GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #282: BLUE COLLAR

Sometimes I miss working a blue collar job. I have worked white collar for almost 15 years. I have been in telecom for just that long. You know what happens when you work in telecom? You realize that she shit you do almost means nothing.


I remember when I was a kid, and my mom would bring me to the park. Aside from playing Luke Skywalker on the bridges and at the pole, my favorite thing was the shovel. I'd sit down and scoop into the sand, digging as much as I could and casting it aside. I could never dig as deep as I wanted to, but I tried, goddammit.


Fast forward to now. I take the train to my telecom job in the city. Along the way, we pass several scrapyards. At one of them, we pause so some train employees can get on at the first car. I love watching as cranes pick up scrap metal and move it. It doesn't even make sense, but I like to watch it.


When I worked a blue collar job, I went home with the satisfaction that I actually accomplished something. In my white collar jobs, that's impossible. I never go home thinking I made the world a better place.


Here's the deal. Telecom works kind of like magic. I'm well versed in the history of the industry--back to when it meant lighting giant fires on mountaintops so other people on mountaintops could see it and light their own--and the fact that any of this shit works at all is kind of a miracle. I don't get it, and I've read extensively on this. People get furious when it doesn't work, and I get it. Telecom is a convenience that people are used to. If it goes wrong, it's a catastrophe. Yet from my perspective, people should never get upset over this. Because fuck magic when it doesn't work, right?


I remember not being in an office. I remember being on the open road fulfilling the needs of my fellow blue collar workers. I miss that kind of freedom. At the same time, I never got the awesome benefits that I get now when I worked blue collar. It's a constant struggle between the two worlds.


I wish I had another option. But fuck it. We're all doomed, aren't we?

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #135: TOO MUCH TV

Once upon a time, when I was in junior high, one of my fellow students was taking a poll for class. It was about the TV habits of preteens, and she asked me what shows I watched on a regular basis. I told her I don't really watch TV. All I watched in those days were reruns of THE TWILIGHT ZONE (and cartoons, of course, but those were usually on VHS and didn't count). Truth be told, I thought everything on TV was complete garbage, so I didn't watch it.


Fast forward more than twenty years, and I'm watching TV every night, at least for one hour. Don't get me wrong, I still think there's a lot of garbage on TV. I think Sturgeon's Law might be a bit too generous for what's being broadcast these days, but I do have my shows. Now, with so many shows taking a break for the holidays, I don't watch TV EVERY night, but when I was a kid, I would have never thought I'd have ended up like this.


Mondays are for GOTHAM. Tuesdays for Marvel's AGENTS OF SHIELD. Wednesdays are for AMERICAN HORROR STORY: FREAKSHOW. Thursdays are for WHITE COLLAR. Fridays are for CONSTANTINE. Saturdays are for HELL ON WHEELS. Sundays are for THE WALKING DEAD, THE TALKING DEAD and COMIC BOOK MEN. Repeat.


It's a marvel I get anything done. What happened? What changed me?


I actually don't think I'VE changed. I've always eagerly consumed excellent content, be it from books or movies. I think TV changed. The quality is better (which doesn't say much, but still). When they upped their game, I took interest, that's all.


But I am glad that great TV isn't in the majority. If every show was good, I would probably have dedicate a lot more time to watching TV, and I shudder to think of that as a good thing.

WHITE COLLAR: CRIME PAYS FOR USA NETWORKS

[SORRY, FOLKS. THIS TV REVIEW MIGHT SEEM A BIT DATED, BUT THIS ARTICLE WAS SUPPOSED TO SHOW UP ONLINE A LOT EARLIER THAN THIS. IN FACT, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE UP BEFORE SPRING BEGAN. BUT, BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.]



Neal Caffrey (played by Matt Bomer) is just about the classiest, smartest, gentlemanly white collar criminal that you’re ever likely to come across. His specialty is forgeries (to say nothing of the long con), whether they be art, jewelry, bonds, you name it, and he is practically untouchable.

Peter Burke (played by Tim DeKay) is the FBI agent who has been tasked to catch Neal, and with sheer intelligence, hard work, and dedication, he manages to pull this off and put this white collar criminal away for a very long time.

But Neal has special skills, and in exchange for getting out of jail (with an ankle bracelet, of course), he is willing to work with the FBI to put away some of the toughest to find criminals that network television has to offer. So begins USA’s new buddy crime dramady, WHITE COLLAR.

As with most USA shows, the balance between comedy and drama is perfect, like a well-mixed Manhattan. The writing is so intelligent, the viewer is actually likely to learn something (although that something would probably be illegal to practice, so be careful, folks), and the relationships between the characters seem well-defined, but as with all good shows, can be thrown up in the air without the slightest warning, as last year’s finale proved. This show is rich with betrayals, so it is always difficult to trust even the most innocuous of characters, which is good. It keeps the viewers on their toes, rather than sitting complacently by.

Not that the show isn’t pretty to look at. There is plenty of style to keep the more vacuous viewers paying attention. Neal’s world is one of high class, and he must always fit the role if he is to manipulate people into getting what he, and by extension the FBI, wants. But don’t be lured into a false sense of security; there is plenty of meat to sink your teeth into.

The only problem, and this holds true with other USA shows, like PSYCH (Verizon), MONK (Windex), and late THE DEAD ZONE (Visa), is that the product placement is a bit too blatant. When you change the course of action or even dialogue to mention a product, then your art can quickly become a commercial. During January 26’s episode, Neal fiddled around with the interface of a car that was, not surprisingly, a product of the show’s sponsor, Ford. Once the logo and technology were prominently displayed, and the characters had made mention of it, the story was free to continue. Most people don’t give a shit about this, but for those who do, it is kind of grating on the nerves. But if you can get past this bullshit, you are in for a hell of a show.

WHITE COLLAR
Tuesdays, 9 pm central
USA Networks