I'm in a rough mood. But I won't let this build up inside of me.
I considered just going to sleep (again), but this day has sucked donkey balls. So let's do a deep cut.
I mentioned my enjoyment of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. It's a goofy movie, but there are parts that stick out. Like when Frankenstein is captured by his creature and asks him if he has a soul. But there is a part that I identify with most.
There is the scene where he's learning by living with the people in the woods. The others are gone, and the creature comes to the blind man's rescue. The blind dude is totally into the creature, and he feels bad for him. Especially after he touches the creature's face. He understands that the creature is ugly. But he loves the creature anyway.
And then the blind man's family comes home and drives the creature out violently. The blind man wants to help his newfound friend, but everyone else is happy to see the fucking monster out of the cabin. The next scene is of the creature sobbing his eyes out in giant shaking cries. I've felt that.
When I was younger, people told me to open up. And every time I did I got hurt. I showed a part of me that someone fucking killed me over. And I saw De Niro as the creature, and I felt it. I've been the creature sobbing his eyes out because he thought he could open himself to the world, and he was wrong.
I spent my life cauterizing those gaping wounds. I burned those nerves away so I was bulletproof. I burned and burned and burned. For the last five years I've been trying to reactivate my nerves. I want to love again.
I'm made of open nerves. I just want to be human again.
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