how fast we were going, and I started to have visions of The World According to Garp. Holy shit! If I got into a car accident . . .
"Stop," I said.
"You're not into it, huh?" she said.
"No. Just stop."
She did. And ever since then, every time I've seen a road head scene in a movie (and it's usually a comedy), I think, what a waste of time. There's no way anyone's enjoying that.
Good luck getting to sleep with that horrible image in your head.
No comments:
Post a Comment