GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #593: IT FINALLY HAPPENED

 Well, I hate to say it, but it finally happened. I gave in to my addiction. I slipped and fell and I still have not gotten back up. I decided to give in entirely because I've discovered that I can't live a single day without my drug.

I'm back on the caffeine.

Wait, what did you think I meant?

Just kidding. No, I'm drinking caffeine again, and it aggravates the shit out of me. I started drinking it again during the holidays because I really needed a pick me up, and there were free energy drinks at work. So why not drink a few of them? Just to get through my shift without constantly yawning. Barely being able to keep my eyes open while on the phone with about a hundred customers a day. Literally.

I found myself graduating back up to the giant cans this week. The ones you could club someone to death with. At least I'm sticking to the ones that don't have sugar in them. For the most part.

Quitting caffeine is going to suck. Again. And again. Why not give in? It's the one addiction no one on the planet has a problem with. You could mainline caffeine 24/7 and no one would talk shit about it. Not unless you got hyperactive. Even then they might let it slide. Besides, getting Caffeine Free Diet Coke, my drink of choice these days, is getting harder and harder. The store never has it in stock anymore. I've had to settle for the Pepsi version, and it's just not all that great.

Ah fuck. Well. Here we go again.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #77: AW, FUCK

Goddammit. A bit of a set-back in my battle with the 'Beetus. When I tested my blood sugar after lunch, it was a bit higher than it should have been at 148. Oddly enough, I felt like I was having a low blood sugar incident, which made zero sense.


But . . . I felt something else: withdrawal symptoms. I looked the internet up and down, and there is no history of this drug being habit forming. It felt like when I quit caffeine, except without the pain. Could I really be addicted to these stupid fucking things?


Maybe it's Taco Bell withdrawal. I haven't had a Quesarito since Friday.


No, it's the pill. I took my pill, and the withdrawal symptoms went away almost immediately. Am I the first motherfucker in the world to be addicted to 'Beetus meds? That can't be right. It's got to be my mind fucking with me.


More experiments to come . . .


And I promise, GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS isn't going to be a running tally of my battle with the 'Beetus. It's just this week that's fucking with me. I'll do something different tomorrow.