GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #3: SAVING THE WORLD

If you're a decent human being, you want to save the world. We all have our plans on how we would do it. What we would outlaw. What we would decriminalize. Things like that. I've been watching TYRANT, and I enjoy it thoroughly. I couldn't recommend it, because I don't know a lot of people who would like it. I didn't have high hopes from watching the previews, but I was sick when the series premiere aired, and I had nothing to do. So I watched it, and I fell in love with it. Why? Because it satisfies one of my major interests: saving the world. Like I said, we all have solutions to what we perceive to be the world's problems. Unlike most who actually try to put their plans in motion, my hubris (big as it may be) isn't quite large enough. The show features an Arab from an important family who escapes his tradition to live in America. He goes back home for a family wedding, but when his father--the local dictator--dies, he decides to stick around because he thinks he can help make the region a better place. That's very noble, but it depends on a lot of things. What works in America wouldn't work in other places and vice versa. What would I do if I were in charge of the US? I have a lot of ideas, and I think some of them are realistic. Most aren't. If you'll remember from last night, I sometimes think up fantasies to get to sleep whenever I'm not drinking. This is another one of them. I want to solve the world's problems, but what if my perspective is wrong? What if I make things worse? The people who instated the Prohibition of the Great Depression thought they were making things better, but instead they created organized crime. Whoops. Who wants to make things worse? No one. But who knows enough to think things through? What sounds like a good idea could turn out to be absolute shit, and that's why I don't run for office. That's what sets me apart from other idealists. So many people are hell-bent on changing the world to suit their own views that it's scary. For example, I'm an atheist. I think that's a completely reasonable viewpoint, but there are a lot of people--maybe even the majority--who think I'm a danger to society. I don't think I am. I'm pretty sure a lot of people would back me up on that. But sometimes, I'm paralyzed by my own fear that I could be wrong. It makes me bullheaded. I try to be a reasonable person, but I doubt myself a great deal. I doubt others a lot, too.


Hence my life philosophy: just so long as you don't hurt anyone else, you should be able to believe whatever you want. As soon as you hinder another's freedom (and that includes freedom from being hurt by someone else), you can go fuck yourself.

OLD FORESTER DOESN'T FUCK AROUND: A whiskey review

“What America needs now is a drink.” --FDR upon the repeal of Prohibition

Did you know that whiskey wasn’t always bottled? Before 1870, you could only buy it by the barrel, and it wasn’t until a pharmaceutical salesman from Louisville came along with a brilliant plan to bottle the stuff that it was. George Garvin Brown, in an attempt to ensure that the customer received a quality product (because retailers sometimes screwed around with the barrels), decided to sell his Kentucky Bourbon in sealed bottles. On the label of each bottle, he hand-penned his promise of quality to his customer, and so Old Forester was born.

Ah, but 1870 was definitely before Prohibition, right? Old Forester, like all the other booze in the nation, had to take a 13 year break from production, right? Wrong. Mr. Brown, ever the forward-thinking individual, applied for a government license so he could continue selling his wares during that dark, ugly period of American history. Only six distilleries were granted such permission, and it was only on the grounds of medicinal purposes.

That’s right. Old Forester is one of the only Bourbons to have continuously been sold in America, despite Prohibition. It is a matter of pride with them, and on December 5, 2008, they released a special batch to commemorate the 75th anniversary of the repeal of Prohibition. For a mere $6.99, you can buy this package. Within, you will receive a commemorative glass with the Old Forester logo on it, a pint bottle of 90-proof Old Forester with a reproduction of Mr. Brown’s famed label (complete with the archaic spelling of whiskey, “whisky”), and a scroll containing a reproduction of the heroic 21st Amendment signed by the Speaker of the House of Representatives and the Vice President of the United States at the time.

But what good is such an august history without a quality taste? As far as 90-proof Bourbons go, the taste of this one is smooth, but there is enough edge behind it to remind a customer that this is, indeed, potent stuff. And as with others of its ilk, the scent is strong enough to make a corpse grimace, which is the perfect indication of a good, clean intoxication to come. There is very little doubt as to why a fan club has sprouted up from this fine alcoholic beverage, the 1870 Society. If you think you are a fan of whiskey, and you have not tried Old Forester yet, then you need to reevaluate your position on life.

Happy drinking!