Today was my fourth and hopefully final spinal injection. The others were fairly easy because they knocked me out for the procedure. But not today. I got to enjoy the sensation of several needles penetrating my spine this morning.
They gave me some local on my back. That wasn't very pleasant, but it did numb me. That didn't stop me from feeling the needles, though. I could feel the pressure of them going in, but when they injected the steroids I felt a burn that was far from pleasant.
But it's over. The procedures and surgeries are finally over. I no longer have to worry about this shit. It was rough, but now I can move on with my life.
At least until the next fucking thing comes along. Remember, for my body it's a rule. When one thing gets resolved, another thing shows its ugly face. So who knows how long I'll get to enjoy the feeling of not worrying about that shit before the next thing arrives?
My heart rate was up today, so they gave me Valium to calm down. I've never taken that before. It made me feel like a ghost of myself. You know how when you've been drinking all night in a hotel room (for reasons, I tell you, reasons), and when you step out into the next day you're blinded by the sun? That's how I felt when I left the hospital today. It was weird not being hungover in that moment.
I've got too many personal battles to fight. I'm exhausted, and it's starting to look like I might as well give up, but the success of my spinal injections today has bolstered my will to fight. I would give anything to have ordinary fucking problems. I remember what that was like, what, fifteen years ago? I told a friend I would give both balls and three inches of my dick to never suffer from my stomach illness again, and I fucking mean it.
I am so goddam tired.
All right, I'll have to figure out how to get back to my numbering scheme. I might do another GF tomorrow. I don't know. Or I'll just do two next week. We'll see.
No comments:
Post a Comment