GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #407: CLAUSTROPHOBIA

 So yesterday I had to get an MRI. It's not my first, but this time was extremely awkward because I only needed my arm done. To anyone who has never suffered through one of these things, you have to stay still for 30 minutes. When they were doing my torso years ago, that was fine. I could easily make it.

But for my arm? I had to hold a specific pose for that half-hour, and it was not comfortable. At first I tried to be on my side, which is a lot more comfortable, with my head leaning on the barrier they put around my arm from elbow to wrist. Then they tried putting me in the machine. My shoulders are too broad. They couldn't fit me.

So they asked me to be on my stomach. Not very comfortable. My head still had to lean on the barrier, which gave me a headache for the rest of the day. My arm also started screaming in pain about 5 minutes into the test. And when they got me out, my arm ached from shoulder to fingertips for the rest of the day. It hurt a lot more than the tennis elbow I initially went in for. I doubted the whole time that this was worth it.

But the main concern for the technician? "Are you claustrophobic?"

I'm not. And even though they had to stuff my six-one frame into this small thing, I never felt claustrophobic. I was just in agony, that's all.

The only time I've ever felt claustrophobic was a few years back. I went to pick up a friend of mine, and she didn't want to go, after all. She wanted to stay in bed with the covers over her head. That's fine. I planned to go back into the living room to read while she caught up on sleep, but she demanded that I stay. I really didn't want to. I'm not good at resting while I could be doing stuff. But she insisted, and I relented. We held each other under the blankets. They had to be over our heads. That was the rule.

I started panicking. I didn't feel good in that situation. I had a hard time breathing. My heart rate was so high I'm surprised it didn't keep her awake. I had to get out of there as soon as possible. The blankets weighed me down, and it made me feel like I was too big for a small set of clothes. I might have lasted twenty minutes before I just had to get out.

I tried my best to not bother her by leaving, but I couldn't have escaped without her finding out. That did wake her up, but only enough for her to grunt her displeasure.

But ordinary claustrophobia? Not me. I spent all my time in the MRI desperately wanting to move my arm if only to stop the pain for a little bit. If I moved, though, it would have all been for naught.

If I can get through the rest of my life without needing an MRI on an arm, I would be very happy.