I know I said I wouldn't be back until January, but fuck it. It's Christmas. The last of the holidays I care about. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be caring about it, too.
Usually Christmas is for our family to get together, and then we get to give each other presents. But as I mentioned around Thanksgiving, Grandma kept the family together. Since her death the family has kind of gone its separate ways. So I've spent today like it was just any other day. I did my usual Sunday rituals, and then I went downstairs to write for a while. Then I read for a while and did other stuff. Packed up more of my belongings. And now I'm writing this.
I was thinking of maybe visiting my brothers in Crystal Lake today, but they got back to me and told me they had bedbugs, so that's out. Too bad. Not only do I have their gifts for this year, but I also have their gifts from last year. I forgot to give them to them when they came for Grandma's funeral. I may or may not have been very, very drunk.
(OK, fine. I definitely was very, very drunk.)
But the thing is, I don't think I'll be getting anyone anything next year. My financial situation is definitely up in the air, and there is no way in hell I'll still be in this place by next Christmas. I'm still surprised that we haven't gotten our notice to leave yet. Perhaps even banks get a little nervous about kicking someone out of their home around Christmas time. They might even let us stay through the rest of winter. Who can get movers out in the winter, anyway? But come spring, I'm sure I'm out of here. That means my other brother and I will go our separate ways, too.
So what this GF comes down to is this. The sad fact of life is that with every Christmas, you're going to give less gifts than the year before. Most times that's because some people are no longer here. Hug your loved ones. Tell them that you love them. Cherish their presence. They might not be around next year.
I'll close out with the most horrible thing I heard this week. What with gas prices sky-high, we only have to be in the office at work once a week, on Mondays. So the office has been dead for the rest of the week, and it was even deader because those who usually were there were gone because of the winter storm. So it was just me and another coworker in the office on Friday. She sits on the other side of the wall from me, and we talked about our Christmases. For her it's a rough time of the year because her daughter was murdered the day after Christmas years ago. They found her on the 27th. A horrible fucking situation. I can't imagine how bad this time of year must be for her.
You really don't know what (or who) life will take from you over the course of the years. Take nothing for granted.
Merry Christmas.
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