GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #1038: AN ADJUSTMENT

 OK, so back in the day, I occasionally got so wasted while writing these things that I would sometimes forget to post them. Or I'd pass out in the middle of writing them. These days? I'm starting to notice that if I'm very high while writing these, I have a tendency to save it and think that I've posted it. Even if I don't go through the process of posting the link on my social media, in my head it's been posted. I might remember about it when I'm in bed about to turn the lamp off, but by then I'm not going to put my ankle brace back on to go back to my living room, to my laptop, and go through the process.

Last night's GF was written last week because I got high and fucking forgot to post it, which is kind of funny because the one I'd posted the night before had been another forgotten post. So I gotta find a new way of doing this.

GF is supposed to be a gathering of my thoughts before going to bed (more or less), but I'm thinking about writing them earlier and then posting them just before I go to bed. The problem is, I'm even more likely to forget about it this way.

What I'm going to try is writing these before I get high, then leaving my laptop up so I don't forget to post it when I'm high as fuck. Wait, no, I got it. I'll just write it and post it before I get high entirely. Then stay the fuck off social media the rest of the night. I should be doing that, anyway.

I'll give that a try. Who knows? Maybe more people will read these fresh off the press, if I'm going to be posting these earlier moving forward.

You'd think I'd start with this one. Wouldn't it be funny if I got high and forgot to post this, too?

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #859: SOCIOPATHY

 Just because you're a sociopath doesn't mean you're a serial killer. There are tons of sociopaths that don't kill people. Usually they hold roles like "CEO" or "Congressman," so we're not likely to have them in our clutches.

So we're kind of stuck with the serial killer sociopaths. The good news is, we have a bunch of those. And I have an idea that might help society. You may think that the killers would not have any incentive to help, but they actually do.

Here's the idea. As part of sentencing, sociopathic serial killers have to participate in this program. Initially they won't want to, but when they realize they can get something they never expected to get ever again in return? They'll be on board. Because it's important to them to feel better, stronger, than the average bear they will want to take part in this. It will actually get their dicks hard. (Those who have dicks, at least.)

Every five years I think people should be exposed to a sociopath. When we have so many of them in reserve, it shouldn't be a problem. I think everyone should be in a room with a sociopath at rest, and then that sociopath should "turn it on." Just to show how easily it can be done, and how earnest they seem. How believable they are. And then they should "turn it off," just to show how scary something like that is.

I have had conversations with people I believe to be sociopaths, and it is very unsettling when they turn off their charm. It's easier than flicking a switch. It's like expelling a breath. And when they scare people with that? They'll get what they want.

And we'll get what we want: a constant reminder of how easy it is to lie and seem perfectly believable. Because a lot of sociopaths *do* wind up as CEOs, No one loves to take advantage of the public more than a CEO. Most people give others the benefit of the doubt, so it's easy to get hurt by sociopaths. It would be much better to have training and experience in dealing with one. As a whole I think society would improve in such a fashion.

Of course, I may be high. Possibly.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #587: MEETING THE NEW YEAR HIGH

 So I've been laying off the cannabis for a reason. I've been keeping it on the down low, but I've been looking for a new job. Just because recreational cannabis is legal in IL doesn't mean that you can still test positive for it and get a job. That sucks, but that's the way it goes.

But I gave up on looking for a new job. I'm pretty sure I can make the one I have work out decently and still get an all right apartment if not in Elmhurst then at least close by. So I decided to get high as fuck to end 2022 and meet 2023. I went out to a friend's place, and we got high and watched a bunch of cool shit. Holy fuck, I was high. It was great. We went to sleep around 3-ish, and when I woke up the next day I was still pretty high. It was excellent.

I'm pretty sure I'm unable to find a new job because of my books. I've had amazing interviews where I knocked it out of the park. One interview even treated me like I was already hired. But then these jobs started ghosting me, which has never happened to me before. I can only assume they did the poor man's background check (ie. Google), and my books came up. Well, I can't put that genie back in the bottle, so fuck it. Let's see where I can go from here.

Although some of those jobs were pretty sweet. Some of them offered as much as $75K/year. That would have been awesome. Ah well.

This is all over the place. Not much cohesion. Perhaps I'm rustier at this than I thought. But here's something interesting that happened when I went to sleep in the wee hours of New Year's Day. For the first time in ages I had a booze dream. They don't happen often, but it happened pretty hardcore that night. Probably something psychological in regards to getting high after being sober for so long. But in the dream I was taking down shot after shot after shot, and it was great. And then I remembered, holy shit! I'm not supposed to be doing this! But then I thought, fuck it. Let's keep drinking. So I did until I woke up.

I could almost taste the whiskey.

Anyway, it's good to get high again. That's not going to be an every day thing going forward, but every once in a while. Like a treat to myself. I've been a good boy. Now for my edible.

I am not high right now. Perhaps I should be, considering how much rambling I've done here tonight.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #420: HIGH

To be read to this song. 

Yes, I'm high. Why do you ask?

Time to come clean a little bit. I don't always go to bed after posting these things. The problem is, there comes a time every night when I'm high that I lose my ability to complete sentences. I do this when speaking, too. I can start a sentence and suddenly have no idea of what I meant to say or even what I'm doing. As a result, I can't write these when I'm in that headspace.

So I wait until I feel the cannabis kick in. I have about a half-hour worth of a good buzz before I turn stupid. That's when I write these columns. And then, after I post, I put my phone away and let the drug have its way with me until I've degraded to the point of goofy laughter, which I then promptly forget what I was laughing about. And I mean promptly. I'd say three seconds after I finish laughing, I've already forgotten what I laughed about.

It's a good feeling, but it's not conducive to writing things.

Get some . . . some beer. And some . . . and some cleaning products.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #339: HIGH

 Welcome to the first ever GF column that I've written while under the influence of cannabis and cannabis alone. Yes, as I type this dispatch from the trenches, I am high as a motherfucker. I haven't had a single drink of booze. No other drugs. JUST CANNABIS.

I like it so far. I mean, I've only written one paragraph so far, but I think this is going well. It feels like I'm drunk but also really sleepy, too. And I feel certain that when I wake up tomorrow I'm going to feel bloated because of all the food I had today including a bunch of majestic beef jerky. I also feel confident that I can fall immediately asleep after I post this. Couldn't always say that with the booze, even. Hell, I might even be refreshed when I get up for work. That'll be a novel feeling.

I've noticed that I have short term memory loss while on cannabis, so I was kind of wondering if I'd be able to string together reasonably coherent sentences. I thought I might not be able to do this at all. Who knows? Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and this will have been written in an inside out screaming cursive. Wait, what am I saying? I'm babbling. That could cause some future GF problems here. No matter how drunk I got, I was able to write reasonably well. But what if I can't do that while high?

I am struggling to keep a train of thought, but I keep departing on other tracks every other word. Either I'll quit the GF columns for a while ("Again?" I hear you ask), or things are gonna get really weird and meandering around here.

I guess I'll read this tomorrow and then figure it all out.