It has been one year and ninety days since my last drink, and it finally happened. I was wondering when it would happen due to my habits back in those days. It couldn't possibly be that it wouldn't happen. I'd hidden too much booze around my bedroom for there to not be any stashed away. I was starting to think I'd done a good job of getting rid of everything, but yesterday I found this bottle.
And there was still some booze left at the bottom. And it's Wild Turkey 101, my favorite alcoholic drink. Well, the favorite I can afford. My actual favorite is Bookers, but that costs nearly $90 a bottle these days.
So . . .
I didn't. Because shit's been even more difficult than usual around here. I feel like every fucking day is a struggle, and it's a struggle without victory. Sometimes I lose the battle and have to do it all over again for the sake of the war. Oftentimes it's a Pyrrhic victory. More often than not it's an ongoing fight without any end in sight. And it's wearing me down.
The only times I feel I'm not in a fight for my goddam life is when I'm reading or watching a show or movie. All other times I'm under a constant attack from every fucking problem I've ever had EXCEPT for booze. Until yesterday, I guess.
I don't think I'm going to drink it. If it's going to have any power to make my troubles go away, at least temporarily, then I'm going to need a lot more than that. But I think I'm going to keep it around. You might recall how I agree with Emilio Estevez as Billy the Kid when he said that you have to test yourself every day.
Should be a good test.
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