COOL SHIT 4-10-14

KICK-ASS 3 #7: (Please remember that Cool Shit contains spoilers. To quote a great man, “Tread lightly.”) Mark Millar’s not fucking around. This is the end of KICK-ASS. He pulls a very bizarre move in this issue though: he has the Motherfucker turn on his Mafia family and try to save Hit-Girl. I’m unclear as to why he does this. It’s completely out of character for him. Is it just so he can have his Hobgoblin-from-the-third-Spider-Man moment? Ugh. Not that it matters, though, since the Motherfucker gets killed in this issue. Seriously, Millar is an animal. He could do anything. There is one issue left, and there’s no way to predict the ending. For all we know, Hit-Girl and Kick-Ass die in the end. I suspect Hit-Girl will get it. I don’t know about Kick-Ass, but we’ll see soon. (PS: I love Big Daddy’s monster truck.)

G.I. JOE: SPECIAL MISSIONS #14: This one is reminiscent of the old Marvel G.I. JOE book. This is the perfect example of a Special Mission, taking one character and spotlighting him in the field. This is Lowlight’s book as he faces off against a Cobra sniper with a wounded Mainframe in the middle of it all. Since COBRA FILES ended, I’ve been greatly disappointed with this title. It was nice to see this one go out on top with a cool issue. That’s right, this is the last issue of SM. We’re stuck with the regular G.I. JOE from here on out (and the original Hama series, which is hit or miss). It’s a shame. I hope the next step for IDW and these characters is much better than what we’ve been getting lately.

THE TWILIGHT ZONE #4: And so the first story arc ends. It comes to a very satisfying ending. I’m not sure if it’s something that Rod Serling would have done, but tone-wise, I think he would have been proud. The only problem I have with it is the introduction of the next story by interweaving it with this one in an odd hybrid of an epilogue/prologue. It seems a bit cheap. I’d rather do without it. Besides, it ruins the effect of the final monologue (which, presumably, belongs to Serling). But I’ll reserve judgment until I’ve read the next issue.

THE WALKING DEAD #125: Here we have it, ladies and gentlemen. The moment of truth. Rick vs. Negan, one on one. Except . . . it’s not the two-fisted battle in a boiler room you might expect. No, it’s a verbal argument. And shockingly enough, Rick gives Negan a wonderful argument for why the war should end. He’s of the opinion that they could achieve wonderful things if they just worked together instead of trying to kill each other. Surprise! Rick gets through to Negan. He sees the light. It looks like we’re going to have a peace agreement. Too bad Rick fucking slits Negan’s throat. All right, I don’t really think he does a good enough job. I’ll bet next issue, it will be revealed to be a shallow job, and Negan’s going to make it. Kirkman’s not done with a guy like Negan, not yet. No fucking way. We don’t have his backstory yet. But we’ll see. Next issue is the last of “All Out War.”

Here’s a bonus: NEXT TESTAMENT #8. I’m going to review it next week on Wednesday at the Napalm Reviews, but I just wanted to share this wonderful image from this book with you. Haemi Jang is a wonderful artist.

Stay tuned next week for a special announcement concerning this column.

COOL SHIT 1-16-14

GRAVEL: COMBAT MAGICIAN #0: FUCK YES! The return of William Gravel! I’ve been a fan of this book since I stumbled upon the first issue of STRANGE KISS at the Graham Crackers in Wheaton. Hot off the fucking press. I only wish that Warren Ellis was still writing it. Don’t get me wrong, I like Mike Wolfer, but Ellis brought a harder edge (and a darker humor) to Gravel. In this one, Gravel expounds on the history of combat magic in Britain, and of course he has to go up against a French combat magician. This is a bit of an odd #0, though. Usually, when Avatar Press does a #0, it’s a smaller book, maybe 99-cents, with a black and white preview, or maybe the first five pages of the first issue with a bunch of artist sketches. This one is fucking massive and comes in at $4.99 with a story of its own, which looks a lot to me like an issue one. There is a great combat log in the back of the book, giving readers Gravel’s history, starting with STRANGE KISS and going through to the final issue of GRAVEL. (Although the order is kind of off, and I can’t figure out why.)

CRYPTOZOIC MAN #3: This is an odd book for me. I can read any comic book with shitty art, just so long as the story is good. I’ve been fond of saying the opposite is not true. No matter how good the art, if the story sucks, I can’t get through it. I’m not saying the story of this book sucks. I just can’t get into it. However, the art is so mindblowingly amazing, I can’t ignore this book. There are so many great images, I found it really hard to settle on the one I wanted to sample for Cool Shit. I think I made the right choice, though.

GOD IS DEAD #5: OK, the gods are still kicking the shit out of each other. That’s not the cool part about this book. You know how the geniuses are trying to create gods of their own to fight the real gods? Well . . . they succeeded with this issue, and not in a good way. That last panel will make you clench your asshole.

NEXT TESTAMENT #7: This is probably my favorite miniseries going on right now, and Clive Barker and Mark Miller have upped the ante big time with this issue. God demands that his new followers fucking BUILD HIM A PYRAMID. When they fuck it up, he gets rid of them all. Next on the agenda? Blacking out the sun and raising a plague of locusts. And he’s acting like he just did everyone a favor. It’s unreal how good this book is.

COOL SHIT 8-1-13

G.I. JOE #6:  All right, I’ve been ragging on this new incarnation of G.I. JOE, and well within reason.  It’s a jokey, bullshit book which destroys the great storyline that came before it.  But this issue made me laugh.  I couldn’t help it.  It goes into Cover Girl’s history and why she decided to join the military.  Apparently, she was on an army reality show, in which celebrities (she was a model, remember) go through basic training and then face off against each other on TV for some prize or other.  While they shoot the season finale, a crew of pirates raid their desert island and take them captive, and only Cover Girl can save them.  It sounds stupid, I know, but it made me laugh, mostly because it skewers reality shows, and I FUCKING HATE REALITY SHOWS.

THE TRANSFORMERS:  MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE #19:  Wow, this one adds a lot to the mythology, in particular a few interesting uses for the Matrix in the old days.  But the big shocker this time out is . . . Ultra Magnus was never Ultra Magnus, not in all the time we’ve known him.  He’s not an impostor, nor did someone control his mind (like with Prowl in ROBOTS IN DISGUISE).  Ultra Magnus has been gone for centuries.  However, he created this armor that looks like him that other Autobots can wear so that they can be the ultimate lawman.  And it’s passed down through the generations.  How weird is that?  And ballsy.  I wonder how many Ultra Magnus fans are weeping right now.  But goddam!  IDW is kicking ass with this one!

THE WAKE #3:  I’ll be honest, I didn’t know what to make of this series with the first issue.  It didn’t really say a lot, aside from introducing characters and mystery.  But plot?  Conflict?  Not so much.  This is quickly growing into one of my favorite miniseries.  Killer mermaids have been done before, but not like this.  The power they exert over their victims is astonishing, especially when it happens to the big game hunter.  You can practically hear him say, “Clever girl,” at one point.  Scott Snyder is an animal, and I wish he would cut back on the superhero stuff and concentrate more on stuff like this.  (And, of course, I’m going into AMERICAN VAMPIRE withdrawals.)

NEXT TESTAMENT #3:  Remember in last issue, when Wick had that dinner party of powerful guests at his mercy?  Well . . . not anymore.  They’re dead.  All of them, and in fantastic ways.  It’s an orgy of gore, and it’s a beauty to behold.  Not only that, but on a whim, he decides to change airplanes so they can’t fly anymore.  That’s right, all of them.  At once.  One has to wonder what the fuck this guy has in mind for the human race.  He’s delighted by them, but he seems to have no problem killing them off en masse.  This book gives me such a hard-on.  I can’t wait to see where Clive Barker brings us next!

COOL SHIT 7-11-13

NEXT TESTAMENT #2:  Ah.  It’s so good to have some new Clive Barker.  Since he’s lost himself in the world of ABARAT (which isn’t a terrible thing, by the way), he hasn’t had much time for anything else.  I’m glad to see him working in comics again, and this is a hell of a book.  In last issue, Julian Demonde (get it?) went in search of God and found Wick.  Wick is a multi-colored man-shaped being (complete with multi-colored speech bubbles), and while he claims to be the Father part of the Holy Trinity, I have a sneaking suspicion that he’s lying to everyone.  That wouldn’t be so strange for Barker fans.  Check out WEAVEWORLD if you don’t believe me.  In this issue, he blames all of the horrible acts of God—Sodom and Gomorrah, for example—on the Son and the Holy Spirit.  He also says that he fully intended Abraham to kill his son, but the others stopped him.  They locked him away for thousands of years, and now he’s back to check things out.  He’s constantly thrilled by the ways human beings have adapted when it comes to technology.  However, he’s disgusted with the greedy, slovenly scumbags human beings have become.  He laughed his way through the New Testament, and now he’s ready to deliver unto the world his Next Testament.  And he’s not fucking around.  The dinner party he throws so he can meet all the world’s most important people in one go is amazing and worth the price of admission on its own.  Ten more issues to go.

THE WALKING DEAD #112:  Of course.  What would Cool Shit be without talking about TWD?  And after last issue, you know this one is going to be fucked up.  Negan gutted Spencer, and now he’s kicking back and relaxing, ready to surprise Rick.  In the last few issues, Rick has been gathering his forces in an attempt to stage a coup.  But now that Negan has surprised him, he decides to jump the gun.  And then we find out just how cunning Negan really is.  Things get really intense by the end of this issue.  Next month will surely bring a lot of death.  Personally, I think Rick’s going to get the iron treatment.  It’s been a while since a major character has been mutilated . . . .

Incidentally, fuck the Governor.  Negan is by far the greatest villain of this series.  A part of me wants Kirkman to kill Rick off and use Negan as the protagonist instead.  I just hope that whenever his story is inevitably revealed, it’s not lame.