THE DUI DIARY: Chapter Four

Whoops! Things are looking very good? Maybe not. My second court date did not go quite so well. There were a few good things, but for the most part, everything is starting to go downhill.



Once again, Steve delayed my case until the very end, since it was probably going to take longer than the other cases that day. I spent most of my morning sitting with my Elmore Leonard, sweating in the lobby, wishing my suit wasn’t so hot. Finally, when I was called in, I watched Steve finish up with the cop. The officer seemed a bit more composed, like perhaps he’d done his homework this time, but it wasn’t good enough. Steve beat him like a gong. There were a lot more I-don’t-knows and I-don’t-recalls. He had to be reminded several times as to what he’d written in his own police report.


Then, the worm turned. Steve decided to play the footage of my field sobriety test. Keep in mind that both he and I know about my leg, and no one else does. The judge came around the bench so he could watch the screen. Instead of watching what I’d already lived through, I watched the judge, and I did not like what I saw.


He was shaking his head. Grimacing. Looking at me incredulously. Some of his expressions were almost comical. I forced myself to stare straight ahead. I bit the insides of my cheeks to prevent myself from smiling.

The DVD ended, and the judge took his seat. It was 12:15, close to closing time, but he wanted to get this hearing over with. We were to return at 1:30 for the conclusion.


Once outside the court, Steve said that he didn’t think that went well. Looking back, the judge had no idea he was supposed to be keeping an eye out for my bum leg, so it wasn’t surprising to see that he wasn’t thinking very highly of me. As such, I thought it might have been a good idea to skip the field sobriety test. But no, if we hadn’t shown it, it would have looked like we were trying to hide it. Steve said he was going to have me testify when we got back. He wasn’t sure if that was going to do the trick, but he felt it necessary.


I spent my hour at McDonald’s, and when I got back, Steve was a bit late. He apologized, saying he’d been back at the office with the other two lawyers, brainstorming. He didn’t say for sure, but I think he thought that I had about a 50-50 chance.


Court reconvened (and we didn’t have to stand up this time), and I was called to testify. I was asked about my crooked right foot. How long has it been this way? All my life. Does it cause me to walk funny? You bet. I’m not very balanced because of this. I wouldn’t be able to keep my foot straight during a field sobriety test.


Steve then had me demonstrate my walk, which I did, and it seemed that the judge really didn’t give much of a fuck about it.

Steve gave his closing remarks, and it was really a beautiful thing to behold. The man was on fire. Classic Greek orators wouldn’t be able to hold a candle to him. Cicero was a fucking amateur compared to Steve. I thought he was very convincing, far more convincing than the prosecutor. While he was pretty well spoken, the prosecutor hemmed and hawed about a few things.


After all this, the judge looked down at us all and said that he thought I’d been drunk as a skunk, that I had absolutely bombed the field sobriety test. He said it so vehemently that I thought he was going to throw the book at me. All of a sudden, I realized that I was not going to be able to drive FOR SURE for 30 days. Then, I’d have to get that fucking BAIID, which I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to afford.


But what made him hesitate? you ask. A little something called the Fourth Amendment. Remember, the officer was only supposed to check my license, my insurance, and give my car a cursory examination, then let me go. If there was evidence of any other crime, he should investigate. However, he said in his own report that he detected the FAINT odor of alcohol, and that I had admitted to drinking ONE beer (at that time).


“If he had said he hadn’t been drinking, I’d be suspicious,” the judge said. “But he said he’d just had one beer. A faint odor of alcohol seems consistent with that.” He went on to state that when I wasn’t doing the sobriety tests, I was conducting myself quite well. I hadn’t had any difficulty in getting out of the car, and I walked pretty well over to the testing area. My speech was not slurred in the slightest.


The question comes down to this: is the faint odor of alcohol and the admission of drinking one beer enough to take a driver out of his car and make him take the field sobriety test? It is not illegal to drink and drive. It is illegal to drink over the .08 limit and drive. Who doesn’t have an occasional beer at dinner and then drive somewhere? If the faint odor of alcohol was enough for this treatment, then the legal limit should be .00 rather than .08.


This is the dilemma the judge found himself in, and he asked the lawyers if there was any legal precedent for a case like mine. There were other DUI cases that had a few things in common with mine, but nothing quite as similar.


The judge told us that he would reserve judgment for a week. He wanted to see some kind of legal precedent before making a decision. We would reconvene on Monday for the final verdict on my suspension.


The problem is, my suspension was supposed to start the following day. They wouldn’t delay it, though, so I have to eat a few days of it. It will suck for two days (as I have to be at work on those days), but hopefully on Monday the judge will see me in a more favorable light.


There is probably not any legal precedent for my situation. Steve researched the case pretty well, so I’m fairly confident of this. If indeed there isn’t another case like mine, mine will probably be a precedent in itself. Yes, years from now lawyers will talk about Bruni v. the State of Illinois.


Holy Christ, could I possibly be a hero for those who might wind up like me? Am I a trailblazer? Is there wisdom in my booze-addled brain? Stand back! Pay attention. You might learn something.


Join me next time, for when I take a final roll of the dice and see what pops up. Well, it won’t be final. This is just for the suspension. The real guts of the DUI case is still yet to come.


TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW!