GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #778: HOPE

 I don't live with a lot of hope. I find that hope almost always turns on you, and my philosophy is just to forget it. So I haven't felt it in a while. I go into everything with negative expectations, and I'm rarely disappointed.

So it's weird that I felt hope today. You know how I sometimes get low and talk about how unhappy I am at work? Yesterday I learned I might have an escape hatch. Today, after some close observation, I learned that the escape hatch is almost certain.

For half of my work day I sat in another department, watching how things go there, seeing the kinds of things they have to deal with. And I think I've found my next position at that job. It's not sales (finally), and there's nothing cutthroat about it. If this change happens I'll can stop being in attack mode all the fucking time. It'll be nice to go through one goddam workday without being burned out and watching out for knives with my back's name on them the whole time.

I will even get most of my Saturdays back, which means I CAN HAVE A WEEKEND AGAIN. For the first time since December 2019 I will know what a weekend feels like. The only thing is, they do rotating Saturdays, which means I'll have to work one a month. Considering the alternative, that's pretty fucking good.

Another possible drawback: I might have to work some days in Crystal Lake or Oswego, which are pretty far to go for me here in Elmhurst. For a second I thought I'd have to do that every day, but it looks like that just might be a once in a while kind of thing. I have a couple of brothers in Crystal Lake, and my second stepmom is in Oswego, so maybe that's not entirely bad.

My supervisor wants me to have the job. The supervisor I'd have wants me to have the job. We just have to clear it with the call center boss and the shop boss.

I've been floating on cloud nine all day, and I have not felt like that in many, many years. I feel like I've got a new lease on life, and I'm hoping with everything I've got that I get this new position. I've had a spectacularly bad run of luck for more than ten years at this point. It's Verrill luck. Always in, always bad. But this might just be the thing to finally turn all that shit around.

Fingers crossed.