Monday, June 19, 2023

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #686: THAT EXPLAINS A LOT

 You may recall me being worried about work a while back. We're in the middle of what is usually busy season, but for some reason we haven't been getting as many calls as usual. I finally have an explanation for that.


Hundreds of thousands of calls went unanswered last year, and as a result my company has been outsourcing our calls. When you think of outsourcing, you usually think about other countries, but in this case it's not true. Other Americans, who do not work for our company, are now answering our calls.


Big surprise: our sales went down. Even more ghastly, *my* sales have gone down. Last week I only made my quota one day. ONE. And it wasn't Monday. Mondays are usually the best days because they're the busiest, which means I get more calls and more chances for sales. Without as many calls, my ability to sell is going down, and that's not good.


And I'm sure that if this venture turns out to be successful, then all the calls are going to be outsourced. That's not cool. Not. Cool. Especially since I have a new car with murderous payments to make.


My resume isn't all that dusty, but am I going to have to dust it off? I fucking hope not. Well. Hopefully I'm just paranoid, but experience has taught me a few things.




Which reminds me, while this is technically true, that Stephen King wrote these words, he put them in the mouth of a character. Kind of like all those Robin Williams quotes that get attributed to him but were actually said by characters he played. We should really be more selective about that shit. If people started attributing something one of my characters said as words of wisdom from me? I'm pretty sure I'd be executed for crimes against humanity. But maybe that's a topic for another day.

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