All right, we're going to talk shit tonight. Literally. I know that's not many people's thing. It's not my thing, either. You might want to skip this one.
It's my 292nd day without alcohol. For maybe the last 10 years or so while drinking heavily every day, I developed a problem. Every bowel movement was diarrhea. Violent and unrelenting diarrhea. Except when I was on painkillers. Nothing binds a shit together quite like opioids.
Then I went to detox, and since then my shits have been rock solid. Like taking an opioid shit without the benefit of actually being on opioids. Every shit has been a struggle. I used to flippantly refer to people "shitting a brick" before, and now I have an idea of what that is actually like. Some of these shits come out of me so hard and vicious that I'm surprised I don't have anal fissures. These things stretch me out to the absolute limit without tearing me.
I got sick of it, so I got a referral to a gastroenterologist. I've seen him before, actually. He's been at this so long he was my grandfather's gastroenterologist for a while. About a week or so back, his nurse advised me to take Miralax. It worked pretty well for a bit, but then it got me back to shitting ditch water.
I saw him today, and we're working on medications to get me at a happy medium. A mushy solid would be nice. Something I don't have to strain to release.
In the meantime, I am turning 45 in a few months. That means that my first colonoscopy is in my near future. In fact, I scheduled it today. The doctor is going to give it to me at both ends, actually. He's scoping my mouth and my ass on the same day.
It is my fervent hope that he doesn't go ass to mouth. And yes, I'm getting knocked out for this. No way they're doing that to me while I'm conscious.
