USED BOOKS AND POSTERS FOR SALE!

[EDIT: The sale is now over. Thank you to everyone who bought something.]


My life is waaaaaay too cluttered. I have to get rid of some stuff. I'm selling a bunch of books and posters. It's not because I don't love them, but it may be because I didn't get much out of them, or I have more than one copy, but they've got to go. I'm offering them up to those who follow me first. Whatever is left by Halloween is going to Half Price Books. If you're interested in a book, they're $2 each. The posters are .50. If you live close enough to pick them up from me, that's it. UPDATE: Due to circumstances beyond my control, I can no longer ship posters. Apparently USPS and UPS considers them "oddly shaped" and therefore cannot ship for less than $12. If you want to take that insane leap, I'll do it, but I somehow don't see anyone wanting that. You can contact me in the comments, Facebook, Twitter, etc., or you can send requests to tabardinnedgewoodent@yahoo.com. I hope you all find something you like, and first come, first serve.

Allbeury, Ted

            -Shadow of Shadows

Allingham, Margery

            -Traitor’s Purse

Anderson, Poul

            -The King of Ys: The Dog and the Wolf with Karen Anderson

Anscombe, Roderick

            -The Secret Life of Laszlo, Count Dracula

Arensberg, Ann

            -Incubus

Austen, Jane

            -Emma

            -Northanger Abby

Bacon-Smith, Camille

            -Daemons, Inc.

Barbour, David

            -Shadows Bend with Richard Raleigh

Black, Campbell

            -Letters from the Dead

Blatty, William Peter

            -Elsewhere

Block, Thomas H.

            -Orbit

Bolin, MC

            -Armageddon

            -Gone in 60 Seconds

Bowker, David

            -The Death Prayer

Brand, Max

            -Donegan

            -Gun Gentlemen

            -The Guns of Dorking Hollow

            -The White Wolf

Breslin, Catherine

            -Unholy Child

Brooks, Owen

            -The Gatherer

Brooks, Terry

            -The Black Unicorn

            -The Elfstones of Shannara

            -The Sword of Shannara

            -The Wishsong of Shannara

Burney, Frances

            -Evelina

Carcaterra, Lorenzo

            -Apaches

Caunitz, William J.

            -Black Sand

            -Pigtown

Cheshire, Giff

            -Stronghold

Cline, C. Terry

            -Reaper

Collins, Larry

            -The Fifth Horseman with Dominique Lapierre

Cook, Judith

            -The Slicing Edge of Death

Coyne, John

            -The Legacy

Cunningham, Jere

            -The Visitor

Darnton, John

            -Neanderthal

David, Peter

            -Batman Forever

Deaver, Jeffery

            -The Coffin Dancer

Defoe, Daniel

            -Robinson Crusoe

Dekker, Thomas

            -The Shoemaker’s Holiday

DiPego, Gerald

            -Keeper of the City

Doyle, Sir Arthur Conan

            -The Complete Sherlock Holmes

            -The Complete Sherlock Holmes vol. 1

            -A Study in Scarlet and The Hound of the Baskervilles

Edwards, Anne

            -Haunted Summer

Eidson, Bill

            -The Guardian

Elrod, PN

            -A Chill in the Blood

            -The Dark Sleep

Eulo, Ken

            -The House of Caine

Farmer, Philip Jose

            -The Dark Design

Farris, John

            -Sharp Practice x 2

Faulkner, William

            -Light in August

            -Sanctuary

            -The Sound and the Fury

Franklin, Max

            -The Dark

Gardner, Craig Shaw

            -Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Return to Chaos

Garrett, Randall

            -Lord Darcy

Garrison, Webb

            -Civil War Curiosities

            -More Civil War Curiosities

Gems, Jonathan

            -Mars Attacks!

Gipe, George

            -Explorers

Goddard, Ken

            -Cheater

Goldsborough, Robert

            -The Last Coincidence

Griffin, WEB

            -The Core: Semper Fi

            -The Victim

Grisham, John

            -The Firm

Hall, Karen

            -Dark Debts

Hambly, Barbara

            -Those Who Hunt the Night

Hamilton, Laurell K.

            -Burnt Offerings

Harris, Richard

            -Enemies

Harvey, Clay

            -A Flash of Red

Heffernan, William

            -Ritual

Hemingway, Ernest

            -A Farewell to Arms

            -The Old Man and the Sea

Henley, Beth

            -The Miss Firecracker Contest

Herbert, Frank

            -Dune Messiah and Children of Dune

Herbert, James

            -Moon

Hitchens, Dolores

            -Stairway to an Empty Room

Hogan, Chuck

            -The Blood Artists

Hogan, Ray

            -Pilgrim

Horovits, Leslie Alan

            -The Donors with H. Harris Gerhard

Huggins, James Byron

            -Cain

            -Hunter

James, Henry

            -The Portrait of a Lady

Jensen, Carl

            -20 Years of Censored News

Karlin, Wayne

            -Lost Armies

Katz, Shelley

            -The Lucifer Child

Katz, William

            -Death Dreams

Kellerman, Jonathan

            -The Butcher’s Theater

Kerr, Philip

            -Esau

King, Stephen

            -Carrie

            -Cujo

            -The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger

            -The Dead Zone x 2

            -Different Seasons x 2

            -Firestarter

            -Misery

            -Night Shift x 3

            -Salem’s Lot x 2

            -The Shining

            -Skeleton Crew

            -The Stand

            -The Tommyknockers

Kiraly, Marie

            -Mina

Knight, Kathryn Lasky

            -Mumbo Jumbo

Kunstler, James Howard

            -The Wampanaki Tales

Kyd, Thomas

            -The Spanish Tragedy

LeFanu, J.S.

            -Uncle Silas

Leroux, Gaston

            -The Phantom of the Opera

Lowen, James W.

            -Lies Across America

Lucas, George

            -Shadow Moon with Chris Claremont

Luceno, James

            -The Shadow

Lutz, John

            -Bonegrinder

Martin, Malachi

            -Hostage to the Devil

Mason, Bobbie Ann

            -Shiloh and Other Stories

McCarrick, Chris Shea

            -Now You See Her

McNally, Clare

            -Somebody Come and Play

McNally, Terrence

            -Lips Together Teeth Apart

Melville, Herman

            -Moby Dick

            -Typee

Menninger, Karl

            -The Crime of Punishment

Menzies, gavin

            -1421

Mercado, Carol

            -A Voice from the Grave

Murphy, Pat

            -There and Back Again

Newman, Sharan

            -Guinevere

Norton, Andre

            -Here Abide Monsters

Onetti, Juan Carlos

            -Body Snatcher

Parkin, Lance

            -Dr. Who: The Infinity Doctors

Pasternak, boris

            --Dr. Zhivago

Pelton, Robert Young

            -The World’s Most Dangerous Places

Pool, Daniel

            -Dickens’ Fur Coat and charlotte’s Unanswered Letters

Pope, Alexander

            -Essay on Man and Other Poems

Prachett, Terry

            -Guards! Guards!

Presler, Jerome

            -Last Man Standing

Preston, Richard

            -The Cobra Effect

Profumo, Tony

            -The Mime

Pulver, Joseph S.

            -Nightmare’s Disciple

Rainey, Rich

            -Haunted History

Ralston, Gilbert A.

            -Ben

Ramos, Manuel

            -The Ballad of Gato Guerrero

Ravenswood, Fritzen

            -The Witching

Reuben, Shelly

            -Origin and Cause

Roby, Mary Linn

            -When the Witch is Dead

Rosen, RD

            -Strike Three, You’re Dead

Rucka, Greg

            -Batman: No Man’s Land

Salinger, JD

            -The Catcher in the Rye

            -Franny and Zooey

Saperstein, Alan

            -Camp

Schmidt, Stanley

            -Tweedlioop

Schoel, William

            -Saurian

Scotti, RA

            -The Devil’s Own

Shakespeare, William

            -Four Tragedies (Romeo & Juliet, Macbeth, Hamlet and Julius Caesar)

            -Henry IV, pt. 1

            -Romeo and Juliet

Sharman, Nick

            -The Surrogate

Shaw, Bernard

            -Saint Joan x 2

Sheridan, Richard Brinsley

            -The School for Scandal

Simak, Clifford D.

            -Over the River and Through the Woods

Silone, Ignazio

            -Bread and Wine

Slater, Ian

            -Showdown USA vs. Militia

Stackpole, Michael A.

            -A Hero Born

Stanwood, Brooks

            -The Glow

Stout, David

            -Hell Gate with Ruth Furie

Straub, Peter

            -Koko

            -Shadowland

Tan, Amy
            -The Kitchen God’s Wife

Teresi, Dick

            -Lost Discoveries

Thomas, Craig

            -Firefox

Tine, Robert

            -The Hand that Rocks the Cradle

Traver, Robert

            -Anatomy of a Murder

Turtledove, Harry

            -How Few Remain

            -The Two Georges with Richard Dreyfuss

Vaughan, Robert

            -Yesterday’s Reveille

Walker, Dale L.

            -Mavericks

Weaver, Michael D.

            -My father Immortal

Wharton, Edith

            -The House of Mirth

Whitten, Leslie

            -The Alchemist

Williams, Walter J.

            -The Rift

Wolfe, Gene

            -The Book of the New Sun with poster

Woolfolk, William

            -The Sendai

Wouk, Herman

            -The Caine Mutiny

            -City Boy: Adventures of Herbie Bookbinder

            -Don’t Stop the Carnival

Ancient Mysteries by Peter James and Nick Thorpe

The Book of Dzyan edited by Tim Maroney

Caesar’s Gallic Wars I-IV

Carnage at Christhaven from the Chrysostom Society

Great American Folklore

Independence Day by Dean Devlin, Roland Emmerich and Stephen Molstad

The Legacy of Heorot by Larry Niven, Jerry Pournelle and Steven Barnes

The Pendtragon Chronicles

Portable Steinbeck

Post Reader of Civil War Stories

QPB Treasury of North American Folktales

Scroll of Thoth edited by Richard L. Tierney

Seven Masterpieces of Gothic Horror

The Weird Wide Web by Erfert Fenton and David Pogue

STAR TREK

-Blood Thirst by JM Dillard

-Deep Domain by Howard Weinstein

-The Entropy Effect by Vonda McIntyre

-Final Frontier by Diane Carey

-Memory Prime by Gar and Judith Reeves-Stevens

-The Voyage Home by Vonda McIntyre

STAR WARS

-Attack of the Clones by RA Salvatore

-The Black Fleet Crisis by Michael P. Kube-McDowell

-Children of the Jedi by Barbara Hambly

-The Corellian Trilogy by Roger MacBride Allen

-The crystal Star by Vonda McIntyre

-Dark Tide by Michael A. Stackpole

-Darksaber by Kevin J. Anderson

-The Phantom Menace by Terry Brooks

-The Planet of Twilight by Barbara Hambly

-Rogue Planet by Greg Bear

-The Truce at Bakura by Kathy Tyers

-Vector Prime by RA Salvatore

-X-Wing The Bacta War by Michael A. Stackpole

-X-Wing Iron Fist by Aaron Allston

-X-Wing The Krytos Trap by Michael A. Stackpole

-X-Wing Solo Command by Aaron Allston

-X-Wing Wedge’s Gamble by Michael A. Stackpole

-X-Wing Wraith Squadron by Aaron Allston

THIEVES’ WORLD

-Beyond Sanctuary by Janet Morris

-Beyond the Veil by Janet Morris

-Beyond Wizardwall by Janet Morris

-The Price of Victory edited by Robert Lynn Aspirin and Lynn Abbey

X-FILES

-Anti-Bodies by Kevin J. Anderson

-Fight the Future by Elizabeth Hand

-Ground Zero by Kevin J. Anderson

-Ruins by Kevin J. Anderson

POSTERS

BATMAN AND ROBIN

CARS

THE CRAZIES (remake)

ENCHANTED

FOLKS!

GHOST IN THE DARKNESS

HIDEAWAY

THE HOUSE OF USHER

THE INVADERS

INDEPENDENCE DAY

K2

LOTR: THE TWO TOWERS

MASTER AND COMMANDER

MCBAIN

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL

RELENTLESS 3

RESIDENT EVIL AFTERLIFE

SHAFT (remake)

SPLICE

SWITCH

THE TEMP

THE VANISHING

VIRTUOSITY

X-FILES

HORROR AND BIZARRO BOOKS FOR SALE!

After the Printer's Row show in Chicago this year, there were a few Rooster Republic and StrangeHouse books left over. Rather than ship them back to the publishers, I offered to try to sell them at Flashback Weekend and Days of the Dead. Unfortunately, it turns out that I can't get into Days of the Dead as a seller. I'm told there's not even a waiting list for the show. So I'm going to sell them here if I can. What follows is a list of books I'm selling, some on my own behalf, some on behalf of the publishers. If you see anything you like, contact me in the comments or on Facebook or Twitter or wherever you follow me. If all else fails, contact tabardinnedgewoodent@yahoo.com. If you're buying one of my books, let me know if/how you want it inscribed.


-5 copies of TALES OF QUESTIONABLE TASTE by John Bruni

-2 copies of POOR BASTARDS AND RICH FUCKS by John Bruni

-1 copy of SLAUGHTERTOWN CIRCUS by KM Tepe

-1 copy of THE FARROWING by Jesse Wheeler

-1 copy of STRANGER DANGER by Kevin Strange and Danger_Slater (these are signed by Danger! Plus, this is no longer a StrangeHouse Book. This is going to be a collector's item!)

-1 copy of TALL TALES WITH SHORT COCKS vol. 3

-1 copy of I AM GENGHIS CUM by Violet LeVoit (because I got a second copy by being a part of the Fungasm crowdsourcing thing)

To sweeten the pot, I'm offering the usual convention deal: each book is $10, or 3 for $25. If you live close enough to me to pick them up yourself, that's it. If I'm shipping these out to you, add a dollar for each book you want. Cool?

HEY FUCKERS #24: MY THOUGHTS ON ATLAS SHRUGGED BY AYN RAND

[AS POSTED TO GOODREADS]


Whoo-boy. Where do I start with this book? If capitalism could have a wet dream, it would be ATLAS SHRUGGED. It is insane and outlandish and unreasonable. But it is also entertaining. I tend to enjoy Ayn Rand's work despite her best efforts. That's an odd thing to say, I know, but I'll try to break it down.


First, the things I liked: I really appreciate how well Rand gets corporations nailed down. If you ask someone who lives the corporate lifestyle a direct question, you will always get a long, rambling, meaningless answer, even if it's a yes or no question. No one wants to make any decisions because if they're wrong, they'll be blamed. Culpability is certainly shifted around constantly in this book until it nails some poor guy who didn't really have much to do with whatever went wrong. It's also like these corporate swine can't hold a decent conversation with intelligent people. There are quite a few instances of Dagny talking with someone, and it's like there are two conversations happening. Dagny asks direct questions, and the other person will ramble on about their life story, or whatever. They just have this narrative in their head that they have to get out, and poor Dagny gets stuck listening to it. I really identify with this kind of dialogue because I deal with it constantly every day at work.


The things I don't like are a bit hard to discuss because they start with something I do like. I agree with many of Rand's ideas, as I'm sure most creative people would. I'm a strong believer in independent thinking. I think taking other people's ideas to make it their own is a watery thing to do. I believe that if someone earns something, he or she should be able to keep it. Plus, if I may be so bold, I'm a bit selfish. As anyone who has ever dated me will attest, I tend to put myself before anyone else. I try not to, but that's my default setting.

The problem is, Rand takes it waaaaaaay too far. The heroes of this book are so fiercely individualistic that they don't care about anyone else (for the most part). They're so selfish that to help someone else is unthinkable to them. Not only that, but they are absolutely dedicated to the dollar. Their symbol is the dollar sign. It's even on their cigarettes. This is militant individualism, and it's too crazy for me. I do believe in helping people, after all. I do care about society. I do think that there should be safety nets because disaster can happen to any of us. I believe in pulling oneself up by the boot straps, as the old saying goes, but it's unhealthy to live your life dedicated to that kind of thing, and if you need a helping hand every once in a while, you should get it.


You know who makes the perfect Objectivists? Terminators. Not Arnold in the sequels, but Arnold in the first one. They are killing machines that stop at nothing until they achieve their objective, or they'll die trying. Remember that John Galt says he'll kill himself before letting the looters exert control over him.


The heroes are cold and inhuman. Ayn Rand, from what I understand, was the same way. Not only that, but I heard that she was buried with a garland in the shape of a dollar sign. So I guess people like that *can* exist. But generally speaking, I think they're rare (and possibly sociopaths).


The only time they're passionate is when they're making love, and Rand's description of these scenes makes it sound more like they're fighting each other. This is some violent sex, folks. In a way I kind of like it because it's not something I expected from her work. But on the other hand, I think it's kind of messed up because this is the only time in Dagny's life that she's submissive. I think it sends the message that strong women want to be treated like "just a woman" in bed, which I don't think is true, generally speaking. It's also out of character for her.


Rand uses interesting language in this book, though. I like the way that some of the tougher characters talk like sergeants in WWII movies. It's "goddam" this and "those bastards" that. Conversely I don't like the way that the looters, as she calls the villains, talk. They're all hysterical and screaming when something they don't like happens. And they all sound the same. They use the same phrases. Come to think of it, the heroes run together, too. There are two types of characters in this book: heroes and looters. The heroes all sound the same, and the looters all sound the same.


Two characters do not fall into either category: Cheryl Taggart and Eddie Willers. As a result, I actually like these two more than any of the other characters. In fact, I kind of identify with Eddie, mostly because I'm not a one-track-mind kind of guy. I also feel pretty helpless in the big picture, but I also find the situation funny. As America faces utter destruction from the looters and their red tape, Eddie utters a mad laugh, amused by the fact that no one is changing anything because they're all convinced that they're right.


Speaking of red tape, that's another thing about corporations that Rand gets spot on. I find there are way too many regulations in government, and they hamper real creativity. Yet once the red tape gets spinning, it's impossible to stop without destroying the system entirely. Which is pretty much John Galt's mission. I'd call that a spoiler in any other book, but this one is revealed 500 pages before the end, so to hell with it.


Speaking of length, the number one thing that annoyed me about this book is the sheer thickness of it. I'm not opposed to reading long books. When I was a kid, my favorite book in the world was Stephen King's THE STAND. The extended version, that is. My problem with Rand is that her prose is incredibly bloated. She needlessly repeats herself as if she was afraid that people would miss the point. Don't worry, Ms. Rand. We got it pretty solidly by the hundredth time you repeated it. Some characters get speeches that are pages long, and they're all rambling and repeating themselves a lot. For Christ's sake, the climax of the book is John Galt's 60 page speech. At the risk of coming off like Rand, let me repeat that so you can let it sink in: A 60 PAGE SPEECH. The edition I read is 1168 pages long. If I were to write this book, I think I could get it done in under 300.


The story is simple enough to do that. On the surface, it's about a woman who wants to build the best railroad she can in the face of her incompetent brother and her lovers' (that's not a typo) attempts at destroying America. Meanwhile, all the most competent men (and it's almost universally men) in the nation are being recruited by a mysterious man to live in a secluded valley from which they intend to rebuild America after they've let the looters destroy it.


This story actually takes a few odd turns, like when Dagny arrives accidentally at Galt's Gulch. (By the way, I should mention the completely insane idea that she piloted a plane to get there--and she doesn't know how to fly it, but she learns on the spot. That's how capable a person she is, I guess.) It has this weird feeling, like the end of THE WIZARD OF OZ. She's seeing all of these people who have disappeared, and it feels like Dorothy telling the farm hands that they were all in her dream. It's a pretty dreamy sequence, too. For a moment, I thought she'd died in the plane crash, and the afterlife turned out to be some kind of Capitalist Heaven. I wouldn't put that past Rand, even though there were still 500 pages to go in the book.


And I certainly didn't expect a book driven by ideas to have something as crude as a gunfight in the end. I do have a few things to say about that, but they're spoilers for real, and I try to avoid those for Goodreads reviews.


This is probably the longest I've written about a book since college, but I think I hit all the major points. I don't want to be as bloated as Rand, so I'm going to cut this off by saying this: for a book that aggravated me so much, I really enjoyed it. Despite all of its flaws, it's a good book, and Rand is a captivating writer when not endlessly repeating herself. If anyone else had pulled this BS, I would have quit on them. (Truthfully, I almost quit when I reached Galt's super-long speech, but I was already 1000 pages in, and I wasn't going to quit when I was that close to the finishing line.) As an added bonus, this book made me think a lot, and I really love a book that can do that.


WHAT I DIDN'T PUT INTO THE GOODREADS REVIEW (SPOILERS): There are two things that really turned me off about this book. One of them involved the gunfight in the end. It's one thing to be a cold, uncaring asshole, but it's another entirely to cold-bloodedly murder someone, as Dagny did in the end. When the heroes are trying to rescue John Galt from the looters, she holds a soldier at gunpoint. Granted, she gives him every opportunity not to get shot, and the dummy just couldn't give her a straight answer, but that's no excuse for shooting him in the heart. The other heroes get to commit a few murders, too, much in the same way she did. I'm a firm believer that people can be assholes. I, in fact, am an asshole. People can take me or leave me. That's their choice. But once you cross that line into hurting and/or killing people you disagree with, that's downright evil. That's some Hitler/Stalin-type shit right there. I get the idea that this is the kind of thing Objectivists think about when jerking off.


The other thing that bothered me was Eddie's demise. The last we see of him, he's a broken man, weeping on the railroad tracks before the monolithic Taggart train. I don't think he deserved that. I know that was part of Rand's heartless message, that even those who believe the importance of individualism despite being unable to do anything about the state of the world will perish with the looters. But still.


OK, that's it. Sorry if I bored the hell out of you. This is just something I had to get off my chest.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #151: DEATH OF A WIP

If you are a fellow author, and you have been in my presence for longer than a half an hour, you're probably aware of my unending battle with the novel I'm currently writing. I've been kicking this beast for many, many months, and it just doesn't want to work for me. Every time I sit down, getting a mere 100 words is agonizing. Nothing wants to move forward. It just wants to marinate in a stand-still.


This sucks because I like the characters a lot, and I think it's an interesting situation. It's a vampire book, but I think I do some different things with the undead. That's what's killing me the most: I LIKE THIS BOOK. But it just doesn't want to come out of my head. I know where I'm going with it, but it just doesn't want to get there.


I've been beating the shit out of myself trying to figure out why that was, and today I think I have my answer. This book has no soul. It has no soul because it has no purpose.


Alan Moore once said that you should always have a purpose when you write something, and I agree with him. It doesn't have to be front and center, but it should be there. I write entertaining (I hope) stories, and if someone wants to peek around for a deeper meaning, it's there for them to find.


It's not there for this WIP. As a result, the whole thing seems hollow to me, and that's why it's fighting me so hard. I'm just going to have to lay this one to rest. Maybe I'll come back to it someday, if I finally figure out what to do with it, but for now? I have to move on to something else.


This blows. I wish I'd figured this out almost 50,000 words ago. I lost so much time on this, it shames me. It's like trying to fix up a car that Bigfoot rolled over.


That's all right, I guess. [He said without making eye contact.] I have other projects I've been working on. There's one that's been sitting on my backburner for a looooong time. Sometimes I write something to figure out how I stand on a particular topic, or how I would react if something were to happen to me. I've got a doozy like that on my mind, so I think I'll work on that instead.


RIP, vampire WIP. Or maybe not. Vampires tend to rise again, don't they?

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #150: THE POST-CON DEPRESSION

This is a bit late in posting, but mostly it's because I've been super fucking busy. I just wanted to take a quick second to talk about something that I don't usually see writers discuss: the post-con depression.


There is something magical about a convention. It's exhausting because you have to perform for hours on end, doing your absolute best to sell your books (or, if you're fortunate enough, your table partner's books). Writing is an introverted thing; to suddenly be a book-slinging extrovert is hard to pull off for that kind of personality.


But a writer has to be both. When creating, a writer must be isolated and alone. Yet when selling, a writer must be outgoing and fun and adventurous. When you think about it, it's the perfect combination. It's the yin-yang personality all in one. It's actually a lot of fun because you get to talk with a bunch of strangers that are into the same shit you're into. Most times you don't even have to talk about your own work. You get to talk about cool shit you like, and if you sell a book, cool. That's the best part: talking about cool shit. That even extends to the fortunate few who have a table partner. At Flashback Weekend, I was lucky enough to have MP Johnson by my side. I could talk shop with him for hours on end because we've been at this for the same amount of time, and we have a lot of similar stories. Plus it helps that he's got a deep punk background and has some supercool stories. If you get the chance to work with him and you don't, you're a fool.


I'm wandering a bit from what I meant to talk about, but it's worth noting that hanging out and selling books with MP Johnson is fucking awesome, and it makes the post-con depression a little harder to take because even now, as I go to bed early to make it in time for my square job, I miss it. I miss it a lot.


By the end of Sunday, I was fucking exhausted. Yet I knew it was a rewarding experience, and not just because I sold a bunch of books. I took Monday off to recover, but when I woke up and realized that I couldn't go to Flashback and sell and talk and have fun because it was over, I felt a darkness wash over me. I didn't even want to get out of bed.


(Something else happened, and it hurts me waaaaaaay too much to talk about right now. Maybe someday, but it certainly added to my overwhelming depression that day.)


I don't want to write. I NEED to write, and I've been doing this for a long time. It's great to have the modicum of success I've had, and it's a harbinger of what's to come. But when I clocked into my square job on Tuesday, the finality crept in. I couldn't do the awesome shit I really had fun with because I had to work at a 9-5 (except in my case it's more like 5:45 am to 2:15 pm). I honestly believe I was meant to do these shows and sell books and talk to awesome people all day, every day. To be stuck dealing with a square job? It nearly killed me.


To be fair, my square job is pretty nice. Plus I recently got a promotion. More money, better hours. Not bad, right? But I would much prefer to be doing cons and meeting people and selling shit and--you know. The best is when you have an awesome fellow author to sit at a table with. I've done it with MP Johnson and Kevin Strange, two awesome dudes who never run out of awesome things to say, whether it be about past experience or the industry. I wish I had those guys attached to each hip, just to remind me of how cool the cons are when I'm not stuck with my square job.


I guess the whole point of this rambling piece is to say that I would much rather hang out at cons with awesome people than be stuck at my square job. I'd really like to make that happen before I die. Until then, I guess I'm going to stick it out through the dark times of my mundane life.


PS: For those interested, my grandfather is doing much better. They moved him to hospice, but he's been getting better. I think he might actually be able to come home. Better news: the VA shaved his head. For as long as I've known him (ie. my entire life), he's been trying to pull off the worst comb-over in history. My grandmother noted that he looks like Bryan Cranston on BREAKING BAD, and I couldn't believe her. Not until I saw him. Holy shit, he looks younger and tougher than he's been in a while. I think he might actually pull through this. I'm an atheist, but I thank you all for your prayers. Your thoughts. All the friends who offered to help me. Everything and everyone. I wanted #150 to be a blockbuster, but it doesn't seem like much. Yet at the same time, it does. I think all of the anniversaries have something to do with Gramps.


Thank you, and goodnight.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #149: GRAMPS

I don't know what I can say. I'm sad and lonely and fucking scared. If you've followed me for a while, you know my grandfather, who had a major hand in raising me, has had difficulties of late. He's back in the VA because of his heart. The front valve, he says, isn't opening regularly. They told him that they can fix it with surgery, but he doesn't want to do that.

Oh fucking fuck. He's ready to die. I've known this for a while, but it hasn't been real until now.

I can barely type this through a veil of tears. He means so much to me, and I know he's ready to go. He has a pamphlet from the VA about going into hospice. INTO HOSPICE. When he told me that, I felt my eyes burning. I didn't want to cry in front of him because I wanted him to know I was strong enough for this.

But I saw something tonight that I've never seen before. My grandfather, my hero for as long as I've been alive, cried tonight. He bawled his eyes out. He begged me to take care of my grandmother. I've never seen him like this before, and I felt weak to my very core. It scared me more than I've ever been scared in my adult life.

God, I can't stop crying. Oh please. I'm sorry. Help me. Please. I'm losing my mind. I'm so scared.

They took him downstairs for PT today. He did pretty well until he fell when he was using the walker they gave him. I saw the bruises and the bandages. He told me his shoulder hurt so much, but he was afraid to ask for painkillers to help.

All of my life, he told me that he hated having a beard. He needed to be clean-shaven at all times. The only day of the week he didn't shave was Sunday, just because he wanted to relax. Tonight . . . tonight he has a beard. No one at the VA wants to shave him. I have never seen him with hair on his chin before, and it's scaring me a lot. He's got headaches that come and go, but when they're coming, he doesn't even look like my grandfather anymore. The little hair he has is wild. He has a beard. His face isn't like anyone I know. He holds his head in pain, and I don't know what I can say. I beg him to tell the staff, but he doesn't want to. He doesn't want to because I think he's ready for the end.

I'm not ready for that. I can't live without my grandfather. He's made so much of an impact on me that I don't know what I can do. I want him to come home. I want him to be OK. I want him to . . . I want him to BE.

I'm sorry for all the times I was impatient with him because he couldn't hear me. I'm sorry for all the times I was angry because he soiled himself and the floor. Please don't take him from me. I love him too much. I can't see myself living without him.

God, if you're really there, help me. Don't take my grandfather away. Please. I beg of you.

HOW TO GET STRIP FOR LESS THAN $15.25

It's great to have STRIP back in print, but holy hell that's a lot of money to charge for it. If I could get Amazon to sell it for cheaper, I would, believe you me.


But . . . well . . . there are two ways you can get it for less. Ten bucks, in fact. However, a lot of factors have to come together for you.


First of all, you have to be in the Chicagoland area on either August 1st or the weekend of August 7-9. In the case of 8-1, you'll have to be at G-Mart Comics in the city at 8 pm until whenever the new Bizarro Hour ends. In the case of 8-7 to 9, you have to be in Rosemont for Flashback Weekend. I will have copies of STRIP at both of these events, even though it is not bizarro or horror. And yes, I will be selling them for ten bucks a pop. Interested? Then come on out.


I'm not the only attraction at either of these places, kiddies. At the new Bizarro Hour, we'll have a bunch of awesome writers like:





And to top it all off, I'm sharing a table at Flashback with none other than the author of CATTLE CULT! KILL! KILL! himself, MP Johnson. (And, you know, there are a bunch of horror celebrities at the show, as well.) So yeah. Come on out, have some fun, buy some books. Maybe get drunk. Who knows? I hope to see you all over the course of the next couple of weekends!


EDIT: Want STRIP and my other books for EVEN LESS? Plus MP Johnson's books? Go here and print up a 10% off coupon for Flashback!