Monday, September 10, 2012


Take a look at that cover.  Consider the title.  Did you notice the hanger in the O of ABORTED?  This book is clearly intended to offend EVERYONE.  It’s hard not to like a creative team who takes that kind of attitude.  It’s to be expected that with such a heavy subject matter as abortion, a heavy hand will be taken in the execution.  Actually, with these guys, they fuck with everybody on this issue, regardless of your stance.  The only one that comes out of this tale looking decent is the protagonist.

How to describe Abe?  Well, his mother goes to the ludicrously named Dr. Choice to get a late-term abortion.  As it turns out, the young fellow survives the procedure, only to be thrown in the trash by Dr. Choice.  The kid manages to crawl out of the garbage (through a mess of successful abortions, by the way), and with the aid of an abortion-clinic-hating pro-lifer named Placentile, he escapes from the clutches of Dr. Choice . . . but it’s out of the frying pan and into the fire for him.  Placentile works for the Catholic church, and they have plans for this poor kid.  (In fact, she names him Abe after Abraham of, you know, Biblical fame.)

It falls to Uncle Sam and Captain John Kickass (the epitome of every action star ever, ever, ever) to rescue Abe from the Catholics.  You see, Pope Palpatine (yes, really) has plans for young Abe.  As it turns out Jesus was really a failed abortion (which, by the way, was a mule kicking Mary in the stomach), and his survival was deemed a miracle.  He went on to become the son of God, etc.  The church has been waiting 2,000 years for another such miracle (to the point of scientific experimentation), and now that Abe has survived his abortion, they’ve decided that he’s the second coming of Christ.

Unfortunately for Abe, Uncle Sam has his own plans for the tyke.  (John Kickass is just too fucking stupid to have ulterior motives.)  Everyone is a lying scumbag, even Rita the Riveter, who was Dr. Choice’s nurse in the first place.  Yet it all comes to a head when the major players meet up at the Vatican for the final battle . . . and the Pope transforms the city into a giant killer robot.

What is not to like about this book?  Writer Z.M. Thomas doesn’t have a serious bone in his body.  There isn’t a moment where this subject matter is treated with respect.  If there is a moral in any of this, it seems to be FUCK EVERYBODY.  The government is full of shit.  Religion is full of insane shit.  And in the middle of it all is poor, innocent, likeable Abe.

The style of artist Anthony Tan only helps matters.  His work is so cartoony, it’s hard for even the targets of this book to feel offended.  Everything is just over the top, and it’s all done for humor.  How refreshing for such an important political issue!

And then there’s John Kickass, the impossibly over-muscled action star of this book, full of one-liners and misogyny and his love of Rush Limbaugh’s oxy-snorting bigotry.  At one point, he refuses to fly to the Vatican because their pilot’s name is Kennedy.  “There are two things I’ve learned in the course of my life . . . ONE!  Light beer is for faggots!  TWO!  Never get in a car or a plane with a Kennedy.”  Wow.  Just . . . wow.

And where is Jesus in all of this?  He’s working at a taco stand named Jesus Taco, where most people just think he’s Mexican.  And JFK survived his assassination attempt as a brain attached to a super-computer, eternally working for the government.

Seriously, you can’t get more batshit crazy in a book that isn’t written by Ryan Browne.  To top it all off, Thomas is working on a new book called THE BIBLE 2.  How fucking awesome is that?

Written by Z.M. Thomas
Illustrated by Anthony Tan
Published by Trepidation
Too many pages to count (they are not numbered)

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