THE DUI DIARY: Chapter Two

I drove out to Wheaton to meet with Earl, one of the lawyers who works with Don. He was full of good news, and some bad. There was no way around the summary suspension of my license for 12 months due to not blowing, but it was possible to get it dismissed. He told me that if he was successful at that, it would cost an extra thousand dollars. It sounded like it was worth it.



He explained that DUI charges were both civil and criminal. First, the civil shit must be beaten down, and then the criminal. If convicted, I could go to jail for a year, get stuck with $2,500 worth of fees, have to attend DUI classes, and have my license suspended and a breathalyzer attached to my car. That this is my first offense is a good sign, and that I didn’t blow also gives me a leg up. It doesn’t hurt that I’m going before a good judge. Earl did, however, disabuse me of the idea that the arresting officer wouldn’t show up for court. He was pretty certain that the officer would. However, he also said that so-called “safety” checks had a lot of loopholes, and he was going to search and make sure that the roadblock was 100% legal. If the cops forgot even one minor detail, the roadblock would be deemed null and void, and my case would be dismissed.


Earl told me that police look at three different things to determine whether or not a person is drunk. One: They consider how badly the person was weaving over lanes or violating any other traffic laws. Two: They consider the results of any chemical tests, including the breathalyzer. Three: They take a look at the field sobriety test. In my case, I was stopped at a roadblock, so number one is out. I did not blow, so number two is out. The only thing they have to build on is the field sobriety test, and there is a pretty good chance I can beat it, thanks to my crooked right foot. I needed to get pictures of my feet for evidence.


Earl then described what would happen if I wound up getting court supervision as a verdict. I would have to keep clean, pay my fines, attend DUI classes, and attend a victims panel (which, I assume, means that victims of drunk driving will preach at me about the dangers of what I’ve allegedly done). I would rather not get stuck with all the bills for this, so I told him I wanted to fight this thing to the bitter end, no matter how far we had to go.


He was glad that I came in to see him so early. It gave him all the time he needed to start filing for subpoenas regarding the information the police had to surrender to him. He told me that cops are kind of care-free about giving up the information, so he wanted to file as soon as possible.


Before I met with Earl, I knew I’d be going with these lawyers. I knew the minute I stepped into their lobby and saw all the thank you cards stapled to the walls from satisfied customers. As soon as I learned that Don was the first and only lawyer to argue a DUI case in the fucking U.S. SUPREME COURT, I knew he had the balls required to work for me. He even has a painting on the wall of him standing before the Justices.


It helped that Earl said they were flexible with my payments. Their retainer fee is $2,500, but they just need $250 up front. After that, I should pay the lawyer at each court session whatever I can scrounge together. (Just as long as I’m all paid up by the last court appearance.) In addition to the $1,000 (if they overturn my suspension), there would be an additional $1,500 if we go to a bench trial (which we will) and win (which I hope we will). If we wind up going to a jury trial (which is not likely) and we win, I would owe them $2,500. It all seemed pretty reasonable.


I only had $150 on me, but Earl sounded eager to go after the Lisle police, so he went to talk to Don, to see if they could start working on my case. The man himself came in and introduced himself to me. $150 was fine to start with. I’ve never been late with a payment on any of my bills, and I’ve always paid debts on time. My record was clean. They were willing to work with me.


I surrendered my money, and we went to work . . . .


When I got home, I found a stack of envelopes in my mailbox. There were about thirty of ‘em, and they were all from DUI lawyers. Since I had already found representation, I thought about throwing them all out. Then, just out of curiosity, I opened them up and started reading.


They might as well have all sent me the same form letter. They all had the same things to say about the same clients and the same lawyers’ backgrounds. Each and every one of them had been a DUI prosecutor for years before becoming DUI defenders.


I looked at Don’s background. Guess what? He was never a prosecutor. In other words, he was never the Enemy. He always knew in his heart what he wanted to do.


I threw out the envelopes. Fuck those people. I already had someone who was willing to defend me to the fullest extent.


TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW!