HEY FUCKERS! #12: WHAT HAVE I BECOME?!

Most of you know by now that I have recently gotten a new phone. Instead of following previous trends (ie. getting a burner phone, since my needs are small in this department), I decided to get a big boy phone. A smartphone. Mostly, I did this because I was sick and tired of how Tracfone was fucking with me. I had a conversation with a friend, and he figured they treated me like shit because they thought I was a criminal or a crackhead, considering how they're the only people who use burner phones. (I would add the elderly, too. They don't want to get involved with technology so late in life. I've seen it with my own eyes.) My friend added that they'd also think I was a terrible criminal, because I've had this thing for years instead of days.


Anyway, now I've upgraded and joined the 21st Century. To my surprise, I find myself liking this new phone better than I thought I would. All of those uses I figured I'd never need? I'm using them on a regular basis. I also didn't think I'd bother listening to music on my phone, which I do now. I'm also reading a bunch of free ebooks I picked up from Amazon over the years that I never thought I'd get to. All in all, I think this was a good decision.


But I've noticed a trend over the past few days, and it's rather startling. Every morning now, the first thing I'll do is look at my phone. NO! I'VE BECOME THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO DOES THIS! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!


Okay, look. I'm a writer, which means I have to have a fairly large ego, but I wasn't ready to discover such blatant narcissism within myself. I've become the type of person who wakes up and thinks, "Hm. I wonder how many people tried to contact me while I was sleeping." Or, "I wonder what people are saying about me today." Or, "Me-me-me-me-ME."


Every morning before this, the first thing I did was clear out my congestion. Whenever I wake up, I have a horrendous amount of snot and incredibly large boogers in me, so bad that I have to double up on tissue or risk breaking through to my fingers. Only then can I face the day. Now, before I do even this necessary thing, I check my phone. I'm going to stop myself from doing this tomorrow morning and see how that makes me feel.


Well. I don't really have a conclusion here, but I feel I should wrap this up. I have to check out what's happening on my social media. If you need me, text me.