GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #923: CAFFEINE FREE DIET COKE

 Last week, in preparation for St. Louis, I decided to allow myself to drink Caffeine Free Diet Coke again. I've been eating dinner with water instead, so going back to cola was interesting for me. The problem is, when I started doing that again, I started waking up in the middle of the night again.

For the longest time I've been sleeping nearly through the night. I tend to wake up maybe fifteen minutes before my alarm goes off. But when I went back to the cola, I would wake up at two. Or three. Or four. And I'd try to go back to sleep, but I couldn't.

I got back home, so I'm back to drinking water at night. Somehow I have yet to sleep through the night. That irritates me. Getting a good night's sleep was doing wonders for me. It maybe even saved my sickness from coming back. It's possible that's why it's been a while since an attack.

I'm sick today, so we're keeping this one short. It's a cold, which I rarely get. I wonder if that's the trade off when it comes to my recurrent stomach problems. I get stuck with those, but I rarely get a cold. I think I'd rather get the colds.

Maybe it's a sign that the usual sickness is going away for a while. That would be nice. If I can make it to the end of the year without puking my guts out, I'll trust myself with more conventions next year.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #908: IS IT TIME AGAIN?

 This morning I went into the fridge to get my usual Monster energy drink. I realized I only had two left, just enough to get me through the rest of my work week. I've been toying with the idea of quitting caffeine again, and now would be a good opportunity to try again, but I'm not entirely sure.

Printers Row was a little difficult for me this year. Maybe it's just me getting older, or maybe it's the horrible fucking year of shit I've had, but the lit fest wore me out this year. For the first time ever I didn't feel like going for the second day. Caffeine helped me survive. I should have been thrumming with energy, but I felt low and tired and exhausted.

In October I'll be at Authorcon IV. It's the first con I've done in a long time. Back in the day I was always high energy, but I was also drunk all the time. If the effect of Printers Row was that bad, I'm not sure how I'll survive an actual 3-day convention without caffeine.

By the way, just so we're on the same page, a while ago I mentioned that I was going to try to quit Caffeine Free Diet Coke. I did! Instead of getting a couple of 12 packs every week, I now only get myself a Coke Zero for Wednesday nights and a regular Coke for Saturday nights. Just regular bottles, not a liter or anything. That's pretty astounding, all things considered.

I wondered if maybe I could quit caffeine and then just charge back into it full force in October, but that doesn't sound like a good idea. I think I'm just going to hold off for now and give it a shot when I come back home.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #498: TODAY'S PROBLEM

 OK, it's not really today's problem, but since I got out of detox it has amplified quite a bit. This goes back a few years to the first time I tried quitting caffeine. But now, not only am I alcohol free, but I'm also caffeine free, too. And I'd like to stay that way as much as possible.

It pisses me off that whenever I go to a restaurant, be it fast food or whatever, I need to choose between having sugar and having caffeine. They simply don't have an option that is caffeine free and sugar free. I'm a diabetic and an addict, so it's a tough fucking choice for me.

And I know. A lot of you may be saying to go with the caffeine because no one cares if you're addicted to that shit. It's practically a requirement to be human. "Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee" says just about everyone who works in a corporate office. Some of the same people who say that also look down on alcoholics and junkies and other addicts, which is pretty hypocritical if you ask me.

What's the harm? How does hypertension sound to you? Caffeine drives up your blood pressure, as it certainly did to me, so that's pretty unhealthy. And if you think you're not addicted to caffeine, try to stop. I'm good at quitting caffeine. I've done it at least a dozen times. The withdrawal headaches are debilitating. You can't concentrate on anything except the pain, and aspirin is not going to work on that. I went into caffeine withdrawal once while I was in the hospital on morphine, and not even that cut through the headaches.

But I'm getting away from myself. Whenever I'm home, I drink Caffeine Free Diet Coke. It would be nice if that was an option in restaurants. Shit, I'll even take the Pepsi option, and I don't like Pepsi. I usually go with the caffeine free option because I have insulin that I can up the dosage on. But that can't be healthy, and it's certainly not cost effective for when I no longer have my insulin pens.

So f I get a diet drink, it's got caffeine. If I get something without caffeine, like Sprite or Sierra Mist or Mug root beer, it's got sugar in it. I could get water, but I drink water all the time. When I'm eating, I need a beverage with some taste to it.

I've found there is one and only one exception to this rule: White Castle. They have a Freestyle machine, so I can get my Caffeine Free Diet Coke. I guess I'm going to start answering the Crave more often these days.

And don't come at me with Burger King. Yes, they have a Freestyle. No, they don't have Caffeine Free Diet Coke. They only have a handful of options on their Freestyle, which defeats the fucking purpose of having a Freestyle. You're supposed to have those in order to have ALL Coke products on it. Might as well go back to the regular fountain machine, those fucks.

PS: I went to the York Theater today in Elmhurst, and though they have a mere fountain machine, THEY HAVE CAFFEINE FREE DIET COKE. So at least there's that.