When I was in sixth grade I visited my dad and my second stepmom in Vegas. I remember I was in the middle row of my dad's Grand Caravan, and he was talking with my stepmom about me. In particular, my teeth.
My stepmom said that they should get me braces. I balked at the very idea. I was fat and had glasses. Braces would have brought me the Trifecta of Doom. I was unpopular enough has it was. If this plan went through I would be toast. Well, I kinda already was, but I made sure my dissent was known immediately.
I think Dad was relieved. Braces cost money, and it usually took a lot for him to part with that much. My stepmom didn't like that, but when I got on the plane back home, I felt like I'd dodged a bullet.
As an adult I wish she'd won the argument. The short term punishment would have been worth the long term rewards. My teeth probably wouldn't be so horrible if she'd convinced my dad. I've always had a gap between my front teeth, and it's worse in my old age. Plus I've lost three teeth so far. One was a wisdom tooth, so good riddance. The other two are now implants. My bout with gingivitis fucked up my lower front teeth to the point where my previous dentist predicted I'd lose them by forty. My new dentist says I've probably got a couple of years left with them. That fuckin' sucks, man. At least with the others I could hide my tooth loss, but with these? They're front and center.
Plus I have a horrendous underbite. The only worse case I've ever seen was Beavis from Beavis and Butt-Head. Braces would have probably fixed that.
So now we're coming closer and closer to when we can walk around outside without masks on. I feel bad for people with oral herpes. That was a good disguise for more than a year. But yeah, without the mask, I'll be exposing the horrors of my teeth to the world. That's not going to be fun.
I have my first dental cleaning in a year and a half tomorrow. I hope I can make it through with all the teeth I still have. That would be nice.
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