IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY ON FX

Where were you when the Japanese invaded Pearl Harbor? What were you doing when JFK was assassinated? Where were you when the World Trade Center was attacked on 9/11? These questions are unimportant. What you should be asking yourself is, where were you when Mac banged Dennis’ mom?



IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA begins its sixth season on FX Network at 9:00 pm central time. If you’re not there every Thursday, you are probably a moral, upstanding citizen. In other words, boring.


Mac, Dennis, Charlie, Dee, and Frank are the most immoral, vile, lower-than-whale-shit, back-stabbing, filthy, insane, obnoxious, exploitative, insincere, and untruthful characters you’re likely to run across on any television show in history, and that includes THE SOPRANOS and FAMILY GUY. Yet, because of these overwhelming flaws, they are very delightful to watch. It’s fun to see them hatch these incredibly empty-headed, enterprising schemes, and to stare in disbelieve as everything falls apart because of their shortsightedness, their infighting, and their ADD, to say nothing of the fact that all of them are certifiable sociopaths.


It’s almost Machiavellian, except without exception, their plans end in misery and them getting their come-uppance. Still, no matter how spectacularly awry their plans go for themselves, it seems that those around them suffer exponentially more. Take poor Rickety-Cricket, for example. When he first appears on the show, he is a priest, happy in his vocation. With his last appearance, he has devolved so far that he’s homeless, insane, and missing every other tooth in his head, all because of the gang.


A few people escape this formula.  The McPoyles, for example, manage to escape the gang's black-hole of disaster, but only because they are more disgusting than Mac and company.  There is also a lawyer who seems to always benefit from their failures.  But that's about it, really.


No, this isn’t a masturbation fest for those wishing misery on others. That would be too easy. To truly enjoy this show, you must have a heart. You must feel pain every time the gang comes up with a new scheme, or you’ll never be able to give yourself the inevitable face-palm.


And it’s okay to chuckle. You’ll feel guilty about it later, but it’s good for you. Tune in, get the DVD’s, and enjoy.


IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA
FX Network
9:00 pm central, every Thursday

MODERN DRUNKARD: A MAGAZINE THAT UNDERSTANDS

It isn’t often that a new issue of MODERN DRUNKARD MAGAZINE comes out, but when it does, it is a grand occasion. No one knows the joys of hooching better than the editor and contributing writers of this august publication. Believe it or not, these guys have been around for 55 issues. They wouldn’t have been able to pull this off if there wasn’t a market for it.

Granted, just about every single advertisement inside is for a local bar in Colorado, but the ranks of readers run the gamut across the country, as is evidenced by their yearly drunkard convention, so this is no drop in the bucket. No sir, MDM is here to stay.

Why is that? Perhaps it is because it’s not a celebration of fall-down dangerous alcoholism. No, save that for the AA meetings. This magazine has always been about connoisseurs of the state of drunkenness. Those who can handle their liquor. Those who can function well after drinking copious amounts of booze. It is a celebration of the power of alcohol when applied in the right situations, whether it be the creative process, enjoying a sport, fighting a war, or simply unwinding after an unforgiving day of work.

The world is a stressful place, and sometimes one needs to experience life from a different perspective. Take, for example, their most recent feature, “Welcome to BoozeTown,” a historical look at Mel Johnson’s drunkard utopia that was never meant to be. It was to be a city inhabited by boozehounds, where there were no cars but motorized sidewalks, where the bars never closed, and where the police were there to help you get home and to even tuck you into bed.

Or perhaps you would like to consider their feature on Rome’s Fifth Legion, “Blood and Wine,” which tells of “the heroic and bloody adventures of the Roman Empire’s hardest-drinking legion.” If you ever thought booze has no place in war, you need to read this article. Drunkards get things done.

This is to say nothing of their regular columns, like “Wino Wisdom” (quotes from famous philosophical drunkards) and “Booze News” (up-to-date information that boozers must be aware of in their world) and “Drunkard of the Issue” (which this time is a blast from the past, Mojo Nixon). And don’t forget the usual editorial from the head drunkard himself, Frank Kelly Rich; in this issue, he suggests a stimulus package that every good drinker could appreciate.

In a society where you’re supposed to do what you're told, when you’re supposed to color within the lines at all times, MODERN DRUNKARD is like that first whiff of an opened bottle of Wild Turkey 101: sharp and cleansing. Check them out at www.drunkard.com, where most of their articles have been archived for your perusal. Then, show your support for such an incredible publication by subscribing.