When I was a kid, my mom would always take me for walks. If I was lucky, it was down five blocks to the guy who had an apple tree in his backyard. I thought that was weird. If you wanted something to eat, you didn't go to the grocery store? You just picked an apple off a tree in your backyard? Mom knew the guy, and he was always happy to let me have one. And I just ate it fresh from nature.
I think maybe that's the reason why the only fruit I can tolerate in the world is an apple. And I mean tolerate. I had pears when I was a child, and fuck that shit. Get away from me with those bullshit nasty bananas. If that tomato isn't in the form of ketchup, then get it the fuck away from me. Do you realize that all that shit comes from nature? It's not natural to eat natural things! I need processed food, dammit! If anyone thinks otherwise, I challenge you to drink directly from Salt Creek. If you don't get sick, I will . . . probably not do anything. But if you get sick, I will laugh.
*sigh* Maybe I just need to stop going to the hospital. Just got out from an overnight stay due to a horrible illness. It's over now. Thankfully. And hey! For all the drinking I've done lately, my liver is in exceptional shape! I figured it would be crouched in my body like Gollum begging to be set free.
Sorry, bud. You're stuck with me for a while longer.
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