GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #782: INK BY THE BARREL

 

Mark Twain said that, and he was talking about journalists. I always bring my shit hammer of truth down on the lack of journalistic ethics these days, but tonight is about saying fuck you to the Man. Because there's a startling new trend going on in local communities when it comes to the press. The way those in power deal with reporters is by ticketing them or even arresting them, both things in clear violation of the First Amendment.

I'm not going to go too deeply into these stories. If you want to, here's one. Here's another. And this third one is what brought the whole thing to my attention. I'm going to talk about that a little because Calumet City isn't that far from me, and this reporter's editor had a few important things to say.

The Fourth Estate is important to any society that at the very least pretends to be democratic, like our own, because they're the ones whose job it is to call out the powerful for their bullshit. If you're throwing journalists in jail or even so much as vaguely threatening them, you are not just standing in the way of democracy, you are also supporting fascism. By being a fascist.

So yeah. People who ticket and jail and threaten journalists for doing their job are lower than whale shit. It's odd that it needs to be said, but it needs to be said. Here is what the Calumet City editor said about it:

“You get used to it a little bit on the national scale, but now we’re seeing it in very small municipalities with mayors, and that’s a disturbing trend and we need to call it out when we see it,” Pugh told The Associated Press. “A public official ought to know better than to basically use a police force to try to intimidate a reporter who’s just doing his job.”

Which warms the cockles of my heart, by the way. It means there are still journalists actually doing journalism instead of the clickbait and the rushed stories you see plastered all over the internet. If politicians are threatening to throw you in jail for telling the truth about them, you're living life correctly. They're the ones who are fucked.

If you remember nothing else that I've said in these GF columns, please remember that one.

PS: Every day should be a day to say fuck you to the Man. Please retain this for your records.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #252: PATRIOTISM

Ever wonder why the very first amendment of the Bill of Rights is the right to free speech, etc.? It's because the founding fathers were familiar with being unable to have their own thoughts and opinions in the face of a fascistic government. They wanted to ensure that people who disagreed with their government could make their voices heard without fear of official reprisal.


That means that one of the finest duties of a proud American is to be a voice of dissent. If you see your government acting poorly, it is your right and duty to point it out as loudly as you can without being punished for it by said government.


"I should do what that guy says because he is president of the United States." If you have ever had that thought, I highly suspect you're not a proud American, no matter how much you think the opposite is true. We're Americans because goddammit. We see wrongs being committed, and we point it out. Good guys don't see social injustice and stand by and say nothing. We say shit. Our government is wrong, and I'm saying so right now.


I've been asked why I love westerns so much. I can only point out that I agree with Bill Hicks. Here's what he has to say on the matter: "But like so many kids brought up on a steady diet of Westerns, I have always wanted to be the avenging cowboy hero--that lone voice in the wilderness, fighting corruption and evil wherever I found it, and standing for freedom, truth and justice. And in my heart of hearts I still track the remnants of that dream wherever I go in my endless ride into the setting sun."


I have those words on my bedroom wall. It makes me tear up every time I read them.


These fucking Nazis--and I refuse to call them alt-right because they are fucking Nazis--are now running our country. Friends, loved ones and even those who disagree with me, you all can agree that America is based on the idea of freedom, yes? Here's a clue that freedoms are being trampled on: whenever someone uses the word "ban." When that word is invoked, it means someone's freedom is being infringed upon. Every other word out of Donald J. Trump's stupid fucking mouth is the word "ban."


He is unAmerican. He is taking freedoms away. He is shitting all over the Bill of Rights and the Constitution of the United States of America.


Fuck. I hate to say it, but everyone who says that he's not *my* president is trying to hide from our situation. He *is* our president. That's the fucking problem. We need to change this.


I am a proud American. I think I would be no matter where I was born in the world. Bill Hicks also joked that he was a proud American because his parents fucked here once. But I love this country and everything it says it stands for. All that shit is bullshit, of course. This government has a habit of trampling all the wonderful things we're supposed to be, and it's been doing that for at least 50 years. Maybe more.


I've disagreed with every single fucking president we've had since I've been politically aware (ie. since Bush I). Even Obama was wrong. Obamacare should have been free for everybody within our borders. Would you pay a bill when you had to call the police to come save you from home invaders? Would you pay a bill when you had to call the fire department because your house was burning down? Do you think you should pay a bill because you have cancer and want to live? Or maybe when your house was burning down your body got covered in life threatening burns? Healthcare should be a fucking free service, just like the PD and FD. Obama was wrong. He should have pushed harder. Just like any American president should have but never will because insurance is a big fucking business.


A very close friend of mine is in the habit of saying that the government is in the business of "polite fascism." For as long as I have known him, he is correct. This time he is wrong. The days of polite fascism are over. Welcome to the era of actual fascism. Trump has already tried to ban actual, real, legal Americans from reentering their home because they're not the right color. They're not the right religion.


That is wrong. That is unAmerican. That is against everything that built this country.


I stand against every president we've ever had. But Trump has my special interest. I will stand against Trump for as long as I have breath. For as long as he's in the White House. For as long as he has a breath to utter his crazy and evil bullshit.


I believe in freedom of speech. I believe that Trump has the right to say the horrible things he's said. But he's in a position where he can enforce that shit. That's got to stop. That's why it's OK to punch a Nazi. Because a Nazi will humiliate you. They will mark you. And then they will put you in an oven if you are lucky. Otherwise they've got a mad bastard who would be very happy to run inhuman experiments on you.


Here's the thing that sucks: there is nothing civil we can do about this. Trump has the executive branch. He has the legislative branch. He almost has the judicial branch.


I'm almost a pacifist. Like, a pussy hair away from it. But maybe--just maybe--it's time to water the tree of liberty . . . not with the blood of patriots but with the blood of tyrants. Those who claim to be patriots.


All right. I'll get back to my dick jokes and booze haze. I just had to get that off my chest.