GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #450: HORRIBLE THOUGHTS FROM MY HEAD #1,569,969

 Every once in a while my mind comes up with a horrible idea that I should never unleash into the world . . . and then I unleash it into the world, usually in the form of fiction. But there are some horrible thoughts that I think twice about. For example, "Butt Club." As I wrote that one, I thought about the book I was paying homage to/parodying/ripping off. So many people took that book and the subsequent movie the wrong way and actually started creating Fight Clubs. What if I inadvertently started a bunch of people creating Butt Clubs? I know I have nowhere near the reach of Chuck Palahniuk, but at the same time, he didn't either, not when Fight Club first came out.

(And I almost did start a Butt Club at a bizarro live reading. Thankfully everyone seemed to be in the joke. I had some doubts about a couple of people, but to the best of my knowledge, no one has created a Butt Club. Also, if you want to read that story, you can find it in TALES OF UNSPEAKABLE TASTE.)

So I thought of a terrorist attack that would absolutely work and change our way of life forever. And I'm not shy about sharing it here because Palahniuk wrote another book in which he described a terrorist act that would 100% work even if you knew all about it. If you haven't read Pygmy, give it a shot and you'll see. Brian K. Vaughan also came up with a great idea for one in The Private Eye, which is definitely worth the read. The terrorist attack in that one isn't a spoiler. It's background for the story he wanted to tell, so I'll describe it here. In his graphic novel someone released everyone's search history to the world so no one could possibly have a secret from anyone ever. Also, who can kink shame when everyone knows what everyone else is into? In the book everyone has just decided to declare a worldwide amnesty and to never discuss it ever again, but think about what would happen if someone did that in reality?

So my idea is, what would happen if someone hacked into everyone's social media and the texts on their phones and made public everyone's private messages. Do you want to know what someone really thinks of you? Who among your friends list are closet Nazis? Who is sending unsolicited dick pics or revenge porn or creep shots? What happens when the people you talk about behind their backs find out about those things you're saying? My policy is to never say something to someone I wouldn't say to their face, but I'm all too aware that I'm in the minority on that thought.

What happens when no one really likes anyone else, and no one can trust anyone?

It's not too far fetched that something like that could happen. Considering all the hacks you hear about, all the personal information stolen, all the purloined identities, all it takes is a hacker ruthless and heartless enough to do it.

Hopefully no one will do it. But you never know.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #403: A WRITER OR AN AUTHOR

 Relax. Don't worry. I'm not going to say some stupid bullshit about what it takes to be an author versus a writer. Anyone who does that is full of shit. Whatever works for you is the real answer. The difference between feeling like an author or a writer is something that applies to me alone.

It's easy to feel like a writer. You sit down and write (or edit, or fucking hell, put together a synopsis), and that's it. I've felt like a writer for as long as I can remember. During the plague it was pretty easy to feel that. But I missed feeling like an author.

I got to experience that again for the first time in, what? Two years? Going to Printers Row this year was a lot of fun. I missed that kind of thing. Selling books. Signing books. Meeting readers. That's the shit that makes me feel like an author, and these were hard things to come by during these Covid Years. More importantly, I missed doing live readings.

Feeling like an author is difficult. I can't rely on just myself for that. I need the participation of others in order to get into that head space. And goddam! That felt good.

I really want to do more shows in 2022. I hope that we can put this plague behind us and have fun in public spaces full of people again. That would be nice. I'd like to do Days of the Dead again, for example. I'm still not back on board with comic book conventions. That would take a lot. But horror cons? I miss the hell out of those. And one day I'd like to table at Scares That Care. I'm pretty sure that won't happen next year, but maybe 2023? Who knows?

That would be pretty fucking cool.

Oh yeah, and sorry for almost creating a cult during and after the live reading of my story, "Butt Club," from Tales of Unspeakable Taste.