[I love cheeseburgers. Always have, always will. I have had
many cheeseburgers in many places in this country and in Ireland. But my
findings in this review stand to this day. The Country House still makes thegreatest cheeseburger in the land. Maybe they’re not $7.50 anymore. It’s more
like ten bucks, but it is still worth every penny. I’ve been down to Tennessee
and Georgia, where oddly enough they can’t cook anything lower than medium well.
I thought the south was supposed to have great burgers. Oh yeah, and Ireland
had awful burgers everywhere I went. Apparently they have to cook meat to a
crisp due to Mad Cow disease. Also, they use shredded cheese instead of sliced
cheese. When they present it to you, it looks like a cat puked on hockey puck. Too
bad. The Irish will never know what a good burger is supposed to taste like.
This appeared in the Elmhurst College Leader on April 24, 2000.]
It’s so hard to find a good cheeseburger these days,
especially since restaurants are concerned with being sued by customers who got
food poisoning because of unseared meat. Fear not—there are still places that
serve a cheeseburger like it was meant to be served (ie. medium rare; bloody
burgers are too slimy, and well-done is too dried out).
First of all, Denny’s is not one of these places. Sure,
they’re open 24 hours, which is a godsend for those drawn to the night by
either desire or necessity. Yes, some of the food is edible, like the
mozzarella sticks. However, the burger is dry and crispy. Meat was meant to be
tender and juicy. If the cheeseburger crunches in your mouth, it’s a bad sign.
Denny’s will not cook the meat to its proper state. Not only that, but they put
too many sesame seeds on their bun, which is just wrong. However, the waiters
can take a lot of crap, which is a very good quality to exploit. They’ll do
anything but have the cook make your cheeseburger medium-rare.
D’s Diggety Dogs Diner, 2121 Butterfield Rd., Oak Brook, has a
better cheeseburger, but not by much. They don’t cook a burger to the desire of
the customer, and the burger itself is wafer thin served on a cold bun. Imagine
eating a McDonald’s cheeseburger without the grease, and this is what D’s
burgers taste like. Unlike Denny’s, D’s has an excuse. D’s is a hot dog place,
not a cheeseburger place. Their hot dogs are great, just stay away from the
burgers. Besides, they have fish tanks to keep you entertained, and you can
always try to figure out whether or not those marlins on the walls are real.
Ye Olde Town Inn, 18
W. Busse Ave., Mt. Prospect,
is much better. Not only is there a live band at night with pool tables in the
back, complete with pictures of the Mexican War moments on the walls, the cooks
aren’t afraid of medium-rare. Unfortunately, their idea of medium-rare is
closer to medium-well. The meat isn’t tender enough, and the bun is too hard.
The burger’s good, just not good enough. However, they give you popcorn for
free. Maybe it’s not the greatest popcorn in the world, but it’s free, and
you’re college students. You don’t need a math professor to help you figure
this one out.
Where Ye Old Town Inn fails, the Silverado Grill, 447 Spring
Rd., succeeds. On the walls are rifles and spurs and, of course, a picture of
the Duke in Rooster Cogburn get-up (what Western oriented place would be
complete without the Duke?). They serve their mozzarella sticks with barbeque
sauce. Most importantly, they’ve got an extremely rare sense of medium-rare.
The animal’s heart stopped beating a few minutes before they brought out the
burger on a plate. It was literally bleeding its juices all over the place,
saturating everything in sight, including the already grease-softened fries.
It’s so messy they serve it with a gourmet bun, so the bread won’t fall apart.
The only problem with the burger is that only the inside is tender and juicy.
The outside is a bit rough and flaky. Thus, the Silverado has to take second
place.
The greatest cheeseburger in the world comes from the
Country House, 241 W. 55th St.,
Clarendon Hills. Biting into the Country House cheeseburger is like taking a
bite out of Heaven. Juices fill the mouth, and the meat is tender, all on a bun
crisped just right. With the perfect fries on the side, it is a meal fit for
the gods. Thankfully, you don’t have to end up getting your liver cut out by an
eagle every day to get it—$7.50 for a cheeseburger may seem like a bit much,
but it’s worth every penny for the ideal cheeseburger.
What, then, is the ideal cheeseburger? Medium-rare. American
cheese. A bun, lightly crisped. Nothing on it but mustard and ketchup. With
fries. You might ask, what qualifies John Bruni to give such criteria? I’m on
the Leader staff, am I not? You can trust us—we’re professionals. If that isn’t
enough, I’ve been all over this great country of ours, and I have had my share
of cheeseburgers. Some places in Arizona make great cheeseburgers, but why go
to Arizona when the greatest cheeseburger in the world is made in Clarendon
Hills at the Country House?
Elmhurst
College students, why
settle for a burger from a typical fast food place? If money is a problem, stop
making obscene phone calls and start stealing cars. This is Elmhurst, land of the expensive car. The land
is rife with rich people to steal from. Reach for your piece of Heaven. Eat the
Country House cheeseburger.
