Thursday, November 30, 2017

THE JOHN BRUNI MUSEUM OF MEDIOCRE (AT BEST) SHIT #31: THE TRUTH






[Remember the last time I posted a poem to the John BruniMuseum of Mediocre (at Best) Shit? This is the second time I fell for it. It’s even more embarrassing than the first. I think I might be deranged and masochistic for letting you all see this. But hey! At least I didn’t order the cards this time . . . From America at the Millennium, from the year 2000.]


[Sorry. One more thing. Out of curiosity, I looked up the book’s cover for the graphic you see above. This is ridiculous, but Amazon actually has a copy of this fucking thing. AND IT’S SELLING FOR NEARLY A HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS. Even crazier, it has a 5-star rating. Then I went to the reviews, and it would seem that the authors of these poems wrote the reviews in a revolting attempt at auto-fellatio. I am absolutely horrified by this. But at least I wasn’t the only sucker. That counts for something, I guess.]


Have no fear,
The End is here!
Bring tons of beer!
We’ll spread lots of cheer!
You’re not there?
That’s hardly fair,
Quite depressing.
I was repressing
The Truth.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

THE JOHN BRUNI MUSEUM OF MEDIOCRE (AT BEST) SHIT #30: INTERVIEW WITH RICHARD T. CROWE, GHOST HUNTER






[This was the last piece I wrote for the Elmhurst College Leader. It was fun because I got to interview Richard Crowe, a well-known Chicago ghost hunter. I remember that after the interview, he sold me a VHS copy of his special on ghost hunting. I bought it from his trunk. Ah, those were the days! A few years after that I ran into him again, this time at the Elmhurst Public Library, where I worked for 10 years. He didn’t remember me, but he remembered the lecture. He was at the library to make a presentation on his new book, the one he said he was working on when I first met him. He has since passed away, and he is missed. He really did have a childlike enthusiasm for his work. He made you want to be a part of it. From the August 18, 2000 issue.]


He stands at the lectern, a screen to his right loaded with images of the Chicagoland area. His bass voice booms throughout the room as he speaks of Allan Pinkerton’s guards and the moving statue of Inez Clarke, gangsters buried in Mt. Carmel Cemetery that are still occasionally seen whether it be by railroad tracks or streets, a stop sign that bleeds ketchup on rainy nights, and many other strange things.


In the interview afterwards, sitting on a bench with his legs crossed, his words echoing down the halls of Moraine Community College’s Fine and Performing Arts Center, he is happy to hear from a ticket counter that his “Weird Chicago” lecture had sold out.


Oak Lawn resident and ghost hunter Richard Timothy Crowe, born on Jan. 10, 1948, has been giving these Weird Chicago lectures as well as bus tours of the haunted Chicagoland area for 26 years as of Oct. 31, 1999.


The first tour he gave was for DePaul’s Geographical Society in 1973, and has been doing them ever since.


He started giving the Chicago Supernatural Tours not because he had a desire to experience the haunts himself, but because he was interested in the people who experienced them; he was interested in their accounts.


“It’s the fascination of living history,” Crowe said, grinning. “I love history.”


He also loves gothic and classic literature, most notably Edgar Allan Poe, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Bram Stoker, and HP Lovecraft.


He harbors a love for architecture to the point where he has peppered architectural facts throughout his lecture. His taste in literature matches his taste in architecture.


“The gothic look certainly appeals,” he said. “It should have a ghost story if it doesn’t.”


Mostly, he likes to study artifacts. In fact, he owns a number of interesting items including a piece of the Haymarket Bomb, a pinch of dirt from Mary Alice Quinn’s grave (one of the sites on his tours; the dirt supposedly brings one in touch with Quinn’s healing abilities), a John Dillinger death mask, and even a brick from the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre (these bricks are supposedly cursed; Crowe keeps his in the garage “just in case.”).


“Holding an artifact from the past is a thrill for me,” he said.


In addition, he collects stamps, coins, and (most notably) ghost stories. True ghost stories? That’s what he’s trying to figure out.


“You have to dissect each case on its own merits,” Crowe said, “and be careful because there are indeed wandering folk tales. You have to make sure there’s really something to it rather than just a folk tale that’s attached to the location.”


He tries to find independent firsthand accounts of historical documentation. This implies there’s more to ghost hunting than merely staking out allegedly haunted locations.


“It involves history, literature, folklore, and many other disciplines,” he said. “It’s not just going out there and hunting ghosts, you’ve got to find out the rationale for it, which means you’ve got to study the occurrence from all angles.”


According to Crowe, there are three angles to work from, as a ghost hunter. Some go in a psychological direction, earning degrees in parapsychology. Others go the electronic routes, relying on sound detectors, cameras, and other devices. Still others go the route Crowe does: literature. He gives Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of Sherlock Holmes and investigator into the supernatural, as another such example.


Crowe tries to keep that level of variation in his tours. They are each five hours long with 13 stops (although, he admits, there are occasionally more stops) with a mix of material and geographical variety. “I do it so people will be interested at least in one story,” he said. “If one doesn’t do anything for them, then there’s other stuff along the line. It’s a something-for-everybody type of approach.”


He also likes to keep a fast pace, so no one has time to get bored or fall asleep. Even the skeptics can have a good time.


“I’m not trying a real hard-sell,” Crowe said. “If you want to believe in ghosts and the supernatural, fine. If you’d rather just take in the history and the surroundings for just a night out, then that’s another way of doing it.”


In the past, skeptics have been a problem for him, mostly because they wouldn’t give him any credibility, but that’s getting easier every day.


“I think the younger generations are much more open to the supernatural,” he said.


He has had some experience himself. He has seen the glowing light at Maple Lake more than once, although not since 1986.


He has smelled non-existent roses at Mary Alice Quinn’s grave (even across the street, in his car with the windows up) and in Robinson Woods at the Robinson family burial ground. In the mid-‘Seventies, Crowe and his computer man captured 200 ghostly images on film at Bachelor Grove Cemetery. These experiences have not merely made him a believer; they have left him with more questions.


“I’m still searching for the answers,” he said.


His The Ghosts of Chicago video is still available, and he is working on a few projects, which may include a book.


For more information on Crowe’s Chicago Supernatural Tours, call (708) 499-0300.

COVER REVEAL FOR BLOOD BY JOHN BRUNI




In case you missed it, here is the cover for my forthcoming novel, BLOOD, from StrangeHouse. I don't know what I did to deserve this, but my books somehow all have top-notch covers from brilliant artists. Each and every one of them are instant eye-catchers. How could anyone pass this up?


More as it develops . . .

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

THE JOHN BRUNI MUSEUM OF MEDIOCRE (AT BEST) SHIT #29: REVIEW OF HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE





[This was my introduction to the world of Harry Potter. Back then, this was barely on my radar. This was back in the days when religious parents were afraid of the evil, devil-worshipping JK Rowling and her sway over their kids’ minds. I had a reputation for liking weird shit back then. (Heh. Still do.) The editor figured who better to review this book than the fucked up weirdo who might actually be a devil worshipper? And hey! I got the purchase expensed! I didn’t expect much, so this book blew me the fuck away. I hurriedly grabbed the other three books and waited with the rest of the world for the next book. This was in the Elmhurst College Leader, August 18, 2000.]


Every once in a while, a children’s book comes along that appeals to adults, too. For the past few years, JK Rowling has made a living writing books that keep adults and children alike turning pages in anticipation. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (732 pages, Levin Books, $25.95), the fourth in a seven-part series, has been released and has generated so much attention and popularity that bookstores had droves of people showing up to get their hands on the latest exploits of the teenage wizard-in-training, Harry Potter.


This book reads at times like a modern day fairy tale, and at other times like a fairy tale in the darkest traditions of the Brothers Grimm. There’s enough cutsey things for kids to get excited about, like the house-elf Dobby’s odd joy at receiving the gift of socks and Winky’s tendency towards the melodramatic. There’s also Harry’s amusingly fat cousin, Dudley, who ends up growing a huge tongue as a result of eating George and Fred Weasley’s Ton-Tongue Toffey. And, of course, it’s extremely funny to see Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, two wizards, attempt performing Muggle (non-wizard) activities, like sending mail (Mrs. Weasley, not quite sure how much postage to use, covers the envelope in stamps just to be sure) and putting up a tent.


However, there is also a handful of dark, even gruesome, scenes. The book starts out with a scene very reminiscent of HP Lovecraft’s stories (if Lovecraft didn’t have such a powerful understanding of the English language, that is). An old man thought to have been a murderer investigates the house he’s supposed to watch over when someone breaks in, which brings him into a lunatic world with a sentient snake (Nagini), a wishy-washy servant (the aptly named Wormtail), and a thing in a dark chair that calls itself Lord Voldemort, whose oozing, cold voice is reminiscent of Vincent Price’s. When the poor old man finally sees Voldemort (also aptly named), all he can do is scream before he dies.


Unfortunately, such a rich character as Voldemort doesn’t appear again for a long time, but when he does, there’s another vicious scene in which Wormtail, quivering with fear and revulsion for what he must do, is actually forced to cut off his own hand in order to give his master a body.


In fact, there’s a cast of disturbing characters, from the dementors (guards of the wizard prison, Azkaban, who can suck a wizard’s soul out, a fate worse than death) to the enigmatic Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Mad-Eye Moody, with his heavily scarred face, half-nose, wooden leg, and rolling magical eye, complete with a lunatic paranoia and a dark secret . . .


There are plenty of things to keep children entertained, from the Quidditch World Cup to the Tri-Wizard Tournament, and the adults will also find themselves grinning with glee through Harry Potter’s most recent adventures. In fact, the only thing that would get in the way of adult readers is the loose, simple writing. Then again, they don’t call it a children’s book for nothing. Adults, don’t be afraid to buy this book, hoping the excuse that “my kid’s been looking for this book” will work. Number one, you’re not alone, and number two, it’s worth it.