GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #1019: IS IT TIME?

 My weight goal has always been to get down to 200 pounds, ever since I went on my first diet in the summer between high school and college. I'd eaten McDonald's for dinner every night for five years at that point, and when I saw the video of me graduating, I thought I looked like Chris Farley. Not face-wise. I was heavy, and I moved like him.

Nothing against Farley. He was a funny dude. All the same, I did not want that for me.

I weighed 246 at the time. That summer, I lost forty pounds. I could fit in size L t-shirts again for the first time since I was in sixth grade. I kept struggling, but I plateaued at 205 before I ballooned out to 306.

I know I've gone over this before here, but I do have a few new readers who might not be aware.

Yesterday I went to the doctor and got weighed. I'm at 199, which means I can probably fit in L t-shirts again, but I don't want to. I think wearing the next size up is always more comfortable.

Also, the bottom of the shirt might not look all that great.

Not gonna lie, I have a spare tire of loose skin around my waist, and it does not look good. My belly button looks puckered. If I wore a smaller shirt, I think it would be a lot more obvious to everyone around me, and I'm not a big fan of this loose skin. It does not look good.

But when I'm wearing a shirt? So long as it's not tucked in, I look pretty damned good. Maybe even a little sexy. My face is a lot thinner, too. I can see my cheekbones now, for example. So I'm wondering if maybe I should shave the beard I usually hide my face fat behind. I don't think I have a double chin anymore, so do I really need the hair to hide it? The beard looks good. Great, even. But maybe it's time to show my face again.

What do you all think? Should I shave the beard? Growing one is fucking annoying, so if it doesn't look good, I'll be stuck with it for a while. Is it time?

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #514: CYCLES OF FAT

When I was a kid in elementary school I was in pretty good shape. Skinny. Athletic. I played baseball and was hell on an obstacle course. So how did I become the fat ass I am today?

My first fat began in junior high. It really started in fifth grade because I broke my leg and had to stay off of it for a while. It irritated me because we were having our last obstacle course that year, and I had to sit it out. I loved doing that shit, and when you leave elementary school, you no longer get to do obstacle courses. I also missed out on getting my Weblos badge from Cub Scouts, which I really enjoyed doing. I learned a lot as a young lad in uniform, and it sticks in my craw to this day that I never got my final badge. And there were a few other factors.

So I learned to accept my sedentary life to the point where I started kinda liking it. I got no more exercise, and because I sat around and ate like shit all the time, I put on some weight. I was pudgy in junior high. I continued my first fat through high school. I'd decided to eat nothing but McDonald's every night for five straight years. That did not do well for my physical wellbeing.

When I saw my graduation video I looked like Chris Farley. It horrified me, so I spent that summer, before going to college, on the fast track to lose weight. I started off at 245 lbs., and by the time I started college I was down to 205. I looked pretty fucking good back then. I still needed to lose a bit more weight, and my target was 200 even. I never got that low. The closest was about 202, maybe.

Through a set of awful circumstances, I began my second fat while finishing up college. I blew up to 306 lbs., and no one believed me when I said I weighed that much. If we had cell phones capable of taking pictures back then, I would have taken one of me on the scale. (And I would have had all ten toes!) I guess I carried it well. And hey, I still managed to get laid, so it must not have been all that bad.

I got back to yoga and exercise and jogging, and while I managed to get back down to 245, I've never been able to get lower than that. I'm currently on my third fat, and I'm usually anywhere between 250 and 270. Unless I've been in the hospital for my stomach issues. I've been able to get down to 235 in those moments, but they don't really count. When I can eat again, I shoot back up to 245.

Yesterday my endocrinologist told me that I'm 249 lbs. It's better than I expected. Getting out of detox, my food consumption has skyrocketed. I thought I was back up to 270. Still, I could lose some weight. Most definitely. I hope to fuck I don't wind up doing a fourth fat. Cannabis makes me very hungry, and I've been eating more than one dinner. I've got to stop doing that.

Because with my bad foot, I can't exercise anymore. I have to stay off it as much as possible, or I risk losing that foot. So if I start that fourth fat, I'm pretty sure that will be the way my corpse will look when I die. I'll be fat Elvis again.

Did I ever tell you that my nickname way back when was Elvis? Back then I had sideburns that somehow grew beyond my control and became muttonchops. I looked like fat Elvis when I was young. It would be horrible to be fat Elvis when I'm old.