Sorry. This one is going to be pretty serious. Also, I'm breaking my rule. I'm writing this earlier than my bedtime because by bedtime I will be very high and not able to write something like this. But it's something that needs to be said.
Another disclaimer. I'm not a Democrat. A lot of conservatives think I am because of my stance on a lot of things, but I'm not. I'm middle of the road. However, ever since Trump started shitting the national bed, I've been pushed farther and farther to the left. One day, Bernie Sanders is going to look to the left and be shocked to see me (or anyone) standing there.
What I am is someone who believes in freedom, and with the recent news that the Supreme Court is going to overturn Roe v Wade, I don't dare call this country the Land of the Free. I never have, to be fair. I have a shirt that shows a map of the US, and it says, "LAND OF THE FREE*." The asterisk says, "SOME RESTRICTIONS APPLY. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED." I love my country for what it's supposed to be. I hate my country for what it actually is. And it could be "as advertised" if it wanted to be. But there is a small group of assholes who turn out to be pretty loud, and as a nurse told me once, regarding a patient who was naked and screaming in the hallway when I needed my morphine, "The squeaky wheel gets the grease."
When I was born, I almost won the lottery. I'm white. I'm male. I'm hetero. The only number I missed was being born into wealth. Even without that last one, I'm still pretty privileged. Even in ways I probably don't even know about because my natural response is to not think about it. I do think about it, though. And it pisses me off that not everyone has the freedoms that I have. Because goddammit, this is supposed to be the Land of the Free. Everyone who lives here should be treated equally, and they're not.
Which leads me to Roe. In case you didn't know, Roe is a pseudonym for the woman in question. Her privacy had to be protected in her legal action, and that woman has sadly decided, later in life, that abortion is not a right that women should have. And let's talk about that for a minute. The assholes on Fox Opinions have decided that if you live in a state that bans abortion, all you have to do is move to a state that allows it. One talking dickhead said such states treated abortion as a "free for all." Implying that abortion is a fun thing. Here's your punch card. Get nine abortions, and your tenth is for free.
That's not the fucking case. I know women who have gotten abortions. It's not a fun thing. They're still haunted by it and will be for the rest of their lives. But they had to do it. They weren't ready for kids. They couldn't have taken care of the poor child. And adoption is not a guaranteed thing. I've known people who are adopted. Sometimes it works out, but the majority wound up in ghastly situations. Foster parents often look for tax breaks, and that's all the kids are. Sometimes it's even worse. Sometimes they're looking for a child to rape. A lot of them are chomping at the bit for victims. Would you go through a pregnancy you didn't want just so you could hand your baby over to a kid toucher?
Abortion is not fun, but it's a necessary thing. And I can hear you saying, if you're not ready to have kids, don't fuck. To that, I laugh in your face. Sex is a healthy part of life, kind of like breathing and eating. Do you know what happens when you don't fuck? You get incels who want to enslave women and rape them whenever they desire. They'll call it "fucking," but what they actually have in mind is some Brock Turner type shit.
But, shockingly enough, that's not my topic tonight. I stand by a woman's right to an abortion because if I were a woman, I would 100% want that. And it is a right. The same dickheads who screamed about how wearing masks during a plague was a violation of their personal freedoms are now claiming that women don't have personal freedoms. And yet I suspect that if one of those pieces of shit got someone pregnant, they would demand that she get an abortion. It's like that episode of IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA, when Mac goes to anti-abortion rallies, but the instant he gets one of his fellow protestors pregnant, he tells her she needs to get an abortion.
But that's all I'll say about that. There's something far more insidious happening in this, and while I prioritize a woman's right to an abortion, it is being overshadowed by this other thing. That's why there is a map of the US at the top of this column. Take a look at it. And now remember what the Fox asshole said about moving to another state where abortion is legal.
Let's say that those who live in those states where it is illegal do move to a state where it's legal. Just for the sake of argument. When they all flee to safety, which is a natural response, and I would never blame anyone for that, who is left in those illegal states? People who are, as they define themselves, "pro-life." Which they're not, by the way. As soon as you're born, you can go fuck yourself as far as they're concerned. Born into poverty with no way out? Eh, you were asking for it in the womb.
Well, what does that mean when the scumbag pro-lifers are the only ones in that state? There is zero opposition to the majority, right? Take a look at that map again. See how many states are ready to outlaw abortion. Compare to the states who are willing to uphold women's rights, like my own Illinois.
(Side note: I gotta say, I'm not really proud of my state often. When Pat Quinn left the governor's office without wearing handcuffs, it was kind of novel. We've been in debt for so long it's fucking shocking. But with recreational cannabis legalized, and the fact that we're upholding women's rights, I'm really proud of that.)
So if everyone who wanted a legal abortion left those states, who would be left but the religious nuts who insist that Sharia law is evil but who are doing the exact same thing in America, just with a different god? And which party do you think those loathsome toads are going to vote for? That's right, each of those states you see above are going to be red states. And they will outnumber blue states.
I hate that we have this two party system. Yeah, I know, there are other parties, but when was the last time America voted one of them into the presidency? I'll tell you, because I actually research this shit in case you've forgotten about my essays on Aaron Burr and Benedict Arnold. The last time was Lincoln's second term. Republicans like to claim him as one of their own to show how progressive they are. Well, that's bullshit. As recently as WWII those assholes tried to bring back slavery. And anyway, the parties used to stand for different principles. For example, the KKK used to be Democrats.
But yes, when Lincoln was first elected he was a Republican. When he ran the second time? He ran as a member of the National Union. And if you research as much as I do, you might object to my point, saying that it was a Republican plot to get Democrats to vote for Lincoln. And you may be right. But you're also proving my point more. Because before Lincoln? The last time a president was not a Republican or Democrat? Millard Fillmore. A fucking Whig.
You do remember Fillmore, don't you?
I'm going off on a slight tangent on that one, but let's get back to more recent times. If Roe v Wade is overturned, and the decision on abortion goes back to the states, then the red states will have the majority. They will easily win the next presidential election.
And what fucking asshole is planning on running in 2024?
Oh yeah.
The number one thing you should think about, when Trump is making wild accusations, is that he's using a very old playbook for dictators. ALWAYS ACCUSE THE OTHER SIDE OF WHAT YOU, YOURSELF, ARE DOING. This might be the most insidious election fraud of all time.
And if Roe v Wade can be shot down in flames? What other laws are endangered? Perhaps the 13th Amendment? (If you've forgotten from school, that's the one that outlaws slavery.)
Yeah, that's a pretty depressing thing, and I'm sorry you had to slog through all of that to get to my point. As Bill Hicks used to say, "Don't worry. Dick jokes are on the way." But they're not. Probably.
Here's another thought, and it's a dark one. I say this as someone whose mom had black eyes on a regular basis. Those black eyes were always explained as, "She tripped and hit her eye on a doorknob." If we had a basement, it probably would have been, "She accidentally fell down the stairs." Those states that plan on outlawing abortion are also planning on prosecuting women who purposefully use their own methods to terminate their pregnancies. Like, with coat hangers. Or accidentally falling down the stairs. Or the old gin method. But I wonder, what if it's the fetus's father who does it? Like, he purposely punches her in the stomach, just for example. Would these states prosecute the prospective fathers? I'll bet they don't.
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