GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #536: SIX DEGREES OF KEVIN BACON

 

So last week there was a thing going around social media about people trying to play the game Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon using themselves to see how close they can get. It turns out that I'm actually pretty close to him. A lot closer than I would have expected. Dig it:

I, John Bruni, wrote a story called "Family Man" in an anthology called A Hacked-Up Holiday Massacre.

I could use any number of authors in that one, but the easiest and fastest is Joe R. Lansdale. He wrote a Richard Matheson tribute story for He is Legend.

Richard Matheson wrote the book A Stir of Echoes.

That book was turned into this movie starring who? That's right. Kevin motherfucking Bacon.

Pretty neat, eh?

COOL SHIT 2-16-12

ROAD RAGE #1: I knew I’d like this one well before I picked it up, and not just because Stephen King and Joe Hill are listed as the writers. I’m very familiar with their adapted story, “Throttle,” so I already dig the characters and the situation. (Quick note: King and Hill just approved of the story; the guy who adapted it to the page is Chris Ryall.) And come on, let’s face it, this is a wet dream come true for horror fans. Father and son working together? Who could pass it up? I first encountered it as the audio book read by Stephen Lang, and I have loved it ever since. It was originally a part of an anthology, HE IS LEGEND, a collection of stories inspired by Richard Matheson. This one was inspired by DUEL, which will be adapted next for this title. So . . . am I turned-on by this? Like a motherfucker. The only problem is Ryall is a bit rushed, so some really good exposition goes right out the window. When these bikers start getting killed by the guy in the truck, I don’t give a shit about any of them. He also cut out one of my favorite exchanges from the story, about a four-letter word for something one character does to another’s mother. (The answer: GALL.) Still, it’s a good primer for King, Hill, and Matheson’s work, so check it out.

G.I. JOE: RETALIATION #1: The more I hear about the new G.I. Joe movie, the more I want to see it. I think it might just kick the shit out of the first one, and this movie prequel helps reinforce that idea. Mainframe gets taken hostage by ninja (as we learn in this issue, the plural of “ninja” is “ninja”), and Snake Eyes and Roadblock fail to get him back. In fact, Roadblock get so pissed off he decks Hawk and gets locked up for it. Also, they’re not afraid to kill Joes off. Charbroil goes out in a pretty nasty way. The only drawback: Storm Shadow’s still alive. Fuck that pussy shit. Kill off the guy, and don’t do any take-backs.

WONDER WOMAN #6: This book flounders a lot. It’s hard to say whether it’s good or not, but the current issue has a pretty cool concept. Wonder Woman is manipulating Poseidon and Hades together in an attempt to get something that she wants. Not bad, Azzarello. Not bad. The only thing is . . . do you miss writing for HELLBLAZER? Is that what this Lennox fellow is about? Because let’s face it, aside from the whole being built of stone thing, he’s Constantine. Come on. A blond, chain-smoking trenchcoated Englishman who knows his way around magic and sardonic one-liners? Why didn’t you just use Constantine? Get him out of that awful JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK book.

THE TRANSFORMERS: MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE #2: Goddam, do I love the direction this franchise is taking! Rodimus is still trying to account for everybody after their ship nearly exploded, and in the meantime, Skids, the theoretician of the group, gets to battle robots with giant swords. Cyclonus is inducted onto the team, and . . . and . . . I’m giddy. They even have a list of the crew on the last page. This could very well be the best series in the entire run of this book, and I’m even throwing the G1 stuff in there.

HELLBLAZER #288: I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited for this. Wait, actually I can: approximately 200 issues. John Constantine versus the First of the Fallen once again, and this time, the blue collar mage has chosen to take the ultimate gamble: the Devil’s Wager. The First gives him the chance to convince his sister to leave Hell, and if he succeeds, they’ll be rushed out. However, if he fails, the First gets Epiphany’s soul. And there’s a catch: any promise made in Hell must be honored in the land of the living. To add to the mess, Constantine’s evil twin is hanging around Cheryl in Hell (mostly because it’s entertaining). I cannot tell you how fucking happy I am right now. Comics have been really good to me today.

EVERYONE'S GOT ONE #12: THE STATE OF THE HORROR GENRE

Heh. Just kidding. I’m not going to talk about the state of the horror genre. Too many people have already done that, and many of them are far more qualified than me. But there is a question that has been plaguing my mind since I read Brian Keene’s thoughts on this subject. Before continuing, you should read it if you haven’t yet. Here’s the link. Go ahead, I’ll wait.


http://www.briankeene.com/?p=9691

Ready? Okay. Are we all in agreement that it is important to know the history of one’s chosen genre? (And it’s okay if you don’t want to be identified as a horror writer. As far as myself, I write whatever the fuck shows up in my head, be it horror, SF, mystery, or something completely unclassifiable. Anything except romance, although I have kind of an idea for a gothic romance novel. Regardless, I generally consider myself a horror writer. It’s where my heart is. It’s what I like the most. But I’m not married to it.)


Can we also agree that every writer has influences? Because let’s face it, even those cave artists Keene mentions found their inspiration in something else. I wear my influences on my sleeve. Stephen King, obviously, as well as Joe R. Lansdale, Jack Ketchum, Richard Matheson, and a number of others. Richard Laymon’s been lurking around in my head of late, too. As far as my non-fiction goes, it’s pretty clear that I follow the same path Harlan Ellison, Thomas F. Monteleone, and Keene himself have blazed. If you want, go down to the comments below and throw on a bunch of your influences. I’ll bet that every one of us will know every writer on that list. (Because I tend to keep the company of intelligent people.)


Now, here’s the question I have, the question that started this whole column. Those horror writers who don’t know their genre history, who don’t know who Robert Bloch is and why he’s significant, WHO THE FUCK ARE THEY READING?! They have to be inspired by someone, right? And they want to be horror writers, so chances are good the authors they’re familiar with are also horror writers. I’ll grant that no matter how bad at genre history they are, they’ve probably read King, Lovecraft, and Poe at the very least. But horror’s a big fuckin’ genre, man. They’ve got to be reading something else. And do not argue with me on this: all writers have to be readers. If they’re not readers, then what’s the point? Why do they want to be writers? Why do they want to produce something they would never use themselves? It makes no sense.


So who are they reading? To quote Jello Biafra, “I’m not telling you, I’m asking you.” Any ideas? Or is it possible that these guys are just kids? That they haven’t wandered too far in their reading? Let’s face it, that could be anyone posting on Shocklines. Maybe they’re not even old enough to shave yet.


But that’s not really an excuse. When I was in high school, I knew who the fuck Robert Bloch was. I knew why Ramsey Campbell was significant. I knew how important John Farris was to my own development as a writer. Algernon Blackwood, Arthur Machen, Lord Dunsany, I really didn’t care much for them, but I respected their relevance.


A while ago, Monteleone wrote in one of his MAFIA columns about the time he met Mickey Spillane. This was around when Spillane died. It impressed me so much that I wrote to Monteleone to express how jealous I was of him. He wrote back saying that he had hope for the new generation if young guys like me know who someone like Spillane is.


Go back over Keene’s speech again. Think back on all the authors he mentioned. I feel it is important for all of you to know who each and every one of them is. (Hell, it’s a challenge even for me; there were two names I didn’t recognize, but I assure you that I will become knowledgeable about them in the near future.) If you miss a few, don’t worry. No one is perfect. But do your homework. The fate of the genre—or any genre—depends on it.