GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #462: BOOMERANG

This fuckin' guy annoyed the shit out of me.
I'm glad he died in the second movie.
Don't worry. This GF isn't about him.

 

A long time ago in this very galaxy, I believed boomerangs were bullshit. Sure, I knew all about them from cartoons to Legend of Zelda, etc., but there was no universe in existence that would have convinced me that if you threw this bent piece of wood that it would turn around and come back to you. The very thought seemed insane to me.

And one day I found myself gifted with a boomerang. Now that I actually held one I knew for certain that there was no way this thing really worked. It felt like balsa wood in my hand. No fucking way.

So I packed it away for a couple of years, and I rediscovered it. I'm pretty sure I was in junior high at the time. I lived (and still live) across the street from the Prairie Path in Elmhurst, so I decided to test it out. I stood in the middle of a strip of "wild prairie" (actually tamed by the Elmhurst Park District) and with all of my might I threw the boomerang and watched it disappear into the distance.

Ha! I knew it! Fuckers had to get up pret-ty goddammed early in the morning to . . .

HOLY SHIT! IT'S COMING BACK TO ME AT FULL FUCKING FORCE! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

I stood there helplessly as it bulleted back to where I stood, and I just knew I was going to get it in the face. I'd even made my peace with it. And then it dipped down and one end of the boomerang sank halfway into the ground directly between my legs. A few inches higher and it would have gotten me in the nuts.

So yeah. Boomerangs are not bullshit. I can see now why they're used as weapons.

But still. Fuck Captain Boomerang.