Road House is one of my favorite fucking movies. Forget the stuff about a drifter coming to town to clean out the bad guys. As a fan of westerns that is one of my favorite kinds of stories. But look deeper. I love the idea that there is a secret underground society of coolers, philosophical warriors, and that road houses and bars and such seek to hire members of this society to clear out assholes and scumbags from their establishments. But not by force. By being nice. Until, of course, it's time to not be nice. But that's a last resort thing.
It's exceptionally well written and acted. The bad guys are fucking bad, except for Tinker, maybe. Poor Tinker is a little too likeable and stupid to be as bad as the others. But the rich corporate guy wants to take over this small town, and it's up to Dalton to take him on. With a little help from the best, Wade Garrett. The important thing, though, is Dalton uses intelligence to fight these guys. He uses his wits. But when things get really bad, like when he's fighting the dude who fucked men tougher than Dalton in prison, he's willing to rip out a throat. Needs must.
So yeah. The fact that someone did a remake of this wonderful classic didn't sit well with me. And I'm the kind of guy who gave up on remakes, reboots, what have you. I don't watch them because I know I won't like them. I know at least 50 people, probably more, who will watch every one of these things because they can't help themselves. If I asked them why, they usually say something to the effect that they're expecting the worst, hoping for the best. Which is what I used to say until I stopped. I realized that the reason they keep making these things is because of people who say they'll watch it even though they think it will suck. So if they stopped watching these fucking things, then these fucking things would stop getting made. It's reliable IP (and don't get me started on people who refer to art as IP) that puts asses in seats. So stop putting your ass in that seat, and they'll stop tormenting us with their artistic bankruptcy.
But I had to watch the new Road House. I wanted it to be good, and I hoped for some of the same thrill I got from watching the original.
Much to my surprise I actually did like it. Don't get me wrong. It's not nearly as good as the original. It gets rid of the underground society of coolers. It gets rid of the be-nice creed, although the new Dalton is as nice as he can be until it's time to not be nice. I love how he beats the shit out of a few people only after he knows there's a nearby hospital, and then he borrows a car so he can drive those guys to said hospital. It's a nice touch. (He also apologizes to the ER doctor for the extra work!)
The villain is still a rich douchebag with a seemingly unending supply of goons. He's not quite the same as the original (I suspect his imprisoned father is more in line with that), but he's crazy and a little unhinged. He recognizes right off the bat that he can't beat Dalton in a physical fight, so he fucks with his mind by telling him he knows all about Dalton's dark past as a UFC fighter who killed a guy in the Octagon.
I'm not too happy with the UFC stuff. It's stupid, but it's not a deal breaker.
Which brings us to the worst part of this movie: Conor McGregor, former UFC fighter turned actor. He's not necessarily bad at the job. I kind of like the awful strutting and grinning he does in this movie. And he really likes to strut with his butt hanging out, which is kind of funny. And he certainly is a menace tougher than the original Dalton had to deal with. But the character is flat, almost nonexistent. He's not a person, he's a manic bundle of bad-guyness designed for a hero to defeat. Although he's a good foil for Dalton. Dalton uses violence as a last resort, and he doesn't like to do even that. McGregor (I can't remember the character's name, and I wonder why . . .) chooses violence first and foremost, and I have the impression that it gets his dick hard.
I just don't understand how an accused rapist and abuser of women got an acting job in Hollywood. Judging by the things he's been up to, he's a huge fan of violence outside the Octagon and might not have been acting all that much in this film. It's a bit much for me, but it did make me feel better near the end of the movie (but made me angry again with a post credits scene). I think they should have gotten someone else for this role. I suspect it might have been written for McGregor, though. All things considered.
So the remake is fun. It's badass cinema. It's good. But it doesn't even come close to touching the original. I think it was Outlaw Vern who said that capturing lightning in a bottle again in this case is impossible because they stopped making that kind of bottle. I think he's right. I liked the flick. Just proceed with caution.
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