COOL SHIT 3-22-12

HELLBLAZER #289: I can’t get over how hard this book gets me. It’s the best it’s been in fucking years, man. Peter Milligan knows what he’s doing, and so does Giuseppe Camuncoli. But the true star is Simon Bisley, the cover artist. Holy fucking shit, would you look at that? No one has gotten to the heart of this book so well since Sean Phillips was the regular artist. It’s down and dirty. You know what you’re getting when you see that artwork. Bisley’s a fucking fiend, and I love what he’s doing. I also love that the First is still around, doing his level best to fuck John Constantine over. As a result, Constantine gets shot out of Hell and back to earth . . . buried alive. As he tries to get out, the First keeps stepping on him, demanding that Constantine finally admit that he’s lost. Naturally, Constantine shows him the typical two fingers, Britain’s version of the middle finger. Gemma has had the shit kicked out of her by her lover and Constantine’s father-in-law . . . and Epiphany kinda-sorta does something that will undoubtedly change her life (and the course of this book). As great as Azzarello and Ellis were on this book, this is the best its been since Ennis. That’s saying a lot.

WONDER WOMAN #7: Speaking of Azzarello, he continues to make this book very readable. He adds a few more Greek myths to the tale, most notably Eros (a pistol-packing granter of wishes in the realm of love) and Hephaestus (a monstrous welder of magical weapons). More importantly, Azzarello finally answers a question that probably has not been plaguing the minds of Wonder Woman fans: why do the Amazons not have any brothers? Well, who says they don’t? In perfect ancient Greek fashion, they get rid of undesirable babies. Buy the book and find out what happens to them.

FABLES #115: I’m glad to see this book back on track. Nurse Pratt inserts herself back in Fabletown and manages to fool everyone, including Old King Cole, into believing her story. But the best part about this is Therese’s journey to her new kingdom, a land of forgotten toys, where she is to be the new queen. There is something truly unsettling about these toys, especially Mr. Ives and Nan. I think they might all be batshit crazy. Good things are not in store for Bigby and Snow White’s daughter. I wish the Oz back up story was a bit better, though.

KICK-ASS 2 #7: The stunning conclusion to another Millarworld book. Of course, it is just as fucked up as you think it will be. The “superheroes” and “supervillains” are having a two-fisted battle in Times Square, and Kick-Ass finds himself facing off against Motherfucker in their final fight to the death. Well, kind of. Even though Motherfucker definitely deserves an awful death, we all know Kick-Ass doesn’t have willful murder in his soul. However, Hit-Girl is a different story. She has no problem with beheading Motherfucker’s lieutenant, an ex-KGB agent. The ending is heartbreaking, though no one can say they didn’t see it coming. It absolutely promises a third series, and that doesn’t count the forthcoming HIT-GIRL monthly, which purports to take place between the first and second series.

COOL SHIT 2-16-12

ROAD RAGE #1: I knew I’d like this one well before I picked it up, and not just because Stephen King and Joe Hill are listed as the writers. I’m very familiar with their adapted story, “Throttle,” so I already dig the characters and the situation. (Quick note: King and Hill just approved of the story; the guy who adapted it to the page is Chris Ryall.) And come on, let’s face it, this is a wet dream come true for horror fans. Father and son working together? Who could pass it up? I first encountered it as the audio book read by Stephen Lang, and I have loved it ever since. It was originally a part of an anthology, HE IS LEGEND, a collection of stories inspired by Richard Matheson. This one was inspired by DUEL, which will be adapted next for this title. So . . . am I turned-on by this? Like a motherfucker. The only problem is Ryall is a bit rushed, so some really good exposition goes right out the window. When these bikers start getting killed by the guy in the truck, I don’t give a shit about any of them. He also cut out one of my favorite exchanges from the story, about a four-letter word for something one character does to another’s mother. (The answer: GALL.) Still, it’s a good primer for King, Hill, and Matheson’s work, so check it out.

G.I. JOE: RETALIATION #1: The more I hear about the new G.I. Joe movie, the more I want to see it. I think it might just kick the shit out of the first one, and this movie prequel helps reinforce that idea. Mainframe gets taken hostage by ninja (as we learn in this issue, the plural of “ninja” is “ninja”), and Snake Eyes and Roadblock fail to get him back. In fact, Roadblock get so pissed off he decks Hawk and gets locked up for it. Also, they’re not afraid to kill Joes off. Charbroil goes out in a pretty nasty way. The only drawback: Storm Shadow’s still alive. Fuck that pussy shit. Kill off the guy, and don’t do any take-backs.

WONDER WOMAN #6: This book flounders a lot. It’s hard to say whether it’s good or not, but the current issue has a pretty cool concept. Wonder Woman is manipulating Poseidon and Hades together in an attempt to get something that she wants. Not bad, Azzarello. Not bad. The only thing is . . . do you miss writing for HELLBLAZER? Is that what this Lennox fellow is about? Because let’s face it, aside from the whole being built of stone thing, he’s Constantine. Come on. A blond, chain-smoking trenchcoated Englishman who knows his way around magic and sardonic one-liners? Why didn’t you just use Constantine? Get him out of that awful JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK book.

THE TRANSFORMERS: MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE #2: Goddam, do I love the direction this franchise is taking! Rodimus is still trying to account for everybody after their ship nearly exploded, and in the meantime, Skids, the theoretician of the group, gets to battle robots with giant swords. Cyclonus is inducted onto the team, and . . . and . . . I’m giddy. They even have a list of the crew on the last page. This could very well be the best series in the entire run of this book, and I’m even throwing the G1 stuff in there.

HELLBLAZER #288: I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited for this. Wait, actually I can: approximately 200 issues. John Constantine versus the First of the Fallen once again, and this time, the blue collar mage has chosen to take the ultimate gamble: the Devil’s Wager. The First gives him the chance to convince his sister to leave Hell, and if he succeeds, they’ll be rushed out. However, if he fails, the First gets Epiphany’s soul. And there’s a catch: any promise made in Hell must be honored in the land of the living. To add to the mess, Constantine’s evil twin is hanging around Cheryl in Hell (mostly because it’s entertaining). I cannot tell you how fucking happy I am right now. Comics have been really good to me today.