EVERYONE'S GOT ONE #18: THE TEN COMMANDMENTS ARE SHIT

Once again, it has made the news.  Some overly-sensitive atheist group has noticed that a bust of the Ten Commandments has been a decoration at a public school for years, and they want to have it removed because it doesn’t respect their right to not believe.  Then, some dipshit Christian group gets involved and says the bust must stay because if it doesn’t then it doesn’t respect THEIR right TO believe.

First of all, I’m an atheist, but I’m not such a knee-jerk scumbag to want to take down a statue that has been there for 50 years simply because it offended me personally.  Guess what?  I don’t give a shit.  Play your games all you like, but it has nothing to do with me.  However, if you are Christian, and you are offended by this situation, you might want to rethink your religious affiliation.  The Ten Commandments were handed down in the Old Testament; therefore, they are a JEWISH tradition.  The New Testament exists to abolish the Old Testament altogether.  (Which is kind of why the Jewish folks weren’t too happy with Jesus Christ hanging around until they, you know, MADE him hang around.)

Normally, I’d laugh and keep quiet, but the ignorance these Christians are portraying is just so much more overwhelming than usual.  I know it’s weird to get a Bible schooling from an atheist, but I might as well make use of the as-of-yet useless college education I received between the years 1996 and 2000.  It should be noted that I studied religion against my will (as a gen ed requirement) at one of the top Catholic colleges in the country, but because of my desire to get a good grade and therefore never have to repeat the class, I paid a lot of attention.  Hell, this school is so Catholic, the guy who wrote the Serenity Prayer used to teach there.

Anyway, remember why, according to the Bible, Jesus Christ died on the cross?  It was to atone for everyone’s sins.  But it’s not as simple as that.  In the Old Testament days, you couldn’t just go to the local priest and confess your dirty deeds.  God knows what you did.  You just have to ask Him for forgiveness, and the way you did that was through sacrifice.  You went out in the field and found your finest ram or goat or whatever and killed it on an altar of the Lord.  In fact, there were a lot of sacrifices you had to make back then if you wanted to get shit done.  Burnt offerings, cereal offerings, peace offerings, sin offerings, guilt offerings, all of that shit.  Not only that, but there were a metric shit-ton of rules you had to obey in order to successfully make your offering to the Lord.

God, being a reasonable kind of guy, understood that He was asking a lot of His worshippers.  Could you imagine doing any of that shit today?  Fuck no.  You have a busy schedule.  That’s why God came up with this brilliant plan to send his son to earth and have him brutally murdered as the ultimate sacrifice to Himself.  That way, people didn’t have to go through all the trouble of making sacrifices; it was done for them already.  All they had to do was ask Jesus for forgiveness, and that was that.  Simple, no?

Yeah, you can see why the Sanhedrin and Pharisees were so eager to get rid of Jesus.  Why does he have to fuck everything up for us?  Imagine if a new Christ figure showed up tomorrow and revised everything.  You don’t have to go to confession anymore, and you don’t have to eat and drink of the Savior anymore.  How do you think the Catholic church would respond?

Well, Jesus had another card up his sleeve in regards to the Ten Commandments.  He was once asked what the most important commandment was.  “Jesus answered, ‘The first is, “Hear, O Israel:  The Lord our God, the Lord is one; and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.”  The second is this, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”  There is no other commandment greater than these.’”  This is from Mark 12:29-31 (and it’s also in Matthew at around 22:36).  Considering how the entire purpose of Jesus Christ’s existence was to do away with the old way of doing things, it would seem that he’s cutting the slack quite a bit.  It sounds like he’s relying on two and only two commandments.

That may sound like bullshit to you.  Maybe you’re right.  I’m no expert.  But I do know this:  if you really want to be a stickler about this, there should be ELEVEN Commandments on that sucker.  This, you can’t deny.  Take a little gander at this gem found in John 13:33-ish:  “Little children, yet a little while I am with you.  Ye shall seek me:  and as I said unto the Jews, Whither I go, ye cannot come; so now I say to you.  A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.  By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love for one another.”

So . . . no love for the Eleven Commandments?  Or are you just conveniently forgetting that one so you can continue to oppress minorities and feel good about yourself?  It’s one of the last things Jesus said, so it was probably pretty important, don’t you think?

Don’t get me wrong.  The Ten Commandments are more or less a good way of living your life.  Penn & Teller did a great bit on BULLSHIT in which they edited them down, but I’m not going to go into that here.  A lot of it is whiny I-am-the-Lord-don’t-scorn-me emo crap, but there are a few good ones.  You shouldn’t kill (although there are a few folks out there who need killing), you shouldn’t commit adultery (just get a divorce like most sensible people so you can start fucking others), and don’t steal (unless you and your children are hungry).  The bit about coveting is kind of pointless.  You should want nice things.  If your neighbor has a nice car and you want one . . . well, don’t steal his, but get one as good (if not better than) his.  What’s the point of living if you don’t want nice things?  I can’t help but notice there’s nothing about rape up there, but can God be perfect?  Oh, wait.

So yeah.  If you’re going to be Christian, you should be aware of what you really believe.  Unless you’re prepared to bring back shit like burnt offerings, then don’t get your panties twisted up about Ten Commandment-related crap.  It doesn’t mean anything to you.  Love is the important message.  I know, you’re not too good about loving people who aren’t at least similar to you, but it’s been a long two thousand years.  You’re getting better at it.  Maybe in a hundred years or so, the Muslims will catch up to you.  Maybe in a thousand years, all of you will outgrow your fairy tales.

 

 

Jim Jefferies has a good bit on the subject.  He said there should only be one commandment:  "Don't be a cunt."  I can get on board with that one.

And fuck you too, atheists.  You’re not off the hook, either.  God is on our money and in just about every aspect of our government.  Get over it.  It means something to most people, but to us, it’s an empty word.  Do you think twice every time you say, “Goddammit!” when you stub a toe?  Or when you say, “Jesus Christ,” while shaking your head at some stupid news story?  No.  Don’t give the Ten Commandments a second thought.  Remember when you said the Pledge of Allegiance in grade school?  Did you believe every word of it?  Fuck no.  It was just one of those things you had to say at the beginning of every day.  Empty words.  The next time you hear something about God, just shrug it off like I do.  It means nothing to you.

Just . . . fuck everybody.  Yeah, that’s my usual message here at Everyone’s Got One.  Fuck you all.  Fuck fuckity-fuck-fuck-FUCK!

I think I need to get laid.

 

Anyway, am I on the wrong track here?  Am I talking out of an anus-mouth on this one?  Let me know in the comments below.