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| Hello Satan. |
"Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize." Tom Lehrer said that, and thankfully satire kept on keeping on for a good long time after. I think about this quote every time Trump and his douchebags do something. Anything. What's left for satire? But that doesn't stop those of us who love to take the piss out of the government.
Kissinger finally died not soon enough but at the ripe old age of 100 back in 2023. I thought we'd never be rid of his wretched villainy. But he didn't shuffle off this mortal coil without a parting shot. One of the articles I read on the subject had a nice hooker, so I'm going to quote it: "Henry Kissinger was known for his monumental ego. And at the end of his life he asked for . . . an actual monument." And he wanted it bad. He advised his executors to pay whatever was necessary to make it happen, and he died with $80M, and that's the low estimate. He probably had a lot more.
Like it or not Kissinger was a pioneer. You know how government employees service contractors in an effort to secure an obscenely-high paying job in the private sector after they retire from "public service?" He fucking started that grift. It paid off pretty well, apparently. I'm loath to quote Kissinger in any of my writings, but it's apropos here. "Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac." If that's any indication of his private life, he may have never had a dry dick since the Nixon administration.
The article I quoted above with the great hooker, written by James Mann and Hailey Fuchs, quotes Daniel Drezner, who is an expert on Kissinger. Drezner thinks Kissinger was mighty insecure, and that his request for a public monument over his grave in Arlington Cemetery is proof of that, but I don't buy it. He *is* right when he says that Kissinger wanted to rewrite his legacy. Not everyone drank his Flavor-Aid, and he knew it. He wanted to ensure that future Americans looked back on his legacy with awe and respect, not derision (like I do). I don't think that's got anything to do with insecurity. That's got everything to do with controlling the narrative, and he wanted to do that so badly that he tried it from beyond the grave.
Arlington generally doesn't allow private monuments, just the usual white gravestones that you see in war movies. They put a rule in place a few years back to ensure that would continue no matter what. However, Kissinger got his plot before the rule went into effect and was hoping that would be a neat loophole for his legacy.
But Arlington turned him down. They flat out said no, Kissinger would get the regular monument as a WWII vet, nothing more.
Thank fuck. I love Tom Lehrer (big surprise, I know), but who says satire is obsolete?
All the same I'm a little surprised that Trump didn't circle back and make this monument to Satan happen. If there is villainy to be performed, he's usually on point. To be fair he's got three more years (no more than that, I sincerely hope, for the sake of America), so it's not a done deal, but still.
Well, if that happens, I hope it's a life-sized nude statue of Kissinger. If I have to suffer, I think we all have to suffer. And I hope some wit chisels his tiny stone dick off and sells it on Etsy. I imagine this statue would make David look hung like a donkey.
Maybe Kissinger should have thought to have his monument built while he was still alive, like PT Barnum reading his own obituary. Now *that* would be satire.
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