GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #894: THE APPLE TREE

 I went for a walk today, which is a big no-no for me. I've been told that I have to stay off my feet because of a hole in the sole of my bad foot. I didn't walk for long. I can only do a block, anyway. But that block is one I've walked around my entire life, starting when I was a little kid with Mom.

We used to go for walks all the time. I don't think I was even in school yet, I was that young. We'd head out from where we lived at the time, which is two blocks from where I am now, and we'd head toward Jefferson Elementary because there was a park there I could play at.

The neighborhood has changed a great deal. Almost none of the houses are the same. But there was a house that had a beautiful garden that we liked to look at all the time. It lasted quite a while until the old couple who lived there moved out. That was maybe 20 years ago. One of the first things the new owner did was wall in the garden. Although I'm pretty sure they also ripped it up, and that there's nothing to look at even without the fence. It's a shame. It was very beautiful.

But there was another spot we used to stop at, and I thought about it today as I walked past. There was an old man who lived in a cottage that had an apple tree in the backyard. If he was there, he'd give me an apple, freshly picked. And I'd eat it on the way to the school park.

Wait, li'l John Bruni eating fruit? Yes. To this day I can tolerate apples. I can also stomach corn (and not just as liquor!). While in the psych ward I learned that I can stand pears, too. So me eating an apple at that age isn't that far afield.

I was attending that elementary school when the old man moved away. I remember asking Mom if the new owner will keep giving me apples. She said she hoped so.

But the new owner didn't. One of the first things he did was uproot the tree. There is a piece of sidewalk now where that tree used to be, a stone path through his backyard. At first I thought, with a child's simplicity, that the new owner just didn't like me, but that guy probably had no idea of all the walks Mom and I took through that neighborhood, and he certainly had no idea of the enjoyment a simple apple could give a small boy like the one I'd once been.

I miss that tree. I even had a taste for apples today. As Vonnegut used to say, "So it goes."

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #520: FLOODING ELMHURST AND GETTING RAINED OUT AT PRINTERS ROW

 The way it works in Elmhurst, where I live, is that if there is a torrential rainfall, all the sewer drains lead to the massive quarry in town. It's to prevent flooding, but there is a catch. If memory serves correctly there is a switch that has to be flipped to make sure this happens.

If that is, indeed, the case someone forgot to flip it yesterday. I knew the rain would be bad for Printers Row, but I didn't know quite how bad it would be. I got soaked to the skin just going from my house to the car. And then I started driving. I saw a puddle that looked fine, but about midway through I discovered that I was up to the halfway mark on my car door in the middle of this puddle. The only way I got through it was because I had momentum.

Along the way I saw other extraordinarily deep puddles. Even by the 7-Eleven I usually go to, a giant pond had formed on York making it damn near impossible to get through.

What I should have done was say fuck it and stay home. That's not what I did, though. Instead I found a way to the Eisenhower that didn't involve getting stuck in a flood. I still nearly hydroplaned at the bottom of the onramp. Getting through the horrible rains was not fun at all. It stopped raining long enough for me to pay for my parking and get to our table, but then it rained so hard that I saw the street in front of me fill up with a small creek of running water.

I knew there was no way we were going to sell anything. But I was there, so I figured I'd stick it out. Besides, getting home would probably be a complete and utter bitch. I felt certain that my one way out of town would have flooded after I'd gotten through.

We called it quits, and I managed to get home just fine. However, on the way back I saw the inbound side of the Eisenhower had been blocked off, and there was a detour. Cars were backed up for miles. This was around the Des Plaines River, so I figured the water must have overflowed onto the expressway. I'm just glad it didn't spill over to the outbound side.

Still, yesterday was not much fun at all. I remember a time when both days of Printers Row were *not* rainy. Now it looks like we're going to have to suffer through rain at least one day of the weekend. That's been the case for the last few years. It sucks because that's my favorite show of the year.

The rain also killed my wining streak. I haven't gone home with any of my own books in years. Ah well. To quote a great man, "So it goes."