Tonight I went out to dinner with a very good friend of mine, and she told me something that threw me for a loop. I've heard it often enough, but it never ceases to surprise me.
We were talking about someone we used to work with. She said that this person in question had to go out to her car late at night after work, and she wanted an escort because the parking lot could be scary sometimes. My friend said I was leaving at the same time and said that I could be her escort, but the coworker in question reacted poorly to the suggestion. She said that she was scared of me.
My friend defended me, but the coworker wouldn't have it any other way. This happened years and years and years ago, but hearing it tonight surprised me.
Every once in a while I hear stories about how some people are (or were) afraid of me, and it always baffles me. OK, so I'm a tall guy. I'm pretty large, and not all of it is fat. Sometimes I'm bearded. I wear black often, in particular my black trench coat for winter days. I guess if you saw me on the street, you might mistakenly think I was a badass or something.
But the coworker in question? I was friends with her brother for many years. She should have known better.
I'm a pussycat. I live my life the Maverick way. If I can avoid physical confrontation, I will. I'm not a tough guy, and I don't pretend to be. I just don't get it.
Not too long ago, a friend of mine told me her boyfriend was terrified of me. I asked why, and she said it was due to my sheer size. I'm taller than average, but I'm not a giant. When I'm working out I have decent body shape, but it is never anything crazy like a WWE guy. Apparently I'm intimidating without even trying.
I don't get it, and I kinda want it to stop. I don't want anyone to fear me. I'm almost a pacifist. The only thing that prevents me from being one is the fact that I will fight back if someone fucks with me. I'm not talking about tough words, by the way. I mean if someone physically threatens me, I will fight back. You can call me whatever the fuck you want to, and I'll take it. Who gives a fuck what you think of me? I have no interest in threatening anyone. I want to get along with everyone. Hate and violence takes a lot of effort, and I don't want to go through the bother. Say what you will. I don't care. But physically threaten me or my loved ones? That's a different story.
So what the fuck? I hope none of you reading this finds me scary. If you do, what can I do to put you at ease? Sure, I can be an angry guy, but I've never seriously threatened anyone in my life. I just don't have it in me. What gives?