GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #995: THE CORRUPTION PERCEPTIONS INDEX

 Ever wonder how truly corrupt your country is? Luckily there's a website that keeps track of these things! It's called the Corruption Perceptions Index, and there's a pretty good method of scoring each country. The one unfortunate thing is, it's not very up-to-date. Right now the most recent data is from 2024.

But what you really want to know is how badly the United States is doing. Not nearly as bad as you would think! On a scale of 0 to 100, where 0 is exceptional corruption and 100 is corruption-free, we scored 65. We're down four points from 2023, but that's still not as bad as I'd expected. But what I really want to know is our score now.

I wonder how many points Trump 2.0 has cost us. Before he was sent back to the Oval Office, corruption was something to be ashamed of. It had to be hidden somehow. Swept under the proverbial rug. But now? He's flat-out saying everything that the other presidents have kept to themselves. Corruption is not just allowed now, but it's encouraged. If you're clean, you're doing it wrong. Corruption is the word of the day. The bolder, the better. Remember when Trump said he could shoot a man on Fifth Avenue and get away with it? I'll bet he could. I wonder why he hasn't. Perhaps he doesn't want his pristine hands to get dirty. Let that filthy drunk*, Hegseth, do it for him. Hegseth almost hurt someone with an axe on live TV once. He would probably be into it.

In a world where old folks and veterans are treated like shit, where we're currently rolling back the civil rights movement possibly to the Jim Crow days (or further back; when will Trump retcon the Emancipation Proclamation?), where authority figures are trying to outdo each other when it comes to cruelty and hatred, corruption is the biggest problem we're dealing with now. Number one with a bullet that sadly went astray in Butler, PA. Not that his death would end any of this. We're going to have to put the goddam leeches on them. ALL OF THEM. To get this to stop. ICE is the new SS. The American way of life is almost over and done. If you don't think we live in a fascist society, then you haven't been paying attention. The only thing keeping the country I grew up with alive are a handful of judges and, holy fuck, comedians doing parody news shows.

The Fifth Amendment guarantees us due process. Due process no longer exists. I mean, it does, for certain people. But if due process doesn't apply to everyone, then it applies to no one. An argument could be made that those who had due process taken from them were in the country illegally, which makes them criminals. But the people who make that argument are using laws as an excuse to abuse people who have no recourse. If they're criminals, then we can treat them as poorly as we want.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Every single person on the planet has broken not just one but many laws throughout their lives. We're all criminals. Should we all be sent to El Salvador? Speaking of, Kilmar Abrego Garcia is never going to come back. Trump and Friends have a vested interest in keeping him there. I think things would look bad if they pulled an Epstein on him, so he'll probably stay alive, but if they brought him home? He'd be the face of a movement strong enough to destroy Trump. Hence his continued absence.

Trump advised that asshole in El Salvador to build more prisons because he wants to send a lot more people. I believe it was he and Marco Rubio (Little Marco?) who said something along the lines of, citizens should be deported if their beliefs don't align with the administration's. So I'm sure I'd be on that list of people to send to El Salvador. You might be, too, just for reading this.

I don't know how often the CPI gets updated, but I'm guessing we'll have our numbers at the end of the year. If the US is still there, that is. It's already on its deathbed. Perhaps the patient will have passed by then.

I hope not.

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*Yes, I was once a filthy drunk. But unlike this prick, I have never, in my deepest and darkest depths of drunkenness, thought I should be the Secretary of Defense.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #992: A NEW AGE OF FORGOTTEN KNOWLEDGE

 Ever watch LOTR: The Rings of Power? I honestly can't recommend it as a show. For the most part it's a slog. A boring slog. And I've read the Silmarillion twice! But there are some truly great moments on the show. Like, mind-blowing moments. True moments of greatness. My favorite part so far has been in season 2 when Celebrimbor is glamored by Sauron. While Celebrimbor's people are fighting a grim battle for survival outside his walls, Sauron has him believing that everything is fine, and that he's doing great work in creating the titular rings of power. But soon Celebrimbor figures out that he's been tricked, and that his patron is actually Morgoth's ol' lieutenant. And that's when shit gets real grim.

Celebrimbor turns against Sauron, and for his efforts he watches as his life's work is thrown into a fire. It's one of the most horrifying scenes in the show. I know that might not have much of an effect on others, but to see knowledge destroyed is the worst crime that can be committed, I believe. This knowledge is written only on those scrolls. Celebrimbor also has that knowledge in his head, but, well.

(Spoiler alert)

Human progress is really the most important thing we're capable of. Rape used to be a common tool of war back in the days when battles were fought with swords and spears. When you invade an enemy, you're supposed to kill every man in sight and rape every woman you can find. That was not just socially acceptable, it was encouraged by warlords. That horrible feeling you've got in your guts right now, reading this paragraph? That's human progress. Because you *don't* want to think of rape as something that's supposed to happen. Humanity worked a fucking long time to get to this point (tens, possibly hundreds, of thousands of years), but we got there.

When you destroy knowledge, you don't just stop human progress. You regress. If you don't believe me, think about the Dark Ages. In England, for example, the Romans had been gone for so long that no one knew how those roads were built or by whom. Without that knowledge, things turned to shit. When the Renaissance came, it was a breath of fresh air. Human progress was back on the menu.

I know this may come as a shock to you, but I'm offended by the mere existence of the Trump Administration. He and his court of lowlifes and scumbags and fuckfaces and dipshits are guilty of a lot of horrible crimes, but I think one of the worst is what he's doing to America. He wants to reverse human progress. I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to make rape a common tool of humanity, not just of war, where men rule and women obey. White men, that is. No one else need apply. And there's another thing right there. We've come so far with race. If you say something racist in public (in most places, I should amend), people are going to stare daggers at you. Unless you're in the current White House, of course.

His attack on the Department of Education and putting RFK Jr in charge of healthcare is the equivalent of destroying knowledge. Trump's chief tool is lying relentlessly so those of weaker minds, the ones who fall for his Jedi mind trick, hang on his every word. When you lie so often and so hard, knowledge is your real enemy. So why not put an antivaxxer in charge of keeping people healthy? Vaccines are proven to work. If they didn't, we'd still be succumbing to small pox. When was the last time you saw someone in an iron lung? But the guy in charge of health has decreed that we're regressing to the old days when disease could kill you at any moment. As for education, I think this says everything for me:

By destroying the Department of Education, Trump is trying to trap you into a shit life with no hope of escape. You will obey. You won't know any other way.

And it sucks that everyone destroyed their files and went digital because now you can twiddle that shit on the back end, like a corporation changing prices on a digital sign when they know you've just been paid, or a fast food restaurant in their app. Except now the authorities can change our perception of reality by just changing digital documents.

I think the real reason Trump moved the Declaration of Independence to the Oval Office was so no one could actually read the original document. Meanwhile, they can change what the document says because who is going to go to the library to look up the Declaration of Independence if they want to read it? In this day and age, you're going to google it, and Google can just tell you what Trump wants it to tell you. They already changed the name of the Gulf of Mexico, and they did that before our very eyes. Imagine the digital shit him and his band of assholes can get up to now.

If we don't impeach him (or give him the Mussolini treatment) we're going to wind up in a world where no one knows anything. They have to go to the authorities to get that info. And there is no way of fomenting a revolution to save ourselves at that point. Revolution? What's that? America was always here, from the start of civilization. King George III? He had nothing to do with us. He tried to invade us once, but we were too strong for him and sent his redcoats packing. Per Trump, we've been allies of Rome since the ancient days. How long before something like that ends up in a history textbook? If he has his way, not long.

Knowledge is one of the most important things we can have. We need more of it, not less. Those who would throw Celebrimbor's scrolls in a fire are the lowest scum on the planet. Perhaps El Salvador has room for Trump?

That would ordinarily be the end of the column, but I was looking for a meme that would show Trump talking about being allied with Italy since Ancient Rome. Instead I found this. It's very interesting. I enjoy comparing our modern life to Ancient Rome, particularly the Decline and Fall. But there's one throwaway comment in there that made me think about Trump's obsession with the border. I mean, we all understand why he's going off on Mexico, as awful as that might be, but the shit he's pulling with Canada? That's left field shit. The article talks about the black market created by Ancient Rome's tariffs and how traders got around them. I anticipate a new black market being born. It may already exist! But more importantly, cracking down on the borders would, indeed, make it harder for those traders. As my character, Slate, likes to say, "It's something to consider."

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #983: A BLIND PIG FINDS AN ACORN

 It's been a while since Rand Paul reared his ugly head in the news, but he's like the proverbial blind pig. He finds an acorn every once in while, and he found one that no one else is talking about, and I've been wondering this for a while.

Make no mistake. Rand Paul is a shit weasel. Always has been, always will be. He was in the Tea Party when that pack of clowns was around. He mentioned once that he would have challenged the Civil Rights Act of 1964 (when called on it, much like a weasel, he weaseled out of it). He made it his mission in life to kill the ACA. He has a serious plagiarism problem. He's typically buddies with Trump and was among the true believers who barked rabidly that the election in 2020 was stolen. So let's not label him one of the good guys just yet.

BUT! He had this to say about Trump's tariffs:

The whole [tariffs] debate is so fundamentally backwards & upside down. It's based on a fallacy & the fallacy is this: that somehow in a trade, someone must lose. That somehow when you trade with someone, someone is taking advantage of you... I have a trade deficit with my grocery store

That right there is proof that he read The Art of the Deal by Tony Schwartz. I mean, Trump. Right. Anyway, Trump "states" in the book that in every deal there is a winner and a loser, and he will do everything in his power to not lose.

Which explains why he's pulling his pud over tariffs. TRUMP THINKS THERE MUST BE A WINNER OR A LOSER IN A TRADE DEAL. If you want to read Rand Paul explaining how trade works in the world, you can do so here. We are all adults, though, so I'm going to assume that we all know how trade works, and it's painfully clear that it doesn't work like Trump thinks.

Trump sent the stock exchange to Hell simply because he didn't pay attention in school.

Wait, did he mean "Make America Grate Again," instead? If so, he's doing a stellar job. Top shelf.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #965: FUCKIN' *NOW WHAT?!?!?!?!?!*

 I swear, these aren't all going to be political. Last night wasn't, right? That was about Clint Eastwood's new film! I have a notebook full of topics, but then this fucking shit happened. Incidentally, I've been reading a lot of articles where people interviewed are only talking on the condition of anonymity. That's a good indication of how fucked we are as a society when somewhat powerful people can't bear to have their names associated with their beliefs. We're edging into 1984 territory, here.

Musk and his swine have come for the US Treasury. I'm a little surprised it took this long for the hunger to start gnawing at Scrooge McDuck's insides, but he's finally going after money in the US, specifically how the US pays out money.

The acting Secretary of the Treasury was, until very recently, David Lebryk. He has retired because he's sick of fighting the DOGE scavengers constantly scratching at his door, wanting access to the payment system. There aren't a lot of details, as Lebryk isn't talking, and DOGE has refused to respond to a request for comment from the Fourth Estate, but it would seem that DOGE has been asking for access to this system since Inauguration Day: Part Deux. Why is this system so important? Here's an excerpt from one of the articles I read:

Typically only a small number of career officials control Treasury’s payment systems. Run by the Bureau of the Fiscal Service, the sensitive systems control the flow of more than $6 trillion annually to households, businesses and more nationwide. Tens, if not hundreds, of millions of people across the country rely on the systems, which are responsible for distributing Social Security and Medicare benefits, salaries for federal personnel, payments to government contractors and grant recipients and tax refunds, among tens of thousands of other functions.

So yeah, pretty important stuff. Considering DOGE's true purpose, it's only a matter of time before Musk gets his grubby mittens on it, and that's when he will wield true power within the US government. Apparently apartheid can get you very far in the world. I wonder if he looks back at the end of those times in South Africa with rage, wondering how the gravy train ended. Never mind, his head is leaning more toward creating new gravy trains here, and getting his hands on this payment system will do the trick. One of those functions stands out, however. Salaries for federal personnel?

Considering the administration has been rabidly hunting federal employees, it wouldn't surprise me to learn that they want to withhold their pay, which they fucking earned, to hold them over a barrel and make them do something. Or not do something. Either way, it's extortion.

Here's another excerpt, an important one, I think.

Still, the possibility that government officials might try to use the federal payments system - which essentially functions as the nation’s “checking book” - to enact a political agenda is unprecedented, said Mark Mazur, who served in senior treasury roles during the Obama and Biden administrations.

“This is a mechanical job - they pay Social Security benefits, they pay vendors, whatever. It’s not one where there’s a role for nonmechanical things, at least from the career standpoint. Your whole job is to pay the bills as they’re due,” Mazur said. “It’s never been used in a way to execute a partisan agenda. … You have to really put bad intentions in place for that to be the case.”

Bad intentions? I think that might be Musk's middle name*.

OK, one more from that article, and then we're going to move on.

Musk has characterized the rising national debt as an existential threat to the country and has proved willing to break norms in service of sweeping change.

Huh. In my opinion *he* is the existential threat to the country. According to CNN, he spent about a quarter-billion dollars getting Trump elected so Musk could be in the position he's in today. In case you're having a difficult time deciphering that sentence, yes, I'm saying it is my opinion that Elon Musk bought Trump an election, and he bought himself a position in government. This used to be called bribery and was exceptionally illegal. It technically still is, but as I've stated previously, the rules no longer apply. In a just world, Trump would have to divest himself of all his personal businesses. The only money he's supposed to make in the Oval Office is his presidential salary. Paid, by the way, by the system Musk lusts for. Yet Trump can't possibly bring himself to stop selling tchotchkes and knick-knacks and other bullshit, like his Bible with the Constitution, etc., in it. Typically I'd laugh at deeply moral Christians buying Bibles from the Anti-Christ, but I doubt I'm the first to make that joke, nor would I be the last. Because it's not that funny. This is the shit that helped him get in the position he's in. To say nothing of the unfettered, shameless, greed-grabbing scam that is TRUMPCOIN. And I thought the NFTs were too much.

Yes, the Founding Fathers were disingenuous when they said "We the People," but holy fuck, never in their wildest nightmares could they imagine the unadulterated graft going on in Washington, DC, today. Only Benjamin Franklin might come close, but not even he would believe--

You get the point.

Musk, the real existential threat to the country, also recently stated that Teslas are probably never going to be able to fully self drive themselves. Read about it here. I bring this up because he's been lying to stockholders for years about this. He's dedicated himself to the falsehood that if you own a Tesla, you will be able to let it drive itself. That falsehood has suckered a lot of investors who don't seem to understand this lie even now. But he admitted it finally. Why break down like that?

I think for the same reason you don't hear him talking about Mars anymore. He wanted to go to Mars because he reasoned, fairly well, that he would be the first one to get there. As such, he would get to make the rules. I've gone over this before, I think, but he's given up on Mars because he can bend *this* planet to his will. So far he's made a compelling argument. Why yes, being the richest motherfucker on the earth *does* have its privileges. Look where he's at right now. Aside from some red tape, he's the owner of this planet. Who among us will buy it away from him?

He doesn't need Tesla anymore, so fuck it, why not come clean? It's better that he not spend so much time there, anyway. He's got DOGE duties. The rest of his businesses just took a backseat.

Also, I noticed a tiny little story fly by about Trump going after electric cars. Musk had to know that about him going in, so maybe he's just letting Tesla go so he can focus his energies elsewhere. I wonder how that will go over with the shareholders? Wouldn't it be insane if Musk sold off all his interest in Tesla? Hell, with his fucked up sense of humor, he might do it for a laugh.

This is Friday night, and I'm talking about this shit instead of going to sleep like I should. So I'm going to stop haranguing you with this. It's fucked. We're fucked. There's nothing we can do about it short of a bloody and violent revolution. Everyone knows this.

So let's end on a pleasant note.

Every night, when I get into bed to watch some TV before I fall asleep, I get on my side, and that does something to my body. My back lurches. It crackles. There might even be a loud hollow crack! It is one of the most pleasurable experiences of my life, currently. It's the highlight of my day. I look forward to it. Because my back pain sucks. The doctor thinks the spinal injections might not be good enough, so who knows what the future holds for me? But that moment when it all goes away all because I put my body in that position? It's the best.

And I can't force it. I've tried. It has to happen naturally. But it's great.

OK, so that wasn't much of a pleasant note, as it's only pleasant for me, but life isn't all doom and gloom. It's just *mostly* doom and gloom. Gotta find your moments, and this is mine.

I'm off to have my backgasm.

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*It's Reeve. Not sure how that snuck into a name like "Elon Musk," which sounds like it belongs to one of the aliens at the Mos Eisley Cantina.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #961: DOGE CONTINUES TO SUCK MY BALLS

 

Gaze upon what is possibly the stupidest logo for a government department ever conceived. It looks like something from a stock photo site, but it's the official logo of the Dept. of Government Efficiency, or fucking DOGE, one of Musk's obsessions. We should perhaps come up with a list of things he likes waaaaaay too much. Like the doge meme, for example. The letter X. Mars, or a world that he can mold to his liking. It doesn't have to be Mars. It could be the planet we're on now in the present time. Never mind, I don't like spending that much time thinking about his desires.

Judging by everything you've seen in the news, what would you say is the main purpose of DOGE? I expected it to be about Musk and whoever else poring through the government, looking for organizations and regulators to cut, er, I mean, stuff the government spends too much money on. For all intents and purposes, this is what they continue to talk about when referring to DOGE. There are even news stories making fun of DOGE for being too far behind on their job already.

But this is *not* the purpose of DOGE. In fact, the stated purpose is so vastly different from what we were told that I have no choice but to believe that, no, it wasn't an error. They're flatout lying to us.

Big surprise, I know. Makes you wonder if there's any truth over at Truth Social . . .

If you want to know what they're really up to, it helps if you read the stuff they release. A president can't equivocate when it comes to wording executive orders, so why not read the executive order that created DOGE? Give it a shot here.

There's a lot of stuff there, but this is the relevant part:

Section 1.  Purpose.  This Executive Order establishes the Department of Government Efficiency to implement the President’s DOGE Agenda, by modernizing Federal technology and software to maximize governmental efficiency and productivity.

Nothing about cutting the CFPB there. So if Musk is still doing that, he doesn't have authorization for it. If you see him doing that kind of work, you must stop him immediately. Explain the paragraph you just read like he was 5 years old. He is, effectively, five years old. Draw pictures if you need to. Make goofy faces and sounds with your mouth to make sure he continues to pay attention. If all else fails, show him a doge meme.

Remember when a conflict of interest was important? Anything goes these days.

So what is DOGE *really* supposed to be doing? Modernizing tech always sounds like a good idea. If you have tech stuff to do, you'd rather have top of the line, hot off the press shit, right? It sounds reasonable, but it is my suspicion that Musk is really building backdoors into all the IT infrastructure so even if he's no longer in the government (and I guess technically he is), he would have no problem getting back into the government's shit and then doing whatever it is he plans to do. Wield his conflict of interest like a club? Steal tech from competitors through government contacts? Cut corners and red tape in one fell swoop? Borrow some data and maybe use it to manipulate the stock market? Or worse, sell it to Putin? There's a lot he can do with that kind of thing. I'm sure Trump is under the illusion that Musk is doing this for the good of his master, but Musk could royally fuck Trump up if he wanted to. If Trump maybe didn't like something Musk did. Instead of throwing a fit like he usually does, why not just step through that backdoor and sabotage a few things?

Trump's followers apparently call him daddy. Mel fucking Gibson called him daddy at least once. Trump might seem like the daddy, but if Musk is allowed to continue working on the true purpose of DOGE, then Trump is going to find himself living in a trailer park raising Don Jr and Eric on food stamps. Which would bring a great sense of schadenfreude to me, of course. I'm a huge fan of schadenfreude.

But I don't think MAGA will suffer like everyone seems to think they will. A massive amount of people who should know better are underestimating these cocksuckers. I'll give you an example. Everyone on the left seems to believe that Trump can't end birthright citizenship. It's enshrined in the 14th Amendment, as Evil John Bruni recently explained (poorly, I might add). I don't mean to alarm you, but you should be alarmed. Granted, only one amendment has been repealed thus far (the 18th by the 21st), but do you think that can't happen again? All it takes is one asshole in the House to propose the bill, then for the House, owned by Trump, to pass it to the Senate, also owned by Trump. Then, and only then, will the amendment land on . . . who's desk? Sure, he could veto it, but do you think he will?

Goodbye birthright citizenship.

If they can do that to one amendment, what about the rest? What about the 1st? I'll allow that doing so would be a bright burning red flag declaring they are, indeed, evil, but what else have they been doing so far? I can't think of a single thing they've done that is actually good. Even Nixon did something good every now and then. All these assholes do is bitch and moan and steal rights away from others. None of that can even remotely be viewed as good.

Stop underestimating these swine. The rules you're familiar with no longer apply. You're living in a different world than you did on January 19, 2025. MAGA is not fucking around, and we shouldn't, either. They demonstrably lied to us. I proved it tonight. The thing that gets me most, though, is that proof doesn't matter, either. The choir will concur, as is their solemn duty, but the people who *need* to be shown the error of their ways will never believe it. MAGA is a brainwashed cult even worse than a cult, as they currently have the reins of government in this country. Imagine if Charles Manson suddenly took over California in the 'Seventies. That's the kind of thing we're dealing with, here. Do you think his children would listen to sense?

Trump's children won't, either.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #955: THE RUMP IS STILL IN TRUMP

I stand against every president we've ever had. But Trump has my special interest. I will stand against Trump for as long as I have breath. For as long as he's in the White House. For as long as he has a breath to utter his crazy and evil bullshit. --me, Goodnight, Fuckers #252

That quote is from a GF written near the end of January 2017, not too long after Trump took office the first time. I've been rereading some of these pieces to get a grip on Inauguration Day: Part Deux, as Trump takes back that office in much the same way Grover Cleveland reclaimed his. Like it or not, Trump sets presidential records. He's got more impeachments than any other president in history, and he's the first presidential felon. For example.

That first time, in 2017, I noted that Trump had the executive and legislative branches, and he almost had the judicial. That was the only thing standing in his way, that one tiny li'l check and balance. He lost Congress at the midterms, but he very shrewdly fixed that judicial problem he had last time. Now he has the whole fuckin' thing. All three branches. No checks and balances. He has, indeed, been given a mandate. I have my doubts about it being from God, but the American people sure seemed eager to give it to him. Trading politically is how politicians survive. It's how citizens make their peace with their electoral choices. And now, I'm flabbergasted if I can see how the American people decided that the economy is more important than people. Then again, this country was made for oligarchs from the start, not the people, so maybe I shouldn't be surprised in the Land of Property Over People. But a lot of folks ought to be ashamed of themselves. They think they're the good guys. When you're doing evil shit, you tend to know it and feel guilty about it, at least a little. When you think you're the good guys doing good deeds? The people trying to stop you, like me, are the evil ones in that scenario.

The fact that Trump is once more in the Oval Office is perverse to me. All the same, what would it be like if Kamala Harris had won? Everything would be kinder, but it wouldn't make much else of a difference. Two heads, one beast.

I don't vote. No, that does *not* mean I can't complain. I am voicing dissent over a system that does not work unless you are upper class. It doesn't work for anyone else. I will not willingly take part in a system that does not give a shit about me or anyone else below a certain salary level. It's a device designed to specifically never change from that primary directive.

"If voting is so inconsequential, why are politicians trying to take that right away from people?" I have to admit, I've thought about that a great deal. Sometimes it even tricks me into backing away from my values. For a couple of years there I'd even started believing the question was an important one, but it isn't. Voting is a good way to distract people, because those votes ultimately don't matter. The Electors decide who is president, and their choice is between two people our corporate overlords have already approved of.

Voting has a second purpose. The true owners of our country have ensured that the president will only ever be a Democrat or a Republican. There is actually only one party, as Gore Vidal tells us: The Property Party. Every four years, I believe our corporate overlords take note of who gets voted in and act accordingly. They floated Trump, the perfect American slob, as a possible dictator in 2016, and we went for it. If we'd reelected him, then hooray! Let's take these suckers for all they're worth. But we went with Biden.

And this time, we went with Trump again. "Oh, they like a dictator, do they?" the cigar-chomping assholes say while having their dicks sucked on their new pedo-island. "Let's give 'em a dictator."

America has chosen fascism, which isn't entirely surprising. Our system is irreparably broken. It works only as a machine to make the rich richer. And we'd better get used to it. Since no one is going to do anything, my advice is to get familiar with cannibalism.

I said something else in that GF I quoted, something about refreshing the tree of liberty, not with the blood of patriots, but of tyrants (the other part of the Jefferson quote that people forget). Voting certainly doesn't work. It only encourages our corporate overlords. So if someone's planning a Tea Party, now's the time.

[I just remembered the Tea Party, as in, the political party. Yeesh. I feel a little sick knowing that some of those swine are still around.]

Trump really is trying to remake America. He can't make it great again. He's nowhere near man enough to figure out how to do that. Please. Putin plays chess. I doubt Trump knows how to even play checkers. You mean to tell me that Trump, the guy who regularly sucks Putin's dick, is going to stop the most villainous dictator currently on the world stage? He couldn't even bluff Droopy Dog *without* the sheriff's badge. But he has a lot of important people backing him up, and he's not making America great again for everyone. America will only be good if you are white, born male (and you stayed that way), hetero and have lots of money. And don't worry about those pesky borders. There won't be any. Canada the 51st state? Taking Greenland and the Panama Canal back? Why stop there when Russia could be the 100th state (when we get around to it)? He's planning big, but he on his own is not a capable man. The capable people are backing the son of a bitch.

I think he intends to rule the world. How do you stand in the way of something like that without prodigious amounts of violence and bloodshed?

America has not been great for a very long time. Our country is in the twilight of its years as the Leader of the Free World (TM). It should be. We started our country with genocide, got it built and kept it moving through "the peculiar institution" and now we have to get rid of all the nonwhites, all the LGBTQ+ people, most of the women. We'll keep the white women. The white men need to reproduce, and it's frowned upon not to stick to one's own race. But if we could get rid of the white women, we would!

It occurs to me that, while these pricks are busy doing that garbage, that we'd be very vulnerable to attack. If the rest of the world ganged up on us, they might actually stand a chance, and that would be their moment to strike. This is, of course, science fiction. A parallel universe where they can all put aside all their differences and tackle the Big Bad together. See? No, that's obviously not *our* world. The Big Bad is the US of A. That's mirror world shit. Right? Someone do a goatee check on me.

When we (mostly McKinley and Theodore Rex) started worrying about our place in the world, just before the beginning of The American Century (please envision those words in an Indiana Jones swoop), we killed thousands of Filipinos (in their own country!) to have a foothold in Asia. How many thousands? No one knows for sure (possibly 200,000), but I suspect we were angry with Hitler for taking the Genocidal World Record from us, which we did, indeed, previously have. This genocide was so wanton that Mark Twain said, in response, that our flag for the Philippines should be an American flag with black stripes instead of white, and a skull and crossbones in the place of stars.

I suspect we may have a use for that flag, ourselves.

Some of you might be saying, "It's only four years. Then some other asshole is going to be in charge." Steve Bannon already floated the idea of getting rid of term limits for Trump. One of his underlings presents it in the House. And so it flies through Congress, which belongs to Trump, all the way up to his very own desk. What's he going to do, veto it? It'll be interesting to see if we actually have an election in 2028. If we do, I'll be surprised if it's a real one, as we very loosely define "real."

One last thing: you might find this amusing, especially when I accuse the 2016 election of being rigged. If you lose an election and don't accuse it of being rigged, did you even run for president? In case you've forgotten I did run for the White House that year as a book promotion, which is why I refer to not even voting for myself. Which book was I promoting? It wasn't Dong of Frankenstein, was it? Dear God, I think it was! It couldn't have been And Jesus Came Back, that was too late. It had to be Dong!

And I *didn't* win?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #944: REAL GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS

 That was fucking intense, but it had to be done. There were no sane responses for what happened last week, so I picked an insane response. I saw myself writing a bunch of Evil Goodnight Fuckers, but I realized rather quickly why that wouldn't work. The best way to describe it is . . . well. OK, I thought I'd take the fight to the enemy and get a Truth Social account. I would then satirize the rich bastards to their faces. Or "faces," I suppose. I wanted to see if admin would eventually step in and ban me. But then people started saying insipid things like, "Your body, my choice." I knew in that moment that everyone over there is most likely to agree with the crazy shit I was going to say. If I said, "Hooray! King Trump says kill the poor! Let's set up camps!" I wouldn't feel good about getting similar declarations from the snake pit, all of them decidedly *not* satire. There may be no way to satrize these fucks.

Where do we go from here? I'm sure we must either kiss the ring of feel the boot on our throats. Or nothing will happen. A lot of Republicans turned on the Trumpster. Hell, the Senate already dismissed his suggestion for Senate Majority Leader. It's possible they'll still be around to stymie him. Make no mistake, the only people in any position to make a difference right now are the Republicans who can't stand him. One of the things currently exciting me is the fact that Trump's own team, not the Republicans I was just talking about, are annoyed with Elon Musk and want him to get the fuck out.

Does any of this even matter? The precious economy is soaring. Gas prices are down. This is all due to Trump getting elected. But things might be different on January 20th. If he actually does live up to his campaign promises, the economy would have no choice but to tank. Sure, the tariffs will ensure that merchants buy American, but that's about a pubic hair's width away from being Communism. But Americans *do* love choice. I wonder how the oligarchs will feel about importing a Lamborghini and having to pay tariffs out the ass for it. Or will they once again be exempt from the rules? The funny thing, though, is American companies who manufacture overseas, like Lincoln cars, will still have to pay the tariff to import their own products. Ain't that a kick in the ass?

American economics are about to get bent over, and as someone who despises American economics, I'm here for it. Typically I'd make a comment about how I'd love to see Trump flounder with this problem, but he never flounders. People let him get away with EVERYTHING. And he knows it. I'll bet he really could shoot a man on Fifth Avenue in NYC and get away with it, especially if that man is Joe Biden. He could be caught in mid-rape on live television, and hey, it's just Donnie bein' Donnie, lol. The closest he's ever come to accountability is an assassin's bullet.

(Speaking of which, how is Kyle Gass doing? Hollywood Jables chose voicing cartoon characters over his friend and music partner for decades because of this shit weasel. (I'm regular John Bruni now. FUCK SHIT WEASELS!))

I'm tired. A lot of people are. To cope with it all, we might have to embrace the apocalypse . . .

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #941: THE DUKE OF MAMMON

 

Tomorrow is Weasel Stomping Day, so this is my last chance to shit-talk Donald Trump as a presidential candidate, at least until he returns in four years to make our lives a living hell again. If you are still somehow on the fence about this guy, it is my intention tonight to try to get you to vote for someone else. Anyone else. Is Ross Perot running again? Vote for him.*

Back when I was in college JFK, Jr., created a magazine called George, named after the first president of our nation (as opposed to the King we fought a revolution against?). His intention was to explore where politics and pop culture meet. It was an interesting idea at the time, so I subscribed. It turned out to be a very uninteresting magazine, though, so I let the subscription lapse after a year. I think it would have been a lot more interesting today, in a world where politics and pop culture are inextricably linked to one another.

As you may know I've been cleaning out my house since my grandma's death, expecting to be kicked out at any moment by the bank who now owns it. So I've been exploring a lot, and I found my old issues of George. (Not, sadly, the one the MAGA douchebags point to as evidence that JFK, Jr., was supposed to come back and be Trump's running mate. I think that one, worth thousands (as opposed to this one, worth hundreds), was a couple of months before my subscription started.) One of them stood out from the rest of them: the issue pictured above.

(Please note, in the bottom left-hand corner, these words: THE TRUMPSTER. I'm pretty sure it was the editor who came up with that idiotic nonsense. If you're too young, there was an inexplicable time in our history when adding -ster to anything was cool. It was not actually cool. It was incredibly stupid at the time, so I'm going to take to calling him the Trumpster until he dies.)

As we were living under the threat of another Trumpster Administration at the time (and still are, at least until tomorrow) I thought it would be an important article to read. It was most illuminating. I'm not going to say much myself in this, just some commentary here and there. These are pictures I took of the article at various times. There's also a bonus section at the bottom for the unfortunately named "First Babes."

Let's start off with why I've called this column such:

This portrait of the Trumpster hangs in Mar-a-Lago, a chintzy Florida property he bought up way-back-when and covered with the cheap gilt shit he puts on everything. He bragged about putting a million down to buy it, but we know what his brags are really about. If you don't, you will shortly. But just for a second, let's pretend that the Trumpster (which nearly rhymes with "Dumpster," by the way, very apropos considering his recent jaunt in a garbage truck) was a normal person. Like a dude who lived down the street from you. Could you imagine going into such a neighbor's house and being confronted with this gaudy painting of himself? Could you take him seriously? I certainly couldn't. But the Trumpster was Not Serious when all this started. More on that in a moment.

This article was published in 2000, back when he was running for president the second time. I don't have much info about that first time (you'll see that little bit of info in a moment), but this time a reporter was smart enough to ask him why he was running.

The Trumpster, not being all that bright, told him the truth. (Or, as Gore Vidal would say, he "gave away the game.")

Wait, he was running for president as a PROMOTIONAL TOOL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! So then . . . what about that first time he ran?

OK, let's stop for a moment. He ran for president the first time to bring visibility to his book? HE RAN FOR PRESIDENT AS A BOOK PROMOTION?!?!?!?!?! That son of a--wait a minute. That sounds kind of familiar. OK, yeah, I ran for president as a book promotion once. I, uh, don't have a lot of shade to throw on that one, I guess.

The first argument against this is, the Trumpster already has a lot of money. Why would he need to get more? Boy, do I have news for you about our corporate overlords! But here's a few thoughts on the Trumpster's personal worth as "presidential material":

That's not bad. Not bad at all. That's definitely worth telling a few lies over.

The Trumpster ran again between then and 2016, much with the same result: bowing out of the race with the ability to rent condos worth millions instead of hundreds of thousands. But 2016 changed everything. Do you remember how he conducted himself back then? There was no way that dude was serious. Even in 2000 everyone knew he was not a serious contender.

What went wrong in 2016? To ensure that he was not going to get elected, he said just about anything and everything he could imagine that would turn people off. My theory is, he didn't count on how many pieces of shit we have in this country who want a racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic (except Russia and Germany (specifically Nazi Germany)) garbage man as their Commander-in-Chief. He was not pleased when he won the White House. Perhaps these passages from George are the explanation as to why. And if you doubt his rage upon becoming the most powerful man in the world, here are a couple of quotes. The first is from author Mary Jordan, Melania Trumpster's biographer.

“The election night win came as a surprise even to Trump, according to many on his campaign, and little preparation had been done for what came next. Trump had even talked about going to one of his golf courses in Scotland immediately after the election so he didn’t have to watch Hillary Clinton bask in her success. One campaign aide recalled that candidate Trump had ‘told the pilot [of his private jet], ‘Fuel up the plane.’ “

Or how about this from author Michael Wolff? ("Their" being the Trumpster campaign.)

Their unexpected adventure would soon be over. Not only would Trump not be president, almost everyone in the campaign agreed, he should probably not be. Conveniently, the former conviction meant nobody had to deal with the latter issue.

As the campaign came to an end, Trump himself was sanguine. His ultimate goal, after all, had never been to win. “I can be the most famous man in the world,” he had told his aide Sam Nunberg at the outset of the race. His longtime friend Roger Ailes, the former head of Fox News, liked to say that if you want a career in television, first run for president. Now Trump, encouraged by Ailes, was floating rumors about a Trump network. It was a great future. He would come out of this campaign, Trump assured Ailes, with a far more powerful brand and untold opportunities.

“This is bigger than I ever dreamed of,” he told Ailes a week before the election. “I don’t think about losing, because it isn’t losing. We’ve totally won.”

That's pretty tasty, but here's the best part of Wolff's assessment:

Shortly after 8 p.m. on Election Night, when the unexpected trend — Trump might actually win — seemed confirmed, Don Jr. told a friend that his father, or DJT, as he calls him, looked as if he had seen a ghost. Melania was in tears — and not of joy.

There was, in the space of little more than an hour, in Steve Bannon’s not unamused observation, a befuddled Trump morphing into a disbelieving Trump and then into a horrified Trump. But still to come was the final transformation: Suddenly, Donald Trump became a man who believed that he deserved to be, and was wholly capable of being, the president of the United States.

Let's pause a minute to contemplate the fact that Don Jr. calls his dad DJT. Seriously. DJT? Your dad? It makes me wonder what Donald called Fred Christ the First. A few funny things occur to me, but in all reality Fred strikes me as the kind of dad who would accept nothing less than "sir" from any of his children.

The whole article is a great read. It's part of Wolff's bigger book on the topic. But tomorrow's Weasel Stomping Day. Treat yourself.

So the Trumpster accidentally became President. I'm pretty sure it was at that point when the privilege we witnessed during Fred C. Trump III's discussion of his uncle manifested. Suddenly the Trumpster was not just the US President; God had meant to put him there. He was now on a mission from God. And that's what all this nonsense he's spewing now in 2024 is about. He recognizes that garbage talk got him into the White House, and now he's hoping it will do the same again.

(It just now occurs to me that I said I wasn't going to say much, that I would only add commentary here and there. Whoops!)

But George isn't done. While the author of the article points out all these insanities in the Trumpster's character, he also makes it clear that he admires said Trumpster for it. It is his opinion that the Trumpster is America. The 2016 election results seem to bear that out.

Lest ye forget, the Trumpster is never as rich as he says he is. Even his 2016 campaign made comments about how cheap he was being with his own money. Why should Americans invest in the Trumpster (who is really America)?

Thankfully I'm not the only one out there telling you how much of a shit person the Trumpster is. Note to self: Find and read The Lost Tycoon.

Because Blogger is being a piece of shit right now and won't let me continue with the next picture without fucking the rest of my formatting, I need to put this line here. Continue please.

How can anyone vote for this dipshit with a straight face? He has flat-out told everyone he's a conman. But the Trumpster has learned Samuel Johnson's lesson well: "Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel." At the end of the day, there is no real justification for voting for this grifter. Are you really that far gone as a human being that you have to vote for a scarecrow stuffed with empty promises?

I'll let the article have the last thought on this. It's not meant to be a condemnation, but it can very well be taken as one.

ADDENDUM:

There's a sidebar to this article that's actually a two page spread called the "First Babes." It's a list of women the Trumpster has been with, along with weirdly distorted pictures of them. I'm not sure what the point of that was. I mean, I can guess. Let's impress everyone with all the hot chicks the Donald has fucked! But if so, why the distorted pictures? What this sidebar does instead, I think, is denigrate those women. Editorial sure didn't give much of a fuck about them beyond objectifying them. Here's a sampling with Melania saved for last.

A noble sentiment, to be sure, but, ah . . . well.

Does it surprise me that the Trumpster doesn't know anything about Black culture? Do I need to go over how ignorant he is of history again? But as far as Ivana goes, I couldn't check up on her. For obvious reasons. (There seems to be some evidence that Trump can't recognize his wives in pictures. To borrow a joke from Seth Meyers, is it possible that he's not cheating? That he thinks he's just sleeping with his wife when he's not?)

I find this one fairly disturbing, but not for the reasons you think. A lot of people give Melania a pass because of who she's married to. I don't . . . because of who she's married to. I have another picture regarding that, but I want to mention the part about her having broken up with the Trumpster between the interview for the article and the publication of the article. All the same, take a look at that magazine cover from the top again. Notice someone else in that picture? Here's the full image found inside the issue.

Isn't that a little weird? Creepy, even? That Melania had broken up with the Trumpster, and yet here is George still using that image as if to prove, hell yeah, hot chicks dig this guy! If I were Melania, I would have sued the magazine over this. But I don't feel too bad for her. You shouldn't, either. After all, who is she married to right now? Also, she knew exactly what she was getting into:

If you still think voting for this cumstain is going to make America great (again?) or is going to take back America (from whom?), you're out of your mind. As previously discussed in GF, America hasn't been great since 1950. Who didn't have many rights back then? Oh yes. Now it becomes clear. It's not a docile zoo elephant. It's one of Hannibal's war elephants. If you wanted to travel back to that shameful era of American history, why didn't you just build a time machine? It would be a lot easier . . .

*Ross Perot is dead?! Why didn't anyone tell me this?! Anyway, you should still vote for him.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #938: A LAUNDRY LIST OF LOSERS

 In most countries the best and brightest go into politics. Here in the US they go into business. To quote Gore Vidal, "Why be a senator when you can buy Congress?" No, our politics attract the dumbest and the dullest. Take a look at who gets elected. They're all fuckin' stupid. They're dedicated to agendas for immediate change, but they're not capable of thinking far enough ahead. They don't think of the consequences for their actions. They only care that they did something. Let history figure out if it was good, just so long as they're remembered. But their worst feature is their devotion to traditional family values. (One man, several wives and a bunch of concubines?) They can't adapt to change.

Pop quiz, hotshot. Who was the last *great* president we had?

Biden? The jury's out still, but I'm doubtful. Trump? Don't make me laugh. Obama? He was mediocre and business as usual. Bush II? He was a nightmare. Clinton? He's a horrible person, but he was a good president. Not great, though. Bush I? He was the embodiment of a facepalm. Reagan? He was an actively shitty president who sold us out to our corporate overlords, but because he knew how to deliver a line (when will Hollywood stay out of politics?), so no one noticed. Because of him we have the current housing crisis, which is actually a *money* crisis, but . . . not now. Focus.

Carter? He was ineffectual. Ford? He was ho-hum. Nixon? He was a great *politician* but a godawful president. LBJ? He endorsed the American Nightmare(TM). JFK? He could have been our worst president. He wanted to escalate in Vietnam, not deescalate as most think. A lot of people would put him at #1 with a bullet. Him or Lincoln. Instead JFK was pretty but useless. Ike? He was more motivated to golf than to govern. Truman? He fucked us so royally that it took us 40 years to unfuck it, and we technically didn't do it on our own. Special thanks to the Soviet Union for being polite enough to economically collapse, thus letting us win the Cold War.

FDR? Yes. Now we're talking. He was the last great president. He gave us the American Empire even if his successors squandered it for literally nothing. RIP America's Greatness (1945-1950). He was such a great president that he essentially became our dictator. Not our first. That would be Lincoln. (A story for another day!)

Despite this laundry list of losers, we somehow think our presidents know best, that if they weren't smart they wouldn't be in charge. Given 45's excessive stupidity, this is a disturbing thing. Because Trump is worse than ignorant. He is *willfully* ignorant. He's the opposite of Tyrion Lannister: he does not drink and he does not know things.

We all know the quote about those who don't remember history and what they're condemned to do, but what if you *never* knew history, so it's impossible to remember it?

Remember when he said that the Founding Fathers won the Revolution by seizing the airports? That wasn't an isolated incident. The reason he was impeached the first time was because he sought Ukraine's help in finding dirt on Joe Biden's son in exchange for military aid. Col. Alexander Vindman was present for that conversation, and it was he who reported his concerns to the NSC, hence us knowing about it. He told us about a few things that Trump didn't understand about history. Apparently Trump didn't know about WWII:

Retired U.S. Army lieutenant colonel and Trump impeachment witness Alexander Vindman mocked the former president on Thursday for what he saw as the Republican’s limited historical knowledge, after Trump seemed to describe just learning about WWII history during a recent campaign stop.

Here's a few other things he has trouble with. He just learned Lincoln was a Republican. He thought Canada burned the White House down and even asked Justin Trudeau about it. And, well, here's a good quote from, of all things, Business Insider:

Merkel explained to Trump at the G20 summit that she participated in antinuclear protests in East Germany in the 1980s and that her colleagues in West Germany opposed stationing US missiles in Europe, the book says. The German leader "patiently and even humorously laid out all of this and how the risk of a US-Soviet nuclear war had been the all-encompassing topic of her youth," Hill writes.

Trump's conversation with Merkel "was the first time" he had "ever listened to the Europeans' perspective on the 1980s and heard why US-Russian arms-control negotiations were important to them as well," the book adds. "It was clear that none of this had ever occurred to him before," it says.

But what I truly like is this quote from John Kelly:

"He leaned over to me and whispered, 'The problem is the president doesn't know any of this,'" Kelly said, according to Hill's book. "He doesn't know any history at all, even some of the basics on the US."

I understand that I'm an oddball. I am not a historian, but whereas most of my fellow Americans have an aversion to the topic, I'm drawn to it. We must not have a president ignorant of history. We had Trump for four years, and we lucked out. He didn't fuck anything up beyond repair. But if he gets his second term, all bets are off. What's he going to do, run for reelection? If he "won" three times, why not go for FDR's record of 4? Or perhaps he can beat it with 5? Could he resist such temptation?

I know this seems petty compared to the other awful shit he's done, but history is more important than most realize. It tells us how we got into this mess, which is helpful when trying to find a way *out* of this mess.

A US president *needs* to know history. Don't put this clown back in the Oval Office.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #916: AROUND THE BEND

"Donald was the kind of child who could drive almost anyone around the bend."
-Fred Trump III

 

Fred Trump III is the son of Fred Trump, Jr., meaning his grandfather was Fred Christ Trump himself. (Yes, his middle name was Christ. If you don't believe me, look it up.) Which makes Fred III Donald Trump's nephew, and you don't have to listen to Fred for very long before you realize that he's not a fan. He wrote a book called All in the Family, and I read an excerpt a while back. I thought that now that we're getting close to the final month of the election, this would be a good time to bring it up.

Fred III starts out mentioning his name and how he's come to accept a lot of the horror that comes with having it. People don't like him right off the bat. He's had accounts taken away from him at work. He's long suffered from his uncle's enemies trashing him, sometimes damaging his property, all because he's a blood relative of the shittiest person in politics right now. It's unfair, but he's gotten used to it.

At one point he says that he's been asking himself a question for many years: why is there so much cruelty in the Trump family? Uncle Donald likes to tell the world that he's a self-made man, but that's simply not true. How can it be when he got a bunch of money he borrowed from his dad to start his own business . . . I don't want to say "empire." More like "scheme." But his dad really was a self-made man. He started with nothing and built a real empire, not the shiny gilt shit that Donald smears over everything. So Fred Trump really was a business man, not the con artist his son became. I honestly think if Fred Trump loved his son enough and knew how to show it, we wouldn't be having this discussion right now.

So what was li'l Donald like as a kid? I'll let Fred III tell you about it:

In a family that could sometimes seem like the cast of a 1950s sitcom, Donald’s role was as the obnoxious one. Many of Donald’s adult traits – his determination, his short fuse – first displayed themselves in childhood. He learned early that he could get away with things. Stupid kid stuff at first.

Taking toys from other children. Throwing cake at a birthday party.

So much has already been said about my uncle’s tumultuous boyhood, I don’t want to repeat all that. But I know my family well enough to grasp how the five siblings got formed by an unyielding father and also by each other.

He then gives the reason why he said his uncle could drive just about anyone "around the bend." He was so obnoxious that his siblings pranked him, including Fred III's dad. He tells this story of how Fred II, knowing Donald is deathly afraid of snakes, put a garter snake in Donald's bed while he was taking a bath. I wish I'd been there to hear li'l Donnie's screams of horror. Yet oddly enough Donald loved his older brother and kept a picture of the two of them when Fred I shipped him off to military school.

But then Fred II wanted to leave the family business. Instead he wanted to be a commercial pilot. Fred I sent Donald to bring his brother home. Fred II stuck with TWA, and the rest of the family decided he wasn't as important as they were. That translated, by the way, to Fred II's wife and kids.

I gotta say, any snarky thing I have to say was said by Fred III first. I'm going to quote him again when it came to a game of catch between adult Donald Trump and another of his nephews, a child:

With Donald, almost everything had to be a competition. One day, he and my cousin David were playing catch. Just a friendly game. That’s what David thought. But as the baseball went back and forth, Donald started throwing harder. Until he was firing rockets at his nephew. Then, one hit the tip of David’s glove and bounced off his forehead, sending my cousin straight to the grass.

Maryanne came running over, mad. ‘He’s just a kid,’ she yelled. Donald wasn’t apologetic at all. ‘That’s what the glove is for.’

That was Uncle Donald. To him, a win was a win was a win, whether or not the other person even knew the game was on.

What a fucking shitbag.

The Trumps despise weakness, and unfortunately Fred II had a big one: ALCOHOLISM. When his first stint at rehab failed, well, here. These quotes are just spot-on.

My father’s drinking was getting worse. He decided to give rehab a try. I got a postcard he sent the day he arrived, saying he was doing great. The next day he left. It was heartbreaking. It was like he had given up.

‘Your dad couldn’t do it,’ Donald said the next time I saw him. That was true, though I’m still not sure why he felt the need to rub it in.

You know what? I'm not even scratching the surface of the horrors here. Instead of summarizing and quoting (extensively, I might add) you might get better mileage from reading the excerpt I found online. The cruelty really kicks in when Fred I dies, and Fred III's family is cut out of the will. He's told that Fred I cut him out, but Fred I had dementia near the end and possibly didn't do that. Who does that leave?

Just read it. If you're thinking about voting for Trump, I have no idea what you're doing reading my GF column. You must have taken the wrong turn at Albuquerque. But all the same, if you are somehow thinking of voting for this shit weasel (my apologies to actual shit weasels, I'm talking about a real fuck nugget, here, I'm sure you understand (my apologies to actual fuck nuggets, I'm talking about a real etc.)), read Fred III's commentary on Uncle Donald. Here it is.

Sweet dreams.