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| President Donald J. "Sergeant" Schultz, speaking with the press corps. |
Not too long ago I noted that we lucked out as far as being led by Nazis went. Instead of actual, scary Nazis, we got the Hogan's Heroes version. And let the record state, your honor, that my current favorite genre of videos is footage of ICE screwing the pooch over and over again. The ICE guy slipping on ice? I've got a little precum just thinking about it. He may be masked, but all his goon buddies know exactly who he is. He knows they laugh behind his back. Hell, for all I know, they laugh at his front, too.
And now ICE is just shooting people in the face. Is that scary? Yes. Very much so. But it's also still in the Hogan's Heroes mindframe.
These assholes can't even properly run an authoritarian regime. They just keep ratcheting shit up. It's not hot enough, fellas. It's gotta be hotter. No, HOTTER. NO! HOTTER!
I listen to a lot of political podcasts, so forgive me if I'm blanking on who said this, but it's a good point: Real authoritarian regimes know not to overdo it. They know when to release the pressure. They know how to ease up and let their people know peace if only for a little while. And if you look at long-lasting dictatorships, that's the secret sauce to their survival.
You may have noticed, but we used to be like that. Every once in a while we'd get a break from the constant assault on our senses, but ever since Sgt. Schultz was sworn into office we've never had a day--NOT SO MUCH AS A SINGLE SECOND--of relief. This is by design. They think this is breaking us. And it is. "Flood the zone with shit." -Steve Bannon, a Steaming Pile of Shit(TM).
But they're ignoring the natural consequence of this. Remember the last time we were under a constant assault of shit? Me neither, because I wasn't alive during the American Revolution.
"Where's King George III?"
"Am I my king's keeper?"
They want a civil war. Now that cities are threatening to arrest ICE agents, that civil war is closer to us than ever. How do you expect ICE to respond the moment one of them gets arrested? Now that they have pulled out their tiki torches and are no longer hiding their Nazi tendencies?
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| They're not exactly the paradigm of fuckin' restraint. |
I feel it, too. I'm exhausted, angry, frustrated, aghast, stricken and so many other fucking things. You can probably sense from my tone how frayed I am. But we can't let them have that civil war. That's how we ALL lose.
But if they keep this shit up, they'll have a revolution instead.
All right, the apartment is fed up with us complaining about the roaches, so they're spraying the complex down tomorrow. I gotta warn them about Big Ed's brother. He's got a gun, I think, and he's been doing poppers all week. If I find the time, I'll finally get around to telling you how to kneecap our corporate overlords.
Jon Stewart turns solemnly toward the camera while loosening his collar. He clears his throat. "Hey France. It's been a while. Listen, I know we said some really bad things about you twenty years ago . . .and we're deeply sorry for the thing with the Freedom Fries. Please accept our sincerest apologies. Hey, we had some good times, didn't we? Like during the American Revolution! Say, speaking of those times, I have a favor to ask . . ."
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