Thursday, February 5, 2015

HEY FUCKERS #14: AN EVENING OF FREE BOOZE WITH TONY STARK

Last year, the office building I work in hosted a beer and wine tasting. I managed to get a free ticket, along with a few friends, which meant I got to drink a lot of alcohol for free. There are very few things more magical than that. I wound up getting a lot of stories out of that night. One of them involves Iron Man himself. A guy who runs a design company in the building has a hobby of building very realistic Iron Man suits. They look like movie props, and they even light up. I wouldn't be surprised if the fuckers can fly. He had one on display in his office window, and it was amazing to behold. I actually got to meet the guy, and it turns out he goes to C2E2, as well, and he's usually wearing one of his Iron Man suits. How awesome is that?


The evening was incredible, and I remember walking into the building the next morning with Fitz, who had been there with me. Considering the wild events of the previous evening, the lobby looked kind of sad. Some of the furniture was still there, and movers were working at cleaning up. I remarked to Fitz that we were looking at the last ghostly remnants of a great time.


Shortly after, my pancreas failed me, and I nearly died. I think this party might have had something to do with it, considering the monumental amount of alcohol I consumed. Tickets to this event cost about $35, and I'm here to tell you that I probably drank about five times that amount in the space of three hours.


Fast forward to now. Guess who got a free pass to this year's event. That's right. So did Fitz and another friend who was present last year. Now that I've switched departments, I have a full view of the lobby below from my desk, and I've been watching the staff put everything in place, and I can feel the building excitement of the possibilities of drunken adventures tonight.


You know how, when you drop a pebble in a pond, it causes circles to drift out from the middle in all directions? What if death worked that way? I feel like I'm watching the ghost of tonight's event before it has even happened, and I feel very excited. Is it possible that Tony Stark will make an appearance? I certainly hope so. War Machine is on display right now. I desperately hope this guy puts on the Iron Man suit to mingle with us in the lobby. That would be great. Adventure and debauchery awaits.


Although I should probably not drink enough to put me in the ER again. That would suck, especially since I'm not done paying my hospital bills yet. I wouldn't mind getting shot full of Dilaudid again, but I'm not sure I want to go to such great lengths to get that.


Preparations have been made. A hotel room has been acquired. The event begins at five. The countdown has begun. Wish me luck. I'll wear a red carnation on my lapel tomorrow so you'll know I'm still me.

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